From Heartbreak to Heart's Desire. Dawn Maslar
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Название: From Heartbreak to Heart's Desire

Автор: Dawn Maslar

Издательство: Ingram

Жанр: Поиск работы, карьера

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isbn: 9781936290437

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СКАЧАТЬ familiar with the idea. I had been working the Twelve Steps in my own recovery for more than seventeen years when I came to the point in my recovery where I realized I needed to do this work. In fact, it was in the rooms of recovery that I first heard the term “broken picker.” It is no coincidence that there are twelve steps or activities. The number twelve is one of those numbers that are meaningful. In numerology, twelve is considered to be the number that forms a complete and perfect harmonious unit. And in spirituality, the number twelve signifies faith and all the aspects of love. In fact, there are twelve aspects of love:

      

respect

      

truth

      

discipline

      

oneness

      

compassion

      

reverence

      

faith

      

selflessness

      

gratitude

      

open-mindedness

      

generosity

      

detachment (freedom/serenity)

      What more perfect number could there be for fixing your picker?

      The time frame of twelve weeks (give or take) is used because, just as when I needed my tires realigned, work takes time. The activities in this book are about making changes. Most of us are resistant to change; that’s only human. We may have great intentions when we begin a healthy practice, only to find, in short order, we are back to our old routines. But the twelve-week time frame isn’t cast in stone. The actual time you take to complete the steps will depend on where you are in the process when you start out. You’ll modify the program to meet your particular needs.

      These twelve steps are designed to address the specific conditions that heal a broken picker. Each action has a specific goal in mind that addresses the different factors that contribute to a broken picker. As you go along with the exercises, I’ll explain why each action is important and how to perform the action, and suggest how long to continue performing it. Effective “picker alignment” is a multilayered process designed to help you develop self-love and improve self-esteem, release and heal old pain, reprogram negative thought patterns, grow spiritually, and finally, discover your true heart’s desires.

      “IF THERE WERE NO CHANGE,

      THERE WOULD BE NO BUTTERFLIES.”

      —AUTHOR UNKNOWN

      Time heals all wounds (it may also be true that, in the words of the old saying, “time wounds all heels”). It’s trite, but true, and healing a broken picker is no different from any other kind of healing. It takes time. Of course, being human, we all wish that the instant we realize our brokenness, our woundedness, we can heal instantly. But it doesn’t work that way. To heal a broken picker we need time, and sometimes we need to take a step back, not to isolate, but to protect ourselves and give ourselves a chance for healing to take place. Sometimes, in order to advance, we need to take a retreat. A personal retreat, that is.

      WHAT IS A PERSONAL RETREAT?

      A personal retreat is one in which you take time for yourself. You already know that in order to love another person you must first love yourself. But what does love really mean? What does it mean when you hear “He loves his car” or “She loves her garden” or “They love their family”? It usually means that they spend time with the object of that “love.” He spends time cleaning his car, she spends time tending her garden, they spend time with their family.

      That’s what a personal retreat is about; it’s about time spent loving yourself. You are loving yourself when you give yourself time just for you. You are giving yourself time to do the activities in this book, time to heal and grow, and time to decide what you want from life. By taking a personal retreat, you are making a commitment to yourself and taking a very important step along the path of self-love.

      A retreat can be defined as a period of withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction. But what are you withdrawing from? In the context of our present discussion, you are withdrawing from male attention. You will take a break from dating. You will stop dating men and start dating yourself. You are going to be taking the time to get to know yourself better.

      WHY DO I NEED A PERSONAL RETREAT?

      There are several reasons to participate in a personal retreat. Three of the biggest reasons are:

      1. It’s harder to solve a problem when you are in the middle of it;

      2. You need time for yourself; and

      3. You need time to heal.

      It is quite difficult to solve a problem when you are in the middle of it. The solution to any problem often becomes apparent only after you stop frantically searching for it. Our frenzied efforts to solve a problem can actually become a barrier to its solution, or may even add to the problem. The guidance we need becomes apparent once we stop focusing on our difficulty.

      This can be illustrated by a simple example. Think back to a time when you were trying to remember something—maybe a person’s name or the name of a place. The more you focused on it, the more frustrated you became. But as soon as you let go and turned your attention somewhere else, the name popped into your head. The same principle applies to a personal retreat. We can’t expect to find an answer to our relationship problem while we are in the center of it. When we remove ourselves and focus on something else, the solution becomes evident.

      You need to take this time and focus on you and become comfortable with yourself. This is one of life’s ironies: You will never be happy in a relationship until you are able to be happy without one.

      In the past, when I felt lonely I would look to men as a source of comfort. I would look to them to make me feel good about myself. When I was getting attention from a man, I felt beautiful and wanted. But if I wasn’t getting attention I felt undesirable. My moods fluctuated, depending on how much attention I felt I needed and was getting. This was never an enjoyable place to be. I had trouble being comfortable with myself.

      This СКАЧАТЬ