THE COMPLETE WORKS OF ÉMILE ZOLA. Эмиль Золя

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СКАЧАТЬ I had to stifle my feelings. Very soon Monsieur de Rionne took to his bachelor ways. I met him now and then at meals. I knew his daily life was an insult to me. And so I shut myself up with my little girl in a corner of the house; I looked upon it as my convent, and I vowed to live as if I were really cloistered there. At times my whole being was in revolt, and I could only appear serene and victorious at the price of much hidden suffering.”

      “What!” thought Daniel, “is this what life really is? My saint has indeed suffered! She, whom I delighted to contemplate as a superior being, quite happy, quite divine, was all the time weeping with misery, while I adored her as one above all pain. Is there nothing, then, in the world but sorrow? Does heaven not even spare such souls as are worthy of it? What a terrifying world is ours! When I thought of my benefactress, I imagined her in joy and peace, sheltered from evil by her goodness; she seemed to me serene, like those holy women who have halos round their heads and peaceful smiles on their lips. But what do I find? Only that she weeps, because she has cause, and her heart bleeds like mine, and she is my sister in suffering.”

      His heart was wounded. He was silent, terrified at the sad picture which rose up before him. For this was the first step he made in the knowledge of life; all the ignorance of his being revolted face to face with the injustice of evil. He would not have shuddered thus if it had not been a question of one so beloved; but the cruel reality had been revealed, wounding his inmost feelings. A shivering fear, as it were, seized him, for he felt that from that time forward he must face the sternest facts of life. Notwithstanding, his desire for self-sacrifice impelled him to listen intently to this last confession. He considered that he was receiving solemn commands, and so he waited for his duty to be prescribed for him.

      His continued silence compelled Madame de Rionne to understand what was passing through his mind. She felt him tremble like a timid child, and she almost regretted that she had troubled this hitherto tranquil heart. A kind of coquetry came upon her, and she almost wished that he should always think of her as a noble and upright soul rather than as one who had been subject like others to human weakness.

      “I am speaking to you of sad things,” she continued, “and I know not even if you understand me thoroughly. However, I must speak out, and you must forgive me. I am confessing to you as to a priest — a priest has, so to speak, no age; he is only a soul that listens. You are now merely a child, and my words terrify you. When you are a man you will recollect them. They will teach you what a woman can suffer; they will tell you what I expect of your devotion.”

      At this point Daniel interrupted her.

      “Do you think I am a coward?” he asked. “I am only ignorant. Life frightens me because I do not know it, and it appears all black to me. But I will enter it with a firm will if you are concerned in its purpose. Speak! What is my mission to be?”

      Blanche drew him near her and in a low voice, as if she was afraid of being overheard, she said:

      “You have seen my little girl, my poor Jeanne, who was playing here just now. She has just turned six. I am going away without knowing her, so to speak, without being able to tell whether there is good or bad in her. This uncertainty doubles my sufferings and makes death indeed awful to me. And I say to myself: I am leaving this child quite alone. I reflect that perhaps she will, like me, be wounded by hardhearted people, and may be she will not have the courage I have had in facing it.” With a wave of her hand, the dying woman seemed to drive away a disturbing vision.

      “I said to myself,” she continued, “I should always be near her, preparing a happy life for her, training her heart. When I felt death coming I sought for some one to fill my place and I found none. My parents are dead.

      I have led a cloistered life. I have made no friends, and Monsieur de Rionne has only one sister, given up to luxury, in whom Jeanne would find a bad example, and I am terrified at the very thought of my husband taking charge of her. I have told you enough for you to understand the fear that seizes me when I contemplate my little girl falling into his hands. I wish to protect my child from him.”

      Once again she paused and then added: “You see now, my friend, what your mission is. The task I give you is to watch over my child. I desire you to be as a guardian angel to her.”

      Daniel knelt down, and he trembled with emotion. He was unable to speak, and the only answer he could give, the only thanks he could give utterance to, was to kiss Madame de Rionne’s hand.

      “It is a hard task,” she said as she went on, “I am imposing upon you. Death presses me close, and I must hurry on without knowing how much you will be able to accomplish. I dare not think of difficulties in store for you, or the strange part you will have to play. Heaven has been good in sending you here, and in granting this consolation to my heart. And heaven will still be kind, and help you in your trust, and guard you in your perils. Only, remember my last wish, and walk firmly on. I trust to your devotion.”

      At last Daniel, full of emotion, was able to speak.

      “Oh, thank you, thank you!” he exclaimed. “Now I shall truly live. How good of you to have thought of me, to have had confidence in me! You shower benefits upon me even to the last.”

      A motion from Blanche interrupted him.

      “Let me finish. My pride prevented me from withholding my money from my husband; what he asked me for I granted him. At the present moment I have no idea how we stand. No doubt my daughter will be poor, and it is almost pleasant for me to think so. I only regret not to be able to leave you some money.”

      “Regret nothing,” cried Daniel. “I will work. Heaven will provide for all.”

      The dying woman was failing fast. Her head slid on to the pillow; but, speaking with difficulty, she continued:

      “So all goes well. I have opened my heart to you; now I feel calm, now I can die content. You will watch over Jeanne; you will be a friend to her; you must protect her against the world. Follow her, step by step, as closely as possible; keep her from danger, awaken every good quality of her heart. But, above all, marry her to a worthy man; then your task will be accomplished. When a woman marries a bad man, as I know to my cost, the solitude of desertion is fearful, and it requires great determination not to make a mistake and fall. Whatever happens, do not forsake her. Remember constantly that your good angel, on her deathbed, besought you to be faithful to your mission. Do you swear it?”

      “I swear it,” murmured Daniel, ‘midst suffocating sobs.

      Blanche closed her eyes like a child going to sleep, then she slowly opened them again.

      “All this is terrible, my child,” she murmured. “I know not what the future has in store for you; I foresee, however, great obstacles. But, nevertheless, heaven, as you said, will provide for everything.... Kiss me.”

      Daniel, confused, bent over her and set his quivering lips on the pale forehead of Madame de Rionne. The poor woman, with closed eyes, smiled faintly, while receiving that solemn kiss of devotion and love.

      Night had now quite set in; the stars could be seen twinkling in the clear sky. A sound of footsteps was heard and a chambermaid entered, bearing a lamp; she drew near the dying woman.

      “Here is your husband, madame,” said she.

      And as Daniel returned to his place in the window recess, Monsieur de Rionne came in, terror-stricken.

      CHAPTER II

      BLANCHE was born in the south СКАЧАТЬ