Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know: Ten principles for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. Barbara Angelis De

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СКАЧАТЬ And even more miraculously, I felt magical: I was completely happy and fulfilled, not just because I had an Enchanted Castle to play with, but because I had helped to create that castle. And the castle meant much more to me this way than if it had come ready made, perfect, leaving nothing for me to do but admire it. For the real magic of the castle was that even though it looked like I was putting it together, it was putting me together.

      It has been almost thirty years since I made that trip to the toy store. In the decades that have passed, I’ve faced many challenges, trials, and crises, both personally and professionally. There were times when my life looked nothing like the picture I’d always had of how things would turn out for me, but instead, resembled a confused pile of little pieces similar to that castle spread on top on my bed. And at these moments, I often felt angry, frustrated, and frightened, just like I had when I was seven: “Why do things have to be this way?” I’d cry. “Why does life have to be so hard?”

      But each time I’d experience these feelings, I’d remember my castle. For just as the ad on the box had promised, my Enchanted Castle did help me learn how to make my dreams come true, my highest dreams: It taught me that life was about putting myself together, and not coming already “finished.” It taught me that the purpose of my life wasn’t to make everything look perfect on the outside, but to grow on the inside as the events of my destiny worked to teach me patience, courage, and self-acceptance.

      What Is the Purpose of Your Life?

      I share this story with you because it illustrates one of the most important points of this book—that when we don’t understand how something is supposed to work, if we aren’t clear about its purpose, we can incorrectly conclude that there is a problem where there isn’t one at all. When I was nine, I thought the purpose of getting that castle was to take it out of the box ready made and enjoy it. I didn’t understand that its real purpose was to teach me certain skills and lessons, and ultimately, to give me a sense of self-confidence I never would have attained if I hadn’t been forced to put those pieces together. This same principle applies to every part of our lives—if we don’t understand the purpose of what we’re going through, then we can misjudge the experience and even the outcome.

      So what is the purpose of your life? Have you ever asked yourself that challenging question? What is the purpose of each year? Of each day? And how do you know whether or not you have fulfilled that purpose when you go to sleep each night, or on New Year’s Eve each year as you evaluate the twelve months past, or at the end of your life as you look back over how you have lived? How do you know whether or not your life has been successful?

      Each of us has our own answers. Maybe you feel one of the purposes of your life is to get married and raise a family, or to create a comfortable lifestyle and a beautiful home, or to have a stimulating and rewarding career, or perhaps something less personal and more global, such as to contribute something valuable and lasting to society. And there are subpurposes and goals, as well—for instance, that you want to travel, or to make sure all of your children graduate from college, or to build up your business so you can leave a large inheritance to your grandchildren.

      These purposes become what I call your “shoulds”:

       I should be happily married by a certain age.

       I should have children and they should turn out a certain way.

       I should have the home I’ve always dreamed of.

       I should have a rewarding career.

       I should do something with my artistic talents.

       I should be making a certain amount of money.

       I should be helping others.

       I should weigh a certain amount, and no more.

       I should be more successful than my parents were.

       I should have a certain amount of money saved up for my retirement.

       I should have done certain things and gone to certain places before I die.

      Now, imagine that a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while calls you up one day and asks, “How have you been doing?” What determines your answer? How do you decide how you have been doing? You probably do the same thing that I and everyone else does—you unconsciously check your list of “shoulds” and see how many of them you are able to check off as “done,” and how many are still incomplete. Or to use the analogy from my introduction, you check your plates to see which ones are spinning and which have fallen. Your “shoulds” become the basis upon which you evaluate how successfully you have been living.

      Let’s say that in the past month, you went through a painful breakup with a man you’d been in love with, your company downsized and informed you that you should start looking for a new job, you were overdrawn on two credit cards, and you gained five pounds. How would you most likely respond when your friend asks, “How are you doing?” You know the answer: “I’m not doing well at all. In fact, I’m having a terrible month!” Perhaps you’re feeling like a failure; perhaps your self-esteem has plummeted. Perhaps your faith in life itself has been shaken, because nothing is turning out the way you think it should.

      If you believe that the purpose of your life that month is to be in a great relationship, or have a stable job, or pay off your credit cards, or maintain the perfect weight, you will, indeed, feel like a failure. You will berate yourself and conclude that you are having a “bad” month, that somehow, you are blowing it. You will make yourself suffer.

      This is how you sabotage your sense of self-esteem. You evaluate yourself based on a set of misunderstandings about what the purpose of your life really is. But the truth is, nothing that most of us have on our “should” list is the purpose of life.

      Here is the second of our ten secrets:

      SECRET NUMBER TWO:

      THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS FOR

      YOU TO GROW

      INTO THE BEST HUMAN BEING

      YOU CAN BE

      What this secret doesn’t say is as important as what it does say. It doesn’t say that the purpose of life is to find the right partner, or become successful, or to raise a family, or to contribute something valuable to the planet, or even to feel good. It says that the purpose of your life is for you to grow.

      This is one of the most basic metaphysical truths there is. This secret says, in effect, that life on earth is a classroom, and that you and I and everyone are students, here to learn certain lessons. In other words, life is not supposed to just go smoothly. Things are not supposed to be perfect. We are supposed to experience challenges. We are supposed to undergo difficulty. We are here to learn.

      The problem is that we have forgotten this great truth, this purpose of our lives. It’s as if we sign up to come to earth thinking it is going to be some fabulous vacation spot. Then we are born, we arrive here, and begin to discover that СКАЧАТЬ