Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms. Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND

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      “OK, Sister, I’m ready to say my night prayers for you.”

       Sneaking Up on Jesus

      A teacher en route to church with her small students reminded them to walk quietly so that they wouldn’t disturb other classes. She urged, “Try to be so quiet that even Jesus won’t know we’re coming.”

      The children obeyed conscientiously. They tiptoed to the church, and one child quietly opened the door. As the first little ones entered the church, suddenly a little girl gleefully shouted, “Surprise!”

       First-Century Planes

      The school was assembled in the gym for the Stations of the Cross. A special microphone system had been set up. Everyone was finally in place and hushed, waiting for the Lenten devotion to begin. A first-grader was the first one to the microphone. In a strong voice he announced, “The First Station, the pilot said Jesus must die!”

       Heaven’s Housing Policy

      Sister Laurann was proud that she had taught her young students to begin the day with petitions for the world’s needs. She doubted her success, however, when one morning a lad earnestly prayed, “That God will change his mind about letting dogs go to heaven, let us pray to the Lord.”

       Divine Affirmation

      During the first-graders’ religion class, Sister Ann invited, “Now let’s close our eyes and listen to what God is saying to us.”

      It was very quiet as the children prayed silently. After a short time, Sister asked, “Can anyone tell us what God said to them?”

      One hand went up, and a small boy reported, “Kevin, you’re my best invention.”

       Semi-Contrition

      A second-grader preparing for First Reconciliation was practicing the Act of Contrition. He began, “O my God, I am partly sorry….”

       A Mystified Pray-er

      The senior class was on retreat at the sisters’ provincial center. The retreat director encouraged them to spend as much time as possible in the chapel.

      Later, one girl reported to the principal that she had a hard time praying. She said, “After a while I ran out of things to say. But every time I went back to the chapel, the same little old sisters were there. What could they find to say after praying for so many years?”

       A Happy Ending

      When November 2 came along, the second-graders learned about the poor souls in purgatory. At least one child remembered the lesson — at least partially. A few days later during the morning prayers of petition, Andrea prayed, “For the repose of the soul of my uncle. He was killed in a car accident but is doing much better now.”

       Rote Prayers

      Despite the school rule that no children may enter the building during recess, one day two young girls appeared at the principal’s office very excited. They announced, “Sister Regina, we saw the Blessed Virgin above the garages.”

      “Is that so? Did you tell the teacher out there?” Sister asked.

      “Yes,” the girls shook their heads. “She saw Mary too.”

      Deciding that this needed to be investigated, Sister Regina went outside and walked over to the teacher.

      “Yes,” the teacher confirmed, “some clouds were in the shape of the Blessed Virgin.”

      Turning to the two girls, Sister Regina asked, “What did you do when you saw Mary?”

      “Well,” one girl replied, “we said our First Communion prayers, then we prayed a Hail Mary, and then we said the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag.”

       A Fan

      In the school chapel there was a book in which the students recorded petitions. To the amusement of the faculty, one petition read, “That Sister Mary Judith Ann may continue to teach.”

       The Lord’s Sabbath

      The students were writing acrostic prayers to God based on their names. Each letter in their name began a phrase of their prayer. Maurene’s prayer was quite unusual. For one E in her name she had written, “Eternal rest grant unto you, O Lord.”

       A Parent’s Prank?

      Sister Thomasin told her third-graders that for homework they were to bring to school pictures of people they should pray for. To her surprise, one student came with a picture of Lady Godiva.

       Greeting Gabriel

      Sister asked her first-graders what Mary said when the angel appeared to her. A quick-thinking lad answered, “She probably said, ‘Angel of God, my guardian dear.’ ”

       It’s All Relative

      When praying intercessory prayers, Sister Regina’s fourth-graders prayed only for family members and pets. To teach the children to make their intentions more inclusive, Sister decided to act as a model. She began to offer prayers such as “For all police officers and firefighters who work to keep us safe” and “For people in hospitals and those who try to bring them back to good health.”

      One day Sister asked, “Does anyone notice that my prayers are different from everyone else’s?” Heads nodded vigorously.

      “How are they different?” Sister asked.

      Mark responded, “Well, we all pray for our relatives. But you don’t seem to have any.”

       Eager Beaver

      On the first day of school, Sister Harold explained the daily routine. She said, “When I tap the bell, we’ll all stand and say a little prayer.”

      A voice rang out, “Sister, don’t make it two decades, just one. I want to get going.”

       Prayer Posture

      The first-graders were talking about prayer. Johnny informed everyone that he prayed every night. “Can you say your night prayers for me?” Sister Mary de Xavier asked.

      The boy thought for a while and then asked, “Can I get on the floor?”

      “Sure,” Sister replied.

      Johnny got down on the floor, lay on his back, and folded his hands on his chest. Then he recited his night prayers.

       False Alarm

      Whenever fire engine sirens were heard during a lesson, Sister Ricarda and СКАЧАТЬ