Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know: Ten principles for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. Barbara Angelis De

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СКАЧАТЬ to your bedroom. Your husband is at the sink brushing his teeth. “Good morning, honey,” you say cheerfully, kissing him on the cheek. “Morning,” he mumbles back distractedly. You feel a painful tug in your heart, wishing he had greeted you with more affection, and as you wonder if something’s wrong between you, your sense of well-being shrinks some more. You shower and dress. As you pull on your pants you notice that they seem tighter than you remember. “Oh no, I have gained a few pounds again,” you lament. Another expectation crashes down as it collides with reality. It hasn’t even been an hour since you woke, and already you have collected enough evidence to make yourself feel some degree of discontent and unhappiness.

      I am sure you have your own version of this scenario, your own list of unmet expectations which build up during a typical day or a typical week and put you into a less than happy state of mind. You think: “If these things occur, I’ll feel happy. But if these other things occur, I will feel unhappy.” I know I have an unconscious list like this; most people do.

      The problem with these lists of expectations is that they set us up for inevitable disappointment. Why? Because life is unpredictable. No matter how hard we try to control people and events and circumstances, we fail. People don’t behave as we want them to. Circumstances change that we’d hoped would stay the same. Events occur that are not in our control. As I wrote in the introduction, our spinning plates drop. Or, as a popular bumper sticker says, “Shit happens.” And we all know it does.

      What I’ve been describing is probably the most fundamental way you may be sabotaging your happiness in this life:

       When you go through each day expecting what is happening outside of yourself to make you happy, you are setting yourself up for failure. You are setting yourself up for misery. You make yourself a victim of circumstances you cannot control and become dependent upon others for your own state of joy and contentment.

      Why is basing your happiness on what’s happening in your outer life such a spiritual and emotional dead end? Because, ironically, when you count on the events of your outer life to make you happy, you are trying to create stability by clinging to that which is always changing! By nature, everything in life is in constant motion. Nothing stays the same for long. So hoping to create peace and tranquility by getting everything in your life to fall perfectly into place is as futile as jumping into a turbulent ocean and somehow hoping you will stay still.

      The ancient scriptures of many religions have pointed out this dilemma for thousands of years: All pain and suffering comes from attachment to that which is inevitably always changing. When we spend our time and energy trying to get it all perfect on the outside, we are focusing our attention in the wrong direction.

      So if what’s outside is always changing, if your plates are always going to drop, if some of your expectations are always going to be disappointed, how can you create a sense of happiness and contentment in life? The answer is to go in the opposite direction from the one we’re used to going in, to make a shift from trying to create stability on the outside to creating it on the inside.

      This is the first secret about life I want to share with you:

      SECRET NUMBER ONE:

      EVERYTHING YOU NEED

      TO BE HAPPY IS INSIDE OF YOU

      What does this statement actually mean? It means that you already have the key to your own happiness inside of you. It’s your own inner state that determines whether or not you’re happy, and not what happens to you on the outside. Maybe you didn’t realize that, but it’s true. And you’re already experiencing this amazing phenomenon every day.

      Think back to a time in your life when you were doing something that “should” have made you happy, such as going out to eat at a wonderful restaurant, or attending a concert you’d been waiting to see, or traveling to an exciting vacation spot you’d looked forward to visiting, BUT … you couldn’t enjoy what you were doing on the outside because you were feeling terrible on the inside. Maybe you were sitting all dressed up at the fabulous restaurant, but knew that someone you loved, such as one of your children or a family member, was ill, so you just couldn’t enjoy the food or the atmosphere. Maybe you were in the audience at the concert you’d been waiting months to attend, but you just had a terrible day at work and were so angry about a situation there that you couldn’t get excited about the show at all. Or maybe you were on an exotic vacation with your partner in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but he was being very cold, distant, and unromantic with you, and you felt so hurt that it didn’t matter where you were.

      What was making you unhappy in these situations? The restaurant? The concert? Being on vacation? No … in fact, these are the very things you thought would make you happy.

      You know just how this works. It always starts with a simple desire: “If I could just take a few weeks and go to Hawaii, I’d be so happy,” you tell yourself. And you finally decide to do it. And you announce to all your friends that you are going, and you can’t wait. And you think about it for months. “Only three more weeks, and we’ll be in Hawaii!” “Only one more week, and I’ll be lying on the beach drinking a piña colada!” Then finally you’re there, and your husband isn’t paying much attention to you, and you’re feeling unloved, and you’re lying on the beach feeling absolutely miserable. And suddenly, the same things that were supposed to make you happy are driving you crazy: it’s too hot and the couple in the adjacent lounge chair is bugging you and you can’t stand the hotel and you’re having a crummy time and wish you’d never come in the first place.

      Why isn’t Hawaii making you happy when you were so sure it would? Because Hawaii doesn’t have the power to make you happy. If it did, you’d be lying there thinking, “To hell with the fact that my husband is acting like a slug—I’m in Hawaii!! Who cares if my marriage is on the rocks? Look at those gorgeous palm trees!! Gosh, I’m happy!”

      Hasn’t this happened to you? Haven’t you finally gone somewhere or done something you thought would make you feel wonderful, only it doesn’t, and you wonder to yourself, “Gee, I paid a lot of money for this. I should be enjoying it. I should be having a good time. What’s wrong?”

      What’s wrong is that nothing on the outside is ever going to be more powerful than your own inner state of consciousness. You could be in the most beautiful spot on the planet, but if your heart is hurting, or your mind is anxious, you’ll be miserable. And the opposite is true as well—you could be in the most unappealing place, but if your inner state is joyous and contented, you will feel happy where you are. You will create your own paradise.

      Living Life from the Inside Out

      This is an amazing and radical revelation about one of the secrets of life:

       Life happens from the inside out. If you are happy, it is because of what is going on inside of you. If you are sad, it is because of what is going on inside of you. Your world is all happening inside of you.

      The world itself is a neutral place. Nothing that happens to you is inherently positive or negative. It is your interpretation of it that makes it a positive or negative experience. It is what you do with it inside yourself that makes it positive or negative. In fact, nothing really happens to your true self on the outside. All of your reactions to life take place on the inside. That’s why, whether you have understood it this way or not, you are already living life from the inside out.

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