THE SMITHY & NOBBY COLLECTION: 6 Novels & 90+ Stories in One Edition. Edgar Wallace

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      “At any rate,” said Smithy, with a faint grin, “the question was, in a manner of speaking settled, for a few days after Nobby was sent for to the orderly-room an’ paraded before the Adjutant.

      “‘I see,’ sez the Adjutant, who was looking over Nobby’s papers, ‘that you describe yourself as a “cook” — is that right?’

      “‘Yes, sir,’ sez Nobby, without battin’ an eye.

      “‘What sort of a cook are you?’ says the Adjutant, lookin’ ‘ard at Nobby.

      “‘Very good, sir,’ sez Nobby modestly.

      “‘Well,’ sez the Adjutant, ‘we’re tryin’ a new system of messin’, so you can report yourself to the master cook for duty — you’re “B” Company’s cook.’

      “There was tremendous excitement in ‘B’ when it got out that Nobby was the new cook. Spud Murphy went up an’ saw the Adjutant, an’ asked to be transferred to another company.

      “‘I don’t want to say anything about Private Clark, sir,’ ‘e sez, ‘but I’m a very delikit eater, an’ Clark an’ me ain’t good friends.’

      “All the chaps got round Nobby in the barrack room, an’ started firin’ questions at him.

      “‘What are you going to make us, Nobby?’ they sez.

      “‘Wait an’ see,’ sez Nobby, cautious.

      “‘Are you a French cook, Nobby?’ sez Weary Thompson.

      “‘A bit French,’ sez Nobby, ‘an’ a bit Spanish. I’m what you call a chef.’

      “‘What’s that, Nobby?’

      “‘That’s the bit of French I was tellin’ you about,’ sez ‘e.

      “Nobby went into the town an’ bought a cookery book that tells you ‘ow to take stains out of silk dresses an’ ‘ow to clean old pictures, an’ started studyin’ this for all ‘e was worth.

      “Nobby took over the duty on Monday, and after havin’ a few words with the master cook about some kit the sergeant missed as soon as Nobby come on duty, he sort of calmed him by tellin’ him about a few French dishes ed learnt about.

      “‘We’ll ‘ave some “ Poulett de Anchester” to-day,’ sez Nobby.

      “‘What’s that?’ sez the master cook — Sergeant Brown, the fat sergeant, you know.

      “‘Roast chicken an’ caper sauce,’ sez Nobby, proudly.

      “‘Don’t be a fool, Clark,’ sez the sergeant, nastily. ‘We ‘aven’t got any chicken, you know that.’

      “‘Then we’ll have pot pourri,’ sez Nobby very quick.

      “‘What’s that?’ sez the sergeant, bewildered.

      “‘Anything we got,’ sez Nobby.

      “Everybody was talkin’ about the dinner, an’ we was all wonderin’ what we’d got in the way of food.

      “Spud Murphy got his name took on the ten o’clock parade for speakin’ in the ranks.

      “‘This afternoon,’ ‘e sez, very gloomy, ‘the pioneers’ll be wheelin’ a barrer round the square, ringin’ a bell an’ shoutin’ “Bring out your dead,” the same as it was at the great fire or London.’

      “When the cookhouse bugle went there wasn’t a man of ‘B’ left in the canteen — they was all sittin’ tight in the barrackroom waitin’ for the orderly man to bring in the dinner.

      “It come up all ‘ot and steamin’.

      “There was potatoes an’ cabbage an’ a curious-lookin’ lot of meat an’ stuff. Spud Murphy looks over it, sniffs, an’ sez: ‘I’ll have some potato and cabbage.’

      “As a matter of fact,” explained Smithy, “the dinner was very nice indeed, an’ Spud began to feel small when we told ‘im how we was enjoyin’ it.

      “When we’d nearly finished it, there was a bit of a commotion outside, an’ in rushes a chap from ‘C’ Company. He dashes up to the table an’ takes a long look at the tin the dinner come up in, an’ then shouts:

      “‘‘Ere! you bloomin’ thieves, you’re got our dinner, an’ we’ve got yours.’

      “‘Well.’ sez the corporal, very kindly, ‘you’re welcome to it.’

      “‘Ho are we!’ sez the ‘C’ man, shakin’ his ‘ead fiercely. ‘Well, just come an’ ‘ave a look at the stuff we’ve got.’

      “So we all finished up our dinner quick, with the ‘C’ chap lookin’ on with tears in his eyes, an’ walks over to ‘C’ Company room. The dinner was steamin’ on the table, an’ everybody was standin’ a long way off lookin’ wild an’ hungry.

      “‘What’s up?’ sez our corporal.

      “‘That,’ sez the corporal of the otner room, very agitated, ‘that’s what’s up,’ sez ‘e, pointin’ to the dinner.

      “We all looked at it; it looked all right. We smelt it; it smelt all right.

      “‘Taste it,’ sez the other corporal.

      “Our corporal ‘esitated a bit, then sampled the gravy.

      “Just then the orderly officer arrived to ask if there was any complaints. ‘E was just goin’ to ask when ‘e saw our corporal.

      “‘What’s the matter with Corporal White?’ ‘e sez; ‘is ‘e took ill?’

      “‘No sir,’ sez the other corporal, an’ then explains about the dinner, whilst me and another chap assisted our corporal into the fresh air.

      “When we got back the officer was talkin’.

      “‘Send for Private Clark,’ he sez. So they did, an’ in a minute in walks Nobby lookin’ very pleased with hisself — one of our chaps had told him what a success our dinner was, an’ he thought the orderly officer had sent for ‘im to show the ‘C’ cook ‘ow to make a dinner.

      “I will say,” said Smithy, enthusiastically, “old Nobby looked every inch a shef! White coat, white ‘at, an’ very nearly white apron.

      “‘Clark,’ sez the orderly sternly. ‘did you prepare this?’

      “Nobby was surprised to see ‘B’s dinner in ‘C’s room, but ‘e looked at it, an’ sez, ‘Yes.’

      “‘What do you call it?’ sez the officer.

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