And God Created the Au Pair. Pascale Smets

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СКАЧАТЬ definitely have it sorted by the time you come, also roof absolutely watertight now. Dan can pick you up at the airport if you want, just let us know. Love C

      

      From: Louise Corrigan

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      That’s great. Don’t worry about facilities, you know us, we’ll crash anywhere. Re collection, don’t sweat it, hon, we’ll order a car to pick us up. Speak soon x L

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      oh god, oh god, oh god, never felt such a mix of emotions.

      

      Lou & Walt coming to stay & house a total fucking bomb site. Mentioned in a masterstroke of understatement ‘basic facilities’ to Lou but she seemed to gloss over that, don’t think my version of basic & hers quite the same eg she, non-goosedown duvet = basic, me sleeping on Lilo = basic. Lou said & I quote ‘We’ll crash anywhere.’ Have you ever known a couple less likely to ‘crash anywhere’? Last time they stayed (AND we were still living in Islington – the height of luxury compared to here), Walt spent his whole time gargling vinegar to ‘cleanse his sinuses of dust mites’. God knows what he’ll do here – have to send industrial vacuum cleaner up there. Also confidently predicted that central heating would be fixed by the time they visit. On the positive side obv they are excellent company & always full of fantastic stories about NY. Also Lou always gives me all her pristine-looking ‘old’ stuff. Ellie v excited to see Godmother as Godmother does lovely stuff like put handcream on her & read stories with expression unlike real mother who skips pages & never puts handcream on self let alone 5-year-old. Must now go & tackle spare room as although visit a month away will take at least that long to empty it – room actually not ‘spare’ at all but v much needed as giant junk cupboard.

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      You could have sent them to stay in a hotel, you barmy cow, and still have enjoyed their company. Living in a building site gives you a general dispensation from having people to stay. Went to a school-arranged social function this morning (trying to foster community spirit, lacking due to drive-by pickup). It was a breakfast at a fancy golf club which isn’t exactly my thing but don’t want to be a hermit so am making an effort. However, was entirely filled with same uptight gym-trained and manicured mothers from fundraising meeting, just many more of them. Have discovered irony is an unknown concept in this country so think they think I’m mad. Also never have manicures so am scruffy too.

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      Can’t believe alarm bells didn’t ring when you saw the words ‘golf club’. Can’t find anyone to fix central heating, though Albert, who is repainting kitchen at the moment, keeps dropping hints about doing it himself. Dan, who’s usually so easygoing, is absolutely adamant that we must find someone else as Albert has plenty of other things to do & will take forever & if he does it will not have heating for the new millennium. Other danger is of course he’ll get Smelly Gordon to help him. Dan doesn’t care about that – but I do.

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      Well, at least if you don’t fix your heating you’ll have the money to come and visit us.

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      Re: not pregnant

      

      Got my period last night had been slightly hopeful as it was 2 days late, though even considering past success in getting pregnant immediately realise it is probably unrealistic to expect it this time (am v old these days) still can’t help feeling really disappointed. Dan quite sorry too as had got briefly excited about idea of swapping Volvo for an MPV.

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      At least you have a vague idea when yours is due. Since mine is a randomly occurring phenomenon am a bit hopeful every month and invariably persuade myself that my PMT symptoms are signs of early pregnancy. Anyhow I’m even more ancient and unlike you don’t just need to brush against my husband when passing on the stairs in order to get knocked up so am sure you’ll be there way ahead of me.

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      

      Short (and therefore suitable) au pair I interviewed by phone has turned us down as we don’t have any animals and she loves animals. Am soooo pissed off, feel like ringing her back and saying don’t need any bloody animals have 3 children with the table manners of baboons. Have wasted nearly 2 weeks buggering around & now have to start again & there is only one other on list who looks suitable, is short enough & has not expressed an undue interest in animals.

      

      From: Nell Fenton

      To: Charlotte Bailey

      

      People who are that keen on animals are suspect anyhow and probably don’t like children. No doubt she’s a vegetarian too which would be really irritating. Speaking of irritating, Michael has decided we have to change our church AGAIN. Did it twice in England, now has again been listening to the sermons and thus finds things to object to and is insisting we find another church whose priest has views more in accordance with his own. Don’t really care but why can’t he just make shopping lists in his head during the sermon like a normal person?

      

      From: Charlotte Bailey

      To: Nell Fenton

      Re: urgently needed au pair

      

      Spoke to alternative au pair last night, sounds v nice, speaks slightly better English than me & laughed politely at all my jokes (good sign) then asked me if I believe in smacking (good sign? bad sign? can’t decide). Refrained from saying I believe it exists (unlike fairies & Father Christmas) but thought this was too flippant a reply for such an earnest question & would probably confuse her, so simply said ‘nooo?’ in a hopeful way. Correct answer as she then admitted she’d turned down another family as they had said they DID smack. Can’t believe what a bloody minefield interviewing au pairs is & how though we all pretend we’re interviewing THEM, they are quite clearly interviewing US. Anyway felt really annoyed & whole episode has had the СКАЧАТЬ