Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms. Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND

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      Jesus, the God-man, had a funny bone like the rest of us. Perhaps he was familiar with the Jewish proverb, “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” Jesus conjures up ridiculous images: a camel trying to squeeze through the eye of a needle, a burning oil lamp placed under a bed, and a log in one’s eye. No doubt Jesus chuckled when he sent the fisherman Peter to fetch tax money in a fish and when he told about the persistent woman who threatened to give a judge a black eye. Jesus even stooped to making a pun, which is lost in translation. He spoke of straining out a gnat (galma) and swallowing a camel (gamla).

      Laughter has been called “the sound of the soul dancing” and “carbonated holiness.” It expresses inner joy, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit; and, according to the Jesuit Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God.

      Laughter also has physical benefits. For good reasons it is known as the best (and cheapest) medicine. Laughing promotes health by massaging the inner organs, strengthening the immune system, improving blood flow, and relaxing muscles. It also releases endorphins, the feel-good hormones that reduce stress and pain. Ironically, like a disease, laughter is contagious.

       The Origin of This Book

      This small book is a collection of humorous anecdotes gleaned from the classrooms of the Sisters of Notre Dame. For more than 140 years, we have been in the United States, carrying out the spiritual work of mercy “teaching the ignorant.” This challenging work has been brightened by the amusing things that students, parents, and we ourselves have done.

      Children are a constant source of laughter, as any parent knows. The surprising things they say and do keep the show America’s Funniest Home Videos in business. Many times during a school day, we teachers struggle to keep a straight face, and failing that, burst out in laughter, what comedian Milton Berle called “an instant vacation.”

      The anecdotes in this book cover misunderstandings, mispronunciations, and mistakes in various subject areas. The students range from preschool to high school age. Some humble sisters tell on themselves, recounting blunders they made. The merry tales found on these pages prove that truth is funnier than fiction. I guarantee that as you read them, you will smile, if not laugh out loud.

      Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? is a warm, enjoyable treat that makes the perfect gift for anyone associated with Catholic schools or looking for funny stories to add spice to a homily or talk. We must teach laughter to a world that has many reasons not to laugh. Isn’t this the point of Pope Francis’ apostolic exhortation The Joy of the Gospel?

      The little prince in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince leaves his friend the gift of his laughter. To whom can you give that gift today?

      Working with children, young and old, we sisters are laughing all the way to heaven! I invite you to join us. Go ahead. Indulge in a little laughter.

      Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND

      September 18, 2014

      Feast of St. Joseph of Cupertino

      (known for physical levity)

       1. Religion

      “Why does Father put Jesus into the microwave?”

       The Microwave?

      At a certain parish, the tabernacle was a wide rectangular box set into the wall. One day the primary children were learning about the Mass. At the end of the lesson, Sister asked, “Does anyone have any questions?”

      With furrowed brow, a child inquired, “Why does Father put Jesus into the microwave?”

       The Fourth Person

      The pastor posed a trick question to the students he was visiting. God is eternal and had no beginning, but Father asked, “Who is the oldest — God the Father, God the Son, or God the Holy Spirit?”

      The first child to answer said, “God the Father.”

      A second child asked, “God the Son?”

      A third child guessed, “The Holy Spirit.”

      After replying no to all three answers, feigning exasperation, Father asked, “Doesn’t anybody know who the oldest is?”

      Then a timid voice queried, “Is Amen the oldest?”

       A Papal Error

      Sister Sharon proved that teachers are not infallible. When she informed her second-graders that Pope Benedict XV had resigned, immediately one boy’s hand shot up. He commented, “Last year when I was in the first grade, he was Pope Benedict XVI.”

       A Handy Shopping List

      During a religion lesson, Sister Barbara presented her eighth-graders with a unique question. She said, “You are always writing reminders to yourselves on your hands. Suppose Jesus did this. What might he write on his hand?”

      One student in all seriousness proposed, “Buy soap for the washing of the feet.”

       Who’s Confused?

      The third-graders were reviewing the gifts God gave our first parents. There was one more gift to mention — namely, infused knowledge. “What gift is missing?” Sister asked.

      Martin’s face lit up, and he waved his hand excitedly.

      “Martin?”

      The boy stood and proudly stated, “God gave Adam and Eve confused knowledge.”

       A Good Guess

      Sister Elizabeth gave her class a quiz on the coming of Jesus to earth as a man. One child was weak in theology but strong in logic. In answer to the question “When the angel asked Mary to be the Mother of God, what did she say?” he had written, “Why me?”

       Forbidden Dentures

      The pastor was checking to see whether the first-graders remembered the previous lesson he had taught. Unfortunately, he called on Christina, who had been absent for that lesson. He asked her to recite the First Commandment. In response to her blank look, Father gave the child a helpful start. He prompted, “I am the Lord your God.”

      No response.

      Again he tried, “I am the Lord your God. You shall not …”

      Still no response.

      Yet again, “I am the Lord your God. You shall not have false …”

      This time Christina’s face lit up. “Teeth?” she asked hopefully.

       P for Perplexing

      Sister Barbara was discussing the last days of Jesus with the first-graders. “Jesus СКАЧАТЬ