From Heartbreak to Heart's Desire. Dawn Maslar

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CHAPTER TWO How Do You Break a Picker?

      “THINGS DO NOT CHANGE; WE CHANGE.”

      —HENRY DAVID THOREAU

      We humans are complex. We are emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental creatures. Whatever problems we have rarely have only one point of origin. Usually, there is a series of circumstances that contributes to the development of a difficulty such as a broken picker. There are four problem areas that people with broken pickers seem to have in common. Working on these will lead you out of despair and into a life you want and deserve. We will take a look at each of these troublesome areas and explain how it contributes to your having a broken picker. We will then take a look at how we can heal our pickers by taking certain steps to address these areas. The areas that lead to a broken picker are:

      UNRESOLVED PAIN

      You might remember the skit by Abbott and Costello, “Who’s on First?” In this classic vaudeville comedy routine, Costello is trying to figure out the names of the players on a baseball team. The problem is that the players have names like Who, What, Where, and I Don’t Know. So when Costello asks the question “Who’s on first?” Abbott answers,

      “Yes.” Costello’s frustration makes for a hilarious—but for Costello, frustrating—circular conversation.

      In some ways, talking about the phenomenon of a broken picker is a little like the timeless Abbott and Costello skit:

      You: Why do I have a broken picker?

      Me: Because you have unresolved pain.

      You: How do you know I have unresolved pain?

      Me: Because you have a broken picker.

      See what I mean? When we get into a relationship or are choosing people to date, and we have unresolved pain, the pain shows itself. Think back to a time when you had hurt a part of your body; a leg, for example. If you sat down to watch TV, taking the pressure off the leg, the pain subsided. You may have reached the point at which you forgot your leg was hurt. It is only when you try to get up and use the leg that you feel the pain, reminding you that you have an injury.

      The same is true for your heart. The pain makes itself known when you try to use it. When you form a relationship you make yourself vulnerable; you expose your wounded area. Whom we choose and how we act in a relationship indicates the level of pain that we have.

      The pain that we feel as a result of our poor choice of men can be called referred pain. Referred pain is a phenomenon that occurs in the body where the pain is felt in an area different from where the actual damage is. For example, pain felt in the left shoulder and arm could very well indicate a problem with your heart. Without the accurate knowledge of referred pain, a doctor may waste precious time treating the arm. A patient could suffer damage because of this delay. Many of us are improperly diagnosing our symptoms. We are looking at the arm when our real problem is with our heart.

      Our attraction to the wrong men is an indicator that a part of us needs to be healed. It is a sign that there is internal damage that needs to be addressed. If you have ever bitten the inside of your mouth, you will understand how you are strangely attracted to the very thing that brings you pain. When we have a sore spot in our mouth, our tongue naturally is attracted to that area. It is an unconscious response of the body to the pain. Over and over again, we move our tongue away from the injury, only for it to return to the damaged area the moment we stop thinking about it. Our GPS (Guy Picking System) is like that. We can try different techniques that seem to keep us away from what we know causes us pain, but they only work as long as we’re concentrating on them. Then, as soon as we stop concentrating on the solution, we find ourselves unconsciously returning to the old sore spot again. It’s not the men you are choosing that are the problem. It’s the reason you’re choosing the men you’re choosing that’s the problem.

      It is important to understand that it’s our pain that is doing the picking. It is like a child who wants attention. When children can’t get positive attention, they will accept negative attention. There is a part of you that is screaming for attention, a part of you that is screaming to be healed. The more you ignore it, the more it will try to get attention any way it can.

      For whatever reason—childhood abuse or trauma, past experiences, sickness, addiction, whatever—we don’t trust our own deepest feelings. We usually don’t trust them because when we were children, our feelings were discounted. We may have been told not to cry, or we were shamed for being scared. In some way you were taught that your feelings were unacceptable. Whatever the emotion was, it has become frozen inside us. Those frozen emotions become a part of us, causing us to be attracted to men who cause us pain, often for one reason only—because it feels familiar. When we release these old feelings, we are freed up for real love. Love is truly our heart’s desire.

      HUNGRY FOR LOVE

      Love is one of СКАЧАТЬ