Blue Notebook / Голубая тетрадь. Книга для чтения на английском языке. Даниил Хармс

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ at his head. – I, citizen Kuznetsov, left the… left the… Left the cellar? No. Left the boozer? No! Where did I leave?

      A fourth brick fell from the roof, hit Kuznetsov on the back of the head and a fourth lump came up on Kuznetsov.

      – Well, now then! – said Kuznetsov, scratching the back of his head. – I… I… I… Who am I? I seem to have forgotten what my name is… A likely story! Whatever's my name? Vasily Petukhov? No. Nikolay Sapogov? No. Panteley Rysakov? No. Well, who the hell am I?

      But then a fifth brick fell off the roof and so struck Kuznetsov on the back of the head that Kuznetsov forgot everything once and for all and, crying «Oh, oh, oh!», ran off down the street.

      If you wouldn't mind! If anyone should meet a man in the street with five lumps on his head, please remind him that his name is Kuznetsov and that he has to buy some carpenter's glue and repair a broken stool.

      Father and Daughter

      Natasha had two sweets. Then she ate one of the sweets and one sweet remained. Natasha placed the sweet on the table in front of her and started crying.

      Suddenly she has a look and on the table in front of her there lie two sweets again.

      Natasha ate one sweet and again started crying.

      Natasha cries and keeps one eye on the table to see whether a second sweet will appear. But a second sweet did not appear.

      Natasha stopped crying and started to sing. She sang and sang away, and suddenly died.

      Natasha's father arrived, took Natasha and carried her to the house manager.

      – Here – says Natasha's father – will you witness the death?

      The house manager blew on his stamp and applied it to Natasha's forehead.

      – Thank you – said Natasha's father and carried Natasha off to the cemetery.

      But at the cemetery was the watchman Matvei; he always sat by the gate and didn't let anyone into the cemetery, so that the dead had to be buried right on the street.

      The father buried Natasha on the street, removed his cap, placed it on the spot where he had interred Natasha and went off home.

      He arrived home and Natasha was already sitting there. How come? It's very simple: she climbed out from under the earth and ran back home.

      What a thing! The father was so taken aback that he collapsed and died.

      Natasha called the house manager, saying to him: – Will you witness a death?

      The house manager blew on his stamp and applied it to a sheet of paper and then on the same sheet of paper he wrote: «This certifies that so and so has actually died.»

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