Your First Grandchild: Useful, touching and hilarious guide for first-time grandparents. Paul Greenwood

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      The Birth

      This is an exciting but often rather disturbing time for grandparents-to-be because usually there is nothing you can do but wait … and wait … and wait. Trying to hide any anxiety, wanting to help without being able to, feeling utterly impotent and slightly apprehensive at the same time is not much fun. Many women report a sense of total inadequacy and seem to share a primitive urge to be at the actual birth, perhaps because in the collective memory birth may often have been an all-female affair, as it is to this day in some communities.

      I was extremely interested to read a book about southeast Asian birth customs, which was written in 1965, a time when birth in the Western world was extremely clinical, men were discouraged to be present, and women were placed on their backs, with their legs in stirrups. In contrast, Asian customs of the time quite closely resembled many of our so-called ‘modern’ birthing practices. This is about the Caticugan people:

       The husband’s presence is essential to perform certain tasks: his absence angers the spirits.

       A woman’s husband may assist the midwife if the delivery is complicated. Some Caticugan women cling to their husbands, who encourage them to exert greater effort during labour.

       Massage is a therapeutic treatment closely associated with the traditional management of pregnancy and delivery in the Philippines.

       During labour massage is often used to hasten a dilatory foetus. The woman may also stand and then squat to facilitate birth.

      South East Asian Birth Customs, Dinn. V. Hart, Phya Anuman

      Rajadhon and Richard J. Coughlin

      Everything comes full circle it seems!

      Birth Partners

      It may still happen that a woman wants her mother present, especially if she is single, but usually – and quite naturally – it is her partner she will choose to help her give birth.

       Heidi: ‘I was terribly hurt when my son said, “Don’t come to the hospital, Mum.” And “We’d rather you weren’t there when we bring the baby home.” It was only later that he told me he had said this because he felt concern that, due to the fact that his mother-in-law had recently died, it would make his wife sad if his mother were too much in evidence. In the event I did get to see my new grandson in hospital, born eight days early, but a fine big baby, and they were happy for me to be at the house, where I had everything clean and ready and a meal cooked, when they brought him home.’

       Marge: ‘My husband went to bed but I stayed up sipping brandy and milk, with my son-in-law ringing me from the hospital in London every so often. It’s a drink I’ve never drunk before or since! I think I needed it because the birth was not easy. I felt helpless and yes, I did wish I could be there, though in a cowardly way I was glad I wasn’t. I wouldn’t have liked to see my daughter suffering. The baby got stuck and she ended up having to have a Caesarean. I was utterly delighted when I heard it was a boy. I hadn’t made up my mind but that’s what I hoped it would be. Why? I like men.’

       Pam: ‘When my first grandchild was born, although it was April, there was such thick snow that I couldn’t get to the hospital to see him. I felt terrible about that. It made me remember that exactly the same thing happened when I had my first child. There was an April blizzard and my mother couldn’t get up from Wales to visit us.’

       Sophie: ‘Although my daughter had no real difficulties, the actual birth was a real trauma for me. I felt awful. I would rather have been having the baby myself, I felt so useless and helpless. I was completely uptight and I had no one to share it with, being on my own.’

       Kay: ‘I was with my daughter during it all and she was fantastic! She never made a sound. Only when the doctor said, “One more push, Sally, one more push.” Then she gave a sort of long squeal, and there was my granddaughter! I had arranged for music to be played: Canon in D by Johann Pachelbel. The nurse loved it so much she wanted to know what it was. She said she would play it for other mothers giving birth because it’s so soothing.’

       Joan: ‘The actual birth was a terrible, horrible time for us. We knew that she had gone into hospital, that she was in labour, but time went on and time went on and there was no word. I kept phoning the hospital but they just told me, “No, there’s no news yet” and were generally very cagey. Eventually we went to bed, but of course I couldn’t sleep. Early in the morning I phoned and they said, “Yes, your daughter has had her baby.” I said, “Is she all right?” and they said she was. I was so relieved it was only afterwards that I realized I had forgotten to ask whether it was a boy or a girl! At last my son-in-law rang to say, “We have a baby daughter. Can you both come to the hospital now – we’re shattered.” We were delighted to go. I had felt so totally helpless that it was a relief to be able to do something. Yes, I would have loved to have been with my daughter but I felt it was not my place.’ СКАЧАТЬ