e: A Novel. Matt Beaumont

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СКАЧАТЬ welcome!!!!

      Hi, we met really briefly in Bar Zero the other night!!!! I’m the girl you’re taking over from in the creative dept!!! Give me a shout and I’ll show you round and tell you what the job’s all about. Don’t worry about a thing, ’cos I’m sure you’ll fit in really, really well!!!!! Simon Horne’s PA, Susi, is an absolute love and she’ll make you feel right at home!!!! Zxxx

      [email protected]

      5/1/00, 9.15am

      to… debbie_wright@littlewoods/manchester.co.uk

      cc…

      re… London calling

      Two days in London and I’m in advertising. I went to a temp agency last week and they got me into this place called Miller Shanks. They did those shite ads for Kimbelle – you know, the Artist Formerly Known as Ginger Spice bunjee-jumping, looking like someone shoved a high voltage cable up her arse. I’m working for the CEO (posh for managing director) who spends his whole time staring at my nipples like I just invented the things. It was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks but it’s turned permanent. Next week I start as a PA in the creative department. That’s the bit that has the ideas, but all I’ve seen them do so far is fifty grams of charlie. Some of the lads are a laugh though. One of them thinks he’s on for a shag, but he looks too much like Bart Simpson (overbite, spiky hair and slightly jaundiced). Mind you, after a few Stellas he starts looking like Brad Pitt, so who knows? Anyway, it’s fucking la-la land here. No one does any work. They just talk about it. Yesterday two secretaries beat ten shades of shit out of each other. Think that’s why I ended up getting offered the permanent job. How’s Salford since I left? Seen that sad twat, Terry? Tell him if he comes anywhere near London I’ll break his other thumb as well. Write/call when you can. Miss you – Lolx

      Daniel Westbrooke – 5/1/00, 9.24am

      to… Susi Judge-Davis

      cc… Simon Horne

      re… Coke

      Morning, Susi. I trust you are well. I have been trying you and Simon but keep getting voicemail. I know you are both awfully busy, so I thought I would send you a quick e. David wants to review the creative work for Coke at 11.30. I know it is a pain, giving us all such short notice, so let me know if there’s anything my temp can do to help set it up.

      Daniel Westbrooke – 5/1/00, 9.32am

      to… David Crutton

      cc…

      re… an early review is a good review!

      My temp passed on the message about the Coke review. Excellent! I agree, we should have the work on the table ASAP. I hope our creative wunderkinder do not let us down. I do not think any of them are in yet – knowing them, they will have been toiling away until the cock crowed. Let me know when we are on. I am ready and waiting.

      debbie_wright@littlewoods/manchester.co.uk

      5/1/00, 9.45am

      to… [email protected]

      cc…

      re… Salford replying

      We have contact! Well done, girl! They pay a ton in advertising, don’t they? What you on – twenty grand? Higher? Salford’s the same old, but you’ve only been gone a week, so it’s hardly going to change. Did see Terry at Pizza Hut looking wounded/pissed – couldn’t tell really. Got to go. This isn’t like your new job – we actually have to work. Call soon. Love, Debs.

      David Crutton – 5/1/00, 10.04am

      to… Daniel Westbrooke

      cc…

      re… an early review is a good review!

      I was informing you that I wanted to review the work. I wasn’t asking you to be there. Please pay attention.

      David Crutton – 5/1/00, 10.09am

      to… Simon Horne

      cc… Susi Judge-Davis

      re… are you alive?

      I’ve e-mailed you once already this morning without response. In fact, it seems my entire workforce has tried to make contact with you, with no success. I don’t expect any trouble today, Simon. You and I are going to review Coke at 11.30 on the dot.

      Brett Topowlski – 5/1/00, 10.20am

      to… Liam O’Keefe

      cc…

      re… Shit, meet Fan

      Susi says Crutton has gone fucking apeshit. She doesn’t know why, but he wants a Coke review. 11.30 TODAY! Shit! Got anything? Me and Vin have sweet FA. We were slaughtered last night. Where the fuck were you? You were spot on, Lol wasn’t wearing knickers – had to drop my lighter half a dozen times to be certain. Anyway, only just got in, and the one line we had on Coke went up Vin’s nose last night. I have a bad feeling.

      Liam O’Keefe – 5/1/00, 10.27am

      to… Brett Topowlski

      cc…

      re… Neck, meet Noose

      Coke, today? What the fuck is going down? Sorry I didn’t make it last night, but Pinki flew back in from her clairvoyant with one of her creative auras, so we did a late one. Reminded me why I put up with her and her Nick Drake albums. She was brilliant and came up with a blinder for Mako.

      And stuff your problems. Think about me. I’m a fucking fire officer!

      Nigel Godley – 5/1/00, 10.50am

      to… Accounts Department

      cc…

      re… let’s make this the best fire drill ever!

      As your designated fire officer, I’d like to draw your attention to the diagrams I circulated to all of you. These set out your starting positions for the drill. Can you log off your PCs at 11.23 hrs and take your marks at precisely 11.25 hrs? This will ensure that when the alarm sounds at 11.30 hrs, you will be in the optimum state of readiness to make a safe and rapid evacuation.

      And perhaps this time we will beat our previous best of 3 minutes and 21 seconds. Good luck, Team Finance!

      Nige

      David Crutton – 5/1/00, СКАЧАТЬ