The Rules of the Game. Neil Strauss

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ

      YOU: Okay, makes sense. The reason I’m asking is because my friend over there has been dating a girl for three months, and she wants him to stop talking to a female friend of his. He hasn’t dated this other girl for years, and they’re really just friends. The problem is, if he stops talking to her, he’ll resent his girlfriend. But if he keeps talking to her, his girlfriend will resent him.

      THEM: Something like that happened to me once, and . . .

      If you’re talking to a group, make sure you ask all the members—even the men—for their opinions. No one should be excluded, because if they are, they’ll feel slighted or get bored—and could influence the group to shut you out.

      Most important, as you deliver this or any other opener, remember that it’s not the exact words that matter—it’s your attitude. The opener is used only to break the ice and get the group’s attention. It contains no magic formula that will make a woman swoon at your feet. It’s just a way to keep your mouth moving while you display your charming personality.

      After the Opener

      A good opener will naturally lead to other questions and topics of conversation.

      Often, you’ll be asked for your take on the dilemma you’ve asked about. Make sure you have one. If you’re normally a sarcastic or negative person, this world-view may create a bond with some women, but it rarely creates attraction. I know because I used to be that way, until I discovered that one of the keys to drawing people to you—and making them want to stay there—is radiating positivity.

      This is why it’s best to draw openers from your own life. If the opener is about someone in college, you should know what college it is. If it’s about someone in another country, you should know what country it is. Determine in advance the ages, professions, relationships, and other details of the people in the openers you use. If you deliver the opener correctly, she will most likely be curious and ask follow-up questions. So be prepared.

      But don’t overprepare. You’ll come up with plenty of clever responses to common questions, related topics to discuss, and interesting details in the moment. For example, if you’re using the shady friend opener, and it elicits a flurry of conflicting opinions, you may find yourself saying, with a bemused smile, “You guys are great. You’re just like The View.”

      However, beware of a common beginner mistake: milking the opener. As soon as the energy starts to flag, or you catch yourself thinking too hard of something to say to continue the conversation, the opener is over. Cut the thread and move on.

      You’ll learn exactly what to say next in future Challenge assignments, but for now just remember: As soon as you start struggling to keep a dying conversation topic going, you may as well be asking “How about some dick?”

      The Rule of Trying

      Now that you’re learning scripted material, it’s important to remember the rule of trying: Don’t. If you try hard, you die hard.

      As soon as you’re caught trying to impress her, trying to get validation, trying for attention, or trying too hard in any way, the game is over. One of the paradoxes of the game is that it takes a lot of effort to appear effortless.

      While it’s possible that in the future certain routines and lines in this book may become well known, the principles upon which they work have always been and will always be true. So feel free at any point to go to www.stylelife.com/challenge to learn new and proven openers created by Challengers and coaches.

      As you become more advanced, you’ll find yourself relying less on prescripted openers. You’ll eventually be able to go out with friends and challenge one another to come up with the most ridiculous opening lines possible. And as long as your attitude is upbeat, non-needy, empathic, and positive, you’ll discover that you can do no wrong.

      Troubleshooting

      Tomorrow you’ll learn the two keys to avoiding most things that can go wrong during an opener.

      For now, just remember that whatever happens during the opener is feedback. A rejection is not a comment on you but on your technique.

      If a woman tells you that she has a boyfriend (and you haven’t asked), it means she thought you were hitting on her. If she says she has to go to the bathroom, it means you made her uncomfortable. Adjust your future approaches based on these responses and develop answers that will transform common objections into attraction-building material. For example, if she accuses you of using a pickup line, you can respond, “You thought I was hitting on you? That’s cute, but I don’t think you could handle me.”

      Whatever you do, always remember the golden rule: You must open.

      If you don’t approach, you’ll never know whether that stranger could have become a girlfriend, a casual fling, a good friend, or even a career opportunity. Almost every student I’ve talked with has regrets about not approaching a girl. But few have ever regretted making an approach, no matter what happened.

      The pain of letting yourself down is much greater than anything someone else can say.

      DAY

       MISSION 1: Fine-tune Your Openers

      Congratulations on delivering your first openers. Some of you may have found that conversations began with ease. Others, not so much. If you felt like you were bugging people, if someone asked whether you were taking a survey, or if you got funny looks, that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you’re ready for your next mission.

      Today you’re going to learn two key subtleties of opening. Once you add these pieces to your approach, you’ll notice a big difference in the effectiveness of the opener and the responses you get.

      So turn to your Day 8 Briefing and read about the two keys before continuing to the next mission.

       MISSION 2: Approach with Your New Tools

      Approach three women—or groups that include women—with the opener you used yesterday.

      This time, add both a root and a time constraint to each approach.

       MISSION 3: Evaluate

      When you return home, ask yourself if there was anything different about the responses you received from women you approached today, compared with those you approached yesterday. List three differences in the space below:

      If you used an opener you made up, but it didn’t seem to spark a natural conversation, then in future missions try using one of the scripts provided in this book (such as the shady friend or five oceans openers), or examine and modify your opener.

      If you’re not sure whether your opener СКАЧАТЬ