Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know: Ten principles for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. Barbara Angelis De

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      “I love it!” I replied. “May I pass it on to others?”

      He grinned even wider. “My grandma would be happy to know you did.”

      Isn’t this a wonderful phrase to remember? Just because I make a mistake doesn’t mean I AM a mistake. And we can take it one step further and remind ourselves that what we think is a mistake is just a lesson in disguise, waiting to be learned.

      If Growth Is So Good for Me, Why Does It Feel So Bad?

      Even when we believe that all we’ve been discussing is true, that the purpose of life is to grow, that we are here to learn lessons, still, it’s not always easy to love ourselves in the midst of a period of “growth.” Why is this? Because growth is usually not a comfortable experience. It can be scary. It can be painful. One reason for this is that in order to grow, you need to change from who and what you were to something new. And change involves letting go. You can’t grow without letting go of where you were.

      Imagine you are holding really tightly onto something in your hand. Suddenly, you see something else that you want more than what you have. What do you do? You don’t even think about it—you open your hand, and you pick up the new item. But in the process, what else have you done? You’ve let go of what was originally in your hand.

      Growth always costs us something. We see this truth in Nature all the time. The bud of a rose starts out covered in tight leaves, but when the bud begins to grow and open, the green coverings get ripped to pieces. When a flower is ready to shoot forth from the ground, the dirt that was in that place gets thrown to the side as the shoot comes up.

       Moving forward in life always costs us the past. Everything that we gain always costs us what we must let go of.

      Letting go is never easy, and almost always makes us uncomfortable, as we will discuss in the next few chapters. And because it makes us uncomfortable, we often erroneously conclude that something bad is happening to us when we are being forced to let go and to grow, because it doesn’t feel good.

      This is such an important point to understand, and one of the most essential secrets about life:

       There is a difference between what is pleasant and what is beneficial.

      Just because something is unpleasant, or makes you uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it is not beneficial or not good for you. In fact, often it is what makes us most uncomfortable that serves us the most. If you go to the doctor and he says, “I am going to have to perform some procedures that will be painful, but they will be good for you,” you wouldn’t question him and respond, “How can they be good for me if they are unpleasant?” Your common sense tells you that in the science of medicine, many procedures that are beneficial in helping your body remain healthy or heal may, indeed, not be very pleasant. However, we often forget to translate this same understanding to other parts of our lives.

      Have you ever gone through a very challenging, uncomfortable time that you can now look back on and say, “I grew so much—it was the best thing that ever happened to me”? At the time, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to you. Why? Because it didn’t feel good. Because it made you so uncomfortable. It was impossible for you to imagine how something beneficial could be happening when you felt so miserable.

      This is how we often mistake times of tremendous growth as “bad times”: We misinterpret the discomfort for something that isn’t beneficial. We conclude that we must be doing something wrong. How could something good be happening when everything looks like a mess? But actually, discomfort usually means that you are in the midst of great growth. And the opposite can be true, as well—when you are feeling really comfortable for long periods of time, it may be that you aren’t growing much at all.

      Secret Number Two says: The purpose of life is for you to grow into the best human being you can be. We need to remind ourselves of this principle again and again, so that we can recognize our growth, honor ourselves for our growth, and find the courage to keep growing. And we need to remind each other—our partners, our friends, our children—so that when we see them growing and learning lessons, we can say, “I’m so proud of you. You are so courageous. You’re doing so well,” rather than buying into the old illusions that because things don’t look perfect, there must be something wrong.

      No matter how much I teach these principles to others, I still need those same reminders myself. Recently I was experiencing one of those “growth spurts,” when many areas of my life suddenly decided to teach me lessons all at the same time. Even though I have spent the past few years lecturing on these ten secrets, my first reaction to my plates wobbling was, “Oh no! Not again!”

      Fortunately, I know that when I feel like I’m not seeing things the way they really are, it’s time for me to talk to one of my close friends so he or she can straighten me out. And so I called a friend of mine named Ron Scolastico, who is a great teacher, author, and a great channeler of wisdom.

      “Ron,” I began, “I can’t believe my life is in a state of upheaval again. I thought I finally had everything under control, and that things would calm down for a while. But so much is changing, for the hundredth time! And I feel so unsettled and uncomfortable. What am I doing wrong?”

      “Barbara,” Ron said, “don’t forget that when you came into this life, on the form you filled out about what you wanted, you didn’t check the box next to Stability, you checked the box next to Growth.”

      Instantly, I started to laugh. Because I knew in my heart that what he was saying was true. That’s what I wanted. I hadn’t checked the stability box. I checked Growth and then I underlined it and put stars and arrows around it, and then handwrote a little note next to it that said: “Please, please, as much as growth as possible!” And then, of course, I forgot about the form and was born. And ever since I can remember, I sure have been growing!

      You must have filled out one of those same forms and checked the same box that I did, or you wouldn’t be reading this book. I’m glad we are growing together. Doesn’t it feel good to know that you are living your purpose here on earth?

       SECRET NUMBER THREE Change Is Inevitable, So Stop Resisting and Surrender to Life’s Flow

       You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

      ANONYMOUS

      There is one underlying reality present everywhere in our physical universe: change. Day turns into night and night turns back into day; summer turns into autumn and then winter. The cells of your body are all changing at this very moment. In fact, there is nothing about the universe that isn’t changing right now. Change is inevitable, and therefore everything in life is impermanent, and constantly moving. Nothing stays the same for very long.

      Nature doesn’t complain about the fact that it is expected to constantly go through changes. For instance, can you imagine Nature saying, “You know what, I’m getting awfully tired of having to go through these seasons every year—it’s exhausting. I think this year I’ll skip winter and spring and autumn, and just stay in summer for a while,” or “I’m so dizzy from these planets СКАЧАТЬ