The Exceptional Seven Percent. Gregory K. Popcak
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Название: The Exceptional Seven Percent
Автор: Gregory K. Popcak
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Секс и семейная психология
isbn: 9780806537627
isbn:
EXCEPTIONAL SEXUALITY QUIZ
Circle the level of agreement you have with each of the statements below.
a. Lovemaking regularly gets put off due to stress or exhaustion.
b. I feel like my mate makes love to my mind and spirit, not just my body.
c. I think of lovemaking as both a renewal of our wedding vows and a celebration of all that is good in our marriage.
d. I consider children to be a great blessing and I think my mate is (would be) an exceptional parent.
e. I am comfortable with any and all of the following: making love with the lights on, telling my mate what pleases me and what doesn’t, trying new positions, laughing during sex, and both verbally and physically expressing my pleasure during lovemaking.
You scored __ out of a possible 25 points for this section.
Your mate scored __ out of a possible 25 points for this section.
As a couple, you scored __ out of a possible 50 points for Exceptional Sexuality.
Developing Your Action Plan
In this section, you will identify both the strengths and opportunities for growth your marriage presents. By the end of this exercise, you will have a good idea of what you need to do to help your marriage better resemble those of the Exceptional 7 Percent. Because each marriage is different, every couple will score differently overall, and every couple will be better at certain skills than others. Try not to look at the quizzes as simply picking out your weak points. Rather, concentrate on the things you are good at, and build from there.
Sometimes people get a little paranoid about what the results of self-help quizzes actually mean. Please note that the self-tests included in this book are not scientifically validated instruments. Scoring low on a particular quiz—or even a number of quizzes—does not necessarily mean that your marriage is bad, and scoring high on them doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage is exceptional. What your score does point to is how much loving attention your marriage needs in order for it to become all that you want it to be. That said, let’s look at how you scored overall.
Go back through the last several pages and, in the spaces provided, write the scores you each received individually and as a couple for each trait discussed.
As a couple, you and your mate scored __ out of a possible 450 points.
Keeping in mind that this is not a scientifically validated instrument, it has been my experience that Exceptional couples tend to score in the 420+ range. Please remember, these couples—being part of the Exceptional 7 Percent—would be expected to score higher than 93 percent of all other couples in first marriages (and 85 percent of all couples). If you did not score in this range it does not mean your marriage is bad. For example, scoring in the 360 + range is still very respectable—a bit like getting a solid B or B + . Couples scoring in this comparatively lower range still have some of the best marriages on the block. And if you scored lower than this, it still doesn’t mean your marriage is bad. It simply suggests that you may have been taking either your mate or your marriage more for granted than you ought to and, if this is the case, you’ve come to the right place.
The reason I feel the need to tell you over and over how good your marriage probably is, is that this book has an entirely different focus than most self-help books. Other self-help books are interested in telling the reader how to take a rotten relationship and make it passable. While The Exceptional Seven Percent could be used in this manner, most of the information contained in these pages would be lost on a truly miserable couple. The main focus of The Exceptional Seven Percent is to show couples how to take an average to good relationship and turn it into something profound, blissful, and energizing. Please keep this in mind as you work through the remainder of the book.
Now, let’s take a look at your particular strengths and weaknesses.
Review your individual scores to each quiz. In the space provided below, write the three areas you and your mate scored highest in, individually.
You scored highest in...
Your mate scored highest in...
These areas represent your and your mate’s unique strengths, respectively. Over the next few days, discuss how you will share your particular strengths with each other. For example, how could you help your mate develop more of a particular quality? How could your mate do the same for you? What are the struggles you expect to encounter as you attempt to increase your proficiency in a particular area? What struggles will your mate face? Take time with these questions and discuss them thoroughly.
As a rule of thumb, if you scored higher than your partner on a specific trait, it will be your responsibility to help your mate grow in that area, and vice versa. I do not mean to suggest that a lower-scoring spouse has to do everything the “expert” in a particular area says to do. But I would invite the spouse who scores lower to give serious consideration to any gently and charitably offered suggestions his or her higher scoring mate might make on improving a particular trait.
Now let’s look at the areas that you will want to improve upon as a couple.
Review the couple’s scores you received on each quiz. In the space provided below, write the three areas that as a couple you and your mate scored the lowest in.
As a couple, we need to improve in these three areas.
These represent the areas on which you and your mate will want to focus most of your attention as you begin your journey toward Exceptional couplehood. Of course you should feel free to discuss these areas now, but I will defer any particular discussion questions and tips until later. Just be sure to pay particular attention to these chapters as you read through the book and you will receive many helpful suggestions for increasing the frequency СКАЧАТЬ