THE SMITHY & NOBBY COLLECTION: 6 Novels & 90+ Stories in One Edition. Edgar Wallace

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      “We married her to the General,” and Smithy’s native sense of humour was responsible for the faint chuckle he gave. “Here — read this.”

      Another friendly lamppost obliged.

      “We beg to announce with much pleasure that Miss Fanny Gollingham our colonel’s daughter is walking out with General Stucker whose heroic conduct is greatly admired and the happy couple will soon leave on their honeymoon, We hope kind friends will rally round they being the first to help others.”

      “Did they print that?” I asked in an awestruck whisper.

      “They did,” said Smithy in a pained undertone.

      “Well?” I asked.

      “It was Nobby Clark who done it “ said Smithy explosively; “he sez, ‘Let’s sign it “Captain Clark of ‘B’ “ and “Major Smith of ‘H,’ “ for a lark.’

      “‘ Where’s the lark?’ I sez.

      “‘Why, fathead,’ he sez, ‘they won’t put it in unless they think we know all about it,’ he sez; so we signed it.”

      Smithy drew a crumpled newspaper cutting from his pocket:

      “We are happy, on the authority of Major Smith, of H Company, and Captain Clark, of B, to announce the engagement of Major-General Sir George Stucker, K.C.B., to the eldest daughter of Lieut.-Colonel Gollingham. The wedding will he celebrated at an early date, and Major Smith is to be best man.”

      I handed the cutting back.

      “Major Smith best man!” I murmured in amazement. “So that’s why you lost your job?”

      “Yes” said Smithy bitterly; “Nobby put that bit in when I wasn’t lookin’!”

18. The Photographer

       Table of Contents

      The War Office requests Officers Commanding Units to submit photographs and films suitable for conversion into lantern slides.

       — War Office Memorandum.

      The Officer Commanding wishes to notify N.C.O.’s and men in possession of cameras that all reasonable facilities will be given them for the purpose of securing photographs portraying Army life.

       — “A” Company’s orders.

      *

      “It appears,” explained Private Smith, “that they want to advertise the Army with a magic lantern. They’ve got a bit tired of showin’ a picture of a soldier in marchin’ order, an’ callin’ it ‘the advantages of the Army.’

      “We was talkin’ about it the other night down in the ‘0le in the Wall, me an’ Nobby Clark an’ a new chap of ‘A’ — I forget his right name for the minute, but we call ‘im Smiley — an’ Spud Murphy, an’ ‘Appy Johnson.

      “‘Wot’s the idea, Nobby?’ sez Spud, who’s been gettin’ on friendly terms with me an’ Nobby lately; ‘wot do they want our photos for?’

      “‘I don’t know,’ sez Nobby, ‘but me an’ Smithy are goin’ in for it — ain’t we, Smithy?’

      “‘No,’ I sez.

      “‘Me an’ Smithy’s got a camera,’ sez Nobby, takin’ no notice of wot I said, ‘an’ to — morrer we are goin’ round barracks to see what we can do in the photo line.’

      “I thought old Nobby was coddin’, but ‘e wasn’t, for up ‘e comes next mornin’ with one of them ooncertina machines that pull in an’ out, an at ten o’clock up goes Nobby to the Orderly Room an’ asks to see the old man.

      NOBBY VOLUNTEERS

      “‘Well, Clark,’ sez the Colonel, ‘what do you want?’

      “‘Beg pardon, sir,’ sez Nobby, ‘but me an’ Smithy’s got a camera, an’ we’d like to take a few photos for the War Office,’

      “The old man was as pleased as Punch. ‘Very good; very good, indeed,’ sez ‘e. Sergeant — Major, see that Smith an’ Clark are excused all parades for a week,’ ‘e sez. ‘Is that what you want?’

      “‘Yes, sir,’ sez Nobby.

      “So me an’ Nobby walked about for the rest of the week doin’ nothin, an’ the other chaps was very wild.

      “We used to go an’ watch ’em on parade an’ pretend to take snapshots of ‘em.

      “Nobby caused a bit of unpleasantness by sayin’ to the Adjutant that ‘e’d like to take a photograph of the regiment on parade in full marchin’ order.

      “‘You ought to know better,’ sez Spud Murphy, very fierce. ‘I’m surprised at you, Nobby. There ain’t another marchin’ order parade for a month, an’ ‘ere you’ve been an’ got orders put in for one to — morrer.’

      “All the chaps in the room who was busy cleanin’ their straps an’ packin their valises said ‘Ear, ‘ear,’ but me an’ Nobby sat on a bed cot doin’ nothin’.

      “‘You wait till you see yourselves in a magic lantern,’ sez Nobby. ‘An’, besides,’ ‘e sez, ‘I’m goin’ to take a lot of you chaps by yourselves to — morrow.’

      “‘Free?’ sez Spud, eagerly.

      “‘Don’t be a miser,’ sez Nobby, sternly; ‘don’t be, a miser, Spud, A tanner won’t break you, will it? It costs me that.’

      “‘‘Ow do you do it, Nobby?’ sez Smiler.’

      HOW IT IS DONE

      “‘It’s as simple as drinkin’, sez Nobby, gettin’ down ‘is camera. I point it at yoU, push this button, an’ you’re took in a minute.’

      “Well, Nobby kept the regiment standing half an hour on parade next morning waitin’ for the sun to come out.

      “Me an’ him was in the corner of the parade ground, ‘im ‘olding ‘is camera, me waggin’ my ‘ead backward an forward, tryin’ to look as if I knew all about it, an’ the battalion standin’ stiff to attention.”

      “Bimeby the sdjutant sings out:

      “‘‘Ave you taken it?’

      “‘No, sir,’ sings out Nobby.

      “‘Well, ‘urry up,’ sez he; an’ Nobby obeys orders an’ pushes the button.

      “‘I want to see that picture to — morrer,’ sez the Adjutant.

      “‘Yessir,’ СКАЧАТЬ