Real and Phantom Pains: An Anthology of New Russian Drama. John Freedman

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СКАЧАТЬ puts on his coat and scarf, all the while keeping a close eye on BUSHY-TAIL, no matter where she goes. He casts a suspicious glance at BLIZZARD, waves to BUSHY-TAIL, pointing to his watch. She nods back at him, as if sharing with him something only they know. VOLODYA goes out into the snowstorm on the street. The café is filled with music, the television is tuned to BCH, on which the TV star SNOWFLAKE is seen reporting the news but without sound.)

      You’re a lot more elegant in real life than on screen

      SNOWFLAKE: The screen adds twelve pounds

      LENOCHKA: Really? I didn’t know that

      SNOWFLAKE: Do you like my eyebrows?

      ORANGINA (Taking SNOWFLAKE’s picture): Oh, yes

      LENOCHKA: I bought some new boots

      MANIAC: I want some just like that. Do they have big sizes?

      LENOCHKA: I’ll ask if you want

      ORANGINA (Smelling SNOWFLAKE): I just love the way you smell

      SNOWFLAKE (Her cell phone rings with the melody from “The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.” She doesn’t answer it): With his love he pours molten copper over my head

      MANIAC: If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem

      BUSHY-TAIL: Here’s your fish plate

      BLIZZARD: Why don’t you join us?

      BUSHY-TAIL: You haven’t even tried it yet

      SNOWSTORM: The smell alone is making me sick to my stomach

      BLIZZARD: I love fish

      SNOWSTORM: What’s your name?

      MANIAC: Her name’s Bushy-Tail

      (A small book of some kind falls out of BUSHY-TAIL’s apron. ORANGINA picks it up.)

      ORANGINA (Photographing first the book and then BUSHY-TAIL): What are you reading?

      BUSHY-TAIL: A biology textbook. I want to be a doctor

      SNOWFLAKE (Gagging): Are you kidding?

      BUSHY-TAIL: Why?

      MANIAC: You’re too beautiful

      BLIZZARD: Order something for yourself

      BUSHY-TAIL: Another time

      MANIAC: I’ll take care of this

      BLIZZARD: Tell me, Bushy-Tail, what do you love more than anything on earth?

      BUSHY-TAIL: Macaroni and cheese

      BLIZZARD: Is that bizarre? I do too

      BUSHY-TAIL: And boiled onions

      BLIZZARD: You’re joking

      BUSHY-TAIL: No, it’s true

      BLIZZARD: I thought I was the only person on earth who loved boiled onions

      (BUSHY-TAIL leaves, clears something from the table, brings back another order, is always efficient and on time with everything. She seems to be everywhere at once. People are walking all around. BLIZZARD is seen on the TV screen.)

      SNOWSTORM: Do you have the sensation that the world revolves around you?

      BLIZZARD: Non-stop almost

      ORANGINA: And that everything around us is a lie?

      BLIZZARD: I have the feeling people confuse the truth for what it’s not

      SNOWFLAKE: She really is a pretty girl

      ORANGINA: She has such delicate wrists, slender ankles and such an androgynous figure

      BUSHY-TAIL (Appears): What kind of figure?

      LENOCHKA: Two huge eyes

      BUSHY-TAIL: I’ve never considered myself pretty. Not for five minutes

      ORANGINA: You could be a trend-setter

      SNOWFLAKE: God wanted to make her a handsome boy

      SNOWSTORM: But changed his mind at the last minute

      MANIAC: Come on, Bushy-Tail, have a drink with us

      BUSHY-TAIL (Speaks and disappears): I don’t drink or smoke

      LENOCHKA (To SNOWFLAKE): Did you quit smoking?

      SNOWFLAKE: I never smoked to begin with

      ORANGINA: You don’t know how lucky you are

      SNOWFLAKE: I have lots of other flaws

      BLIZZARD (To BUSHY-TAIL): Where do people like you come from?

      BUSHY-TAIL (Appearing): The Far North

      LENOCHKA: Just what I thought for some reason

      BUSHY-TAIL: Where are you from?

      MANIAC: The eternal question – whence have we come?

      SNOWFLAKE: It’s because she’s so natural, sincere and photogenic

      ORANGINA: How old are you, Bushy-Tail?

      BUSHY-TAIL: Me? I’m seventeen. What about you?

      ORANGINA: Me? I think I’m twenty-five. I don’t remember

      SNOWFLAKE (Hands BUSHY-TAIL a business card): Call me this evening

      BLIZZARD: Don’t be afraid

      ORANGINA: BCH

      BUSHY-TAIL: What’s that?

      BLIZZARD: Don’t you watch television?

      BUSHY-TAIL: No

      SNOWFLAKE: “Love Knows no Fear”

      BLIZZARD: Definitely give it a watch

      (Outside. VOLODYA walks along the street looking in shop windows, shivering from the cold. He stops in a store, shakes the snow off his shoulders, looks over the men’s clothing then moves on to look at the women’s clothing. Looks at the hats, tries on one, another, a third, standing before the mirror, gazing at himself from all possible angles. Takes off the hat, puts it back in its place and walks back out onto the street.

      In the café it’s warm. Someone is even dancing; someone has walked away, another has returned. Someone is still eating, someone is drinking. SNOWFLAKE reads a book, SNOWSTORM drinks whiskey on ice, smokes and people watches.)

      SNOWSTORM: СКАЧАТЬ