Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms. Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND
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Название: Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms
Автор: Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Юмористические стихи
isbn: 9781612788579
isbn:
While correcting her third-graders’ tests, Sister Mary came upon this unique description of Moses: a man who took a man and woman of every kind on a boat.
A Major Mistake
In religion class, Sister Margaret asked her high school students, “What is the difference between the Major and Minor Prophets?”
There was a long silence. No one seemed to remember that the four Major Prophets were the ones who wrote the longest prophetic books in the Bible.
Finally, one student who knew something of Scripture guessed, “The major ones were there at the Resurrection, and the minor ones were hiding in the Upper Room.”
Accurate Records
Mike, a sixth-grader, was enlightened one day when Sister Bernadel explained that the Scripture reference Isaiah 7:14 stood for the book of Isaiah, chapter 7, verse 14. He confessed, “I thought that 7:14 meant the time Isaiah made the prophecy.”
Catholics in the Temple
One of Sister Anelle’s students read the Bible with a modern mind. He wondered why Jesus chased people out of the Temple for playing Bingo.
Irish Expats in Israel
Charlie, a fourth-grader, was retelling his favorite Bible story to his classmates. He began, “Jesus was walking along. He saw ten men who were very sick.”
He paused, trying to recall what was wrong with the men. “Umm, umm … they had a bad disease.”
Suddenly his face brightened. “They were all leprechauns!” he declared triumphantly.
Like the Cheshire Cat
One child knew the comic strips better than he knew the Bible. When Sister asked, “What was the name of the angel who appeared to Mary at the time of the Annunciation?” this student answered, “Garfield.”
Old Testament Fairy Tales
Sister Barbara’s sixth-grade CCD class was reviewing some Old Testament stories. In recounting the story of Joshua’s victory at the battle of Jericho, one lad got his tales mixed up. He said, “The Israelites surrounded the town of Jericho. Then they huffed and they puffed, and they blew the walls down.”
Then There’s the Pumpkin Eater
Sister Colette was about to tell her first-graders a Gospel story about Jesus and the apostle Peter. To introduce the story, she asked, “Does anyone know who Peter was?”
One boy timidly raised his hand and answered with a lisp, “I think he wath a wabbit.”
St. Paul’s Tenth Missionary Journey?
Sister Barbara was telling the kindergarteners stories about St. Paul. She explained how he traveled a lot, visiting Christian churches. “Did he come to Newbury?” asked one little boy, whose church was St. Helen’s in Newbury, Ohio.
3. The Mass
“Jesus on a stick?”
An Altered View
A little boy asked his teacher, “Before Mass starts, why does Father smell the altar?”
Holy Smokes!
During a school Mass, incense was used. On the way back to the classroom, a student unfamiliar with Catholic rites remarked to Sister Domicele, “Father Paul is a good cook.”
Terminology
Sister Brian was introducing the first-graders to some of the items used during Mass. She held up the processional cross, a pole topped by a crucifix that is carried at the head of the entrance procession.
“Does anyone know what this is?” Sister asked.
A youngster’s hand flew up, and she ventured a guess. “Jesus on a stick?”
A Logical Answer
A visiting priest from Uganda was presiding at a school Mass. During the homily he asked, “Does anyone know where I come from?”
One child raised his hand and answered, “China.”
The priest’s eyebrows shot up. “China? Why do you say that?”
“Well, everything comes from China,” the boy explained matter-of-factly.
An Early Responsorial Verse
At Mass, the first reading was the passage from Corinthians where St. Paul enumerates his sufferings as an apostle. Father read how Paul was imprisoned, whipped, beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, in danger from eight things, sleepless, hungry, cold, and naked. Suddenly a boy in the front row loudly blurted out, “Wow! What a guy!”
The priest dryly replied, “Well, at least one person is listening to the reading.”
Good Discipline
Sister Mary Adelle was perturbed. During Father’s homily at the school Mass, one of her second-graders in the front row was talking and fooling around. Not wanting to cause a disturbance by walking to the front, Sister just leaned forward and in a loud whisper said, “Neil!”
Immediately her whole class knelt. One by one the other classes followed suit until the whole student body was kneeling.
Intercession for Life
The second-graders were gathered for a school Mass. A child who was new to the school walked in late and sat at the end of the first pew. He had been to the practice for the liturgy, so he had some idea of the ritual. When it came time for the prayer of the faithful, he marched up to the lectern and prayed a spontaneous intercession: “For the birds and the bees, let us pray to the Lord.”
Fidelity
One day dignitaries from the Notre Dame community joined the school for its weekly Mass. The second-grade teacher was concerned because the student who was to read the responsorial psalm had not arrived. To remedy the situation, Sister asked her best reader to substitute.
At the appointed time, the substitute walked up to the lectern and proclaimed the responsorial verse: “The fiddle-dee-dee of the Lord remains forever.”
The whole school, including the eighth-graders, calmly repeated this refrain … and continued to repeat it to the end of the psalm.
Making Peace
The first-graders were at the school Mass for the first СКАЧАТЬ