All About Me: Loving a narcissist. Simon Crompton

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СКАЧАТЬ target="_blank" rel="nofollow" href="#fb3_img_img_58d52c2d-49b0-582d-9e51-b2c4d6bbd220.jpg" alt="images"/> Do you sometimes think you are too trusting?

      

Do you fear conflict?

      

Do you try to encourage others to collaborate?

      

Do you hate the idea of people not liking you?

      

Do you find it hard to make tough decisions?

       The obsessional

      Rather than being dependent on the people around them, as erotics are, people in this group are very self-reliant, and are guided by worries about what might be the right thing to do. They are naturally conservative, sticklers for detail, and upholders of existing institutions rather than innovators.

      

Do you set yourself high ideals that you try to live up to?

      

Are you diligent?

      

Are you a stickler for timekeeping?

      

Are you obsessive about tidiness?

      

Are you choosy about your friends, but tend to be loyal?

      

Do you set about completing tasks in a very systematic way?

      

Are you resistant to change?

      

Do you get upset if things are not done the right way?

      

Are you judgemental?

       The narcissistic

      Love is not a prime influence for members of this group – their main interest is self-preservation. Narcissists are independent and not easily overawed. They can strike others as being ‘personalities’ and often want to change things radically.

      

Do you only trust your own opinions?

      

Do you sometimes think the world is conspiring against you?

      

Do you think people are either for you or against you?

      

Are you competitive?

      

Do you voraciously want to learn things?

      

Are you very sensitive to criticism?

      

Do you tend not to listen to others?

      

Do you tend to exaggerate?

      

Do others find you a bit grandiose?

      

Do you have a strong vision of how things should be, and want to change everything to fit?

      INTERPRETING THE RESULTS

      You may well find that you (or the person you are answering on behalf of) don’t clearly fall into one category – you’re most likely to have a personality that bestrides two of these groups. This is typical. Mixed types are far more common than pure types – reflecting the fact that human beings aren’t easily classifiable caricatures. Freud commented that erotic-obsessionals, erotic-narcissists, and narcissistic-obsessionals really do reflect the personalities of many people encountered by psychotherapists. Here are the characteristics of the crossover groups:

       Erotic obsessionals

      Dependent on those currently close to them, but also dependent on those who have created a sense of order for them in the past, such as parents and educators. This gives them their sense of security. They are generally systematic people who want to help others, but worry about being loved.

       Erotic narcissists

      Perhaps the most common group, where the contrasting attitudes of narcissists and obsessionals towards love and dependence cancel each other out. They are generally creative people who are poor on the details.

       Narcissistic obsessionals

      Culturally very valuable people, because they have a resilient independence, but act out of conscience, and do so with great vigour. They are generally people who at their best can be charismatic yet practical, and at their worst are controlling and paranoid.

      You’ll see a lot in this personality-typing that tallies with the characteristics of narcissists pinpointed in our earlier checklists. What’s different here is that narcissistic characteristics are very much integrated into the human personality as a whole. Freud and his followers in the field of psychoanalysis and psychology have not necessarily viewed narcissism as bad. It simply exists. Indeed, the leading American psychoanalyst and business consultant, Michael Maccoby (to whom I should acknowledge a debt for inspiring the above questionnaire), believes that the natural energy and individuality of narcissists is the key to much industrial progress and innovation. As we’ll see in Chapters 6 and 7, narcissism is a strong and sometimes positive influence on society.

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