The Rules 2: More Rules to Live and Love By. Ellen Fein

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СКАЧАТЬ for them to put on the charm, knowing that it gives some of their female patients/clients high school girl crushes. But it’s all quite harmless, so don’t take it seriously unless he asks you on a date.

      We’re not saying that you can’t daydream about your sexy doctor or look forward to quarterly meetings with your handsome financial planner. Being a Rules girl doesn’t mean you can’t have obsessions, it means you don’t act on them.

      The danger lies in thinking there’s a relationship there, and not being open to real relationships. Women who are absorbed in fantasy relationships usually don’t have real ones!

      Ask yourself, are you doing everything to meet men or are you living for the day when your dream lover asks you out? You’re less likely to place a personal ad, sign up with a dating service, or take that singles ski trip if you believe you’re in a relationship.

      Remember, Rules girls know they’re either dating a man or not. There’s nothing in between.

      So if you thought your broker or lawyer was interested in you, but after reading this chapter realize he may like you but not romantically, try to accept the truth instead of fighting it. Your first impulse may be to clear the air, be open and honest—ask him if he has feelings for you but isn’t acting on them because of your professional relationship. You might want to write him a note or, worse, a long letter explaining how you feel.

      Don’t. First, that’s not The Rules. He must initiate any such talk. Second, nothing good will come of it. If you talk to him and he tells you that you misread his politeness and that he’s just as nice to every other client/patient, you’ll feel foolish and hurt—not to mention embarrassed about seeing him again professionally.

      If, on the other hand, he tells you he is attracted to you, but has decided not to pursue the relationship because he’s involved with someone else or more interested in you as a client/patient than a lover, you’re not much better off. You have the ego satisfaction of knowing that he’s attracted to you, but so what? You still don’t have a Saturday night date, much less a relationship. And it’s a hollow victory anyway because if he was really crazy about you—and why would a Rules girl settle for anything less?—he would rather date you than just have a professional relationship with you.

      So if you can’t tell him how you feel, what can you do?

      The Rules. Look your best whenever you see him, end all phone calls/meetings first, show no interest in him personally, don’t send him holiday cards (if you mistakenly thought that would make him think about you in a different light) or invite him to your New Year’s party to pave the way from a professional relationship to a social one. Don’t buy him a tie for Christmas or bake him cookies for the holidays. Gifts don’t make men think about women or ask them out. Try to treat him as you would an elderly or unattractive man—not the handsome hunk you think he is!—someone you wouldn’t think twice about, much less bake brownies for!

      Doing The Rules won’t make him ask you out if he was never going to, but it will keep you from wasting time baking cookies and writing notes to men who aren’t interested in you. You’ll have more self-esteem.

      Of course, the best thing you can do is try to meet other men, men who do ask you out. Nothing replaces a fantasy relationship better than a Rules one! So move on!

Chapter 5

       Don’t Stand by His Desk and Other Rules for the Office Romance

      The office is one of the trickiest places to follow The Rules because if you are dating someone at work, your professional life and your love life may overlap to some extent. Therefore, you must do The Rules strictly so you don’t place your job or your relationship (or both) in jeopardy.

      Of course, the first rule is to figure out whether or not you are actually in an office romance. A lot of men like to flirt with women at the office. They don’t think twice about it, it means nothing to them and it should mean nothing to you! (See Chapter 4: “Don’t Waste Time on Fantasy Relationships.”)

      If you have a crush on someone in your office—a coworker, employee, or your boss—and he’s never asked you out, don’t try to get his attention. Some dating books have suggested you drink from the water cooler near his office or use the copier closest to his desk or even ask him out to lunch to discuss business. The Rules say, do your job and look your best. Don’t look for excuses to talk to him or walk by his desk. (You shouldn’t have to do any of these things to make him notice you. He either notices you or he doesn’t!)

      Don’t tell yourself that he would have asked you out if you didn’t work for the same company. There are enough office romances out there to refute that theory. As we have stated, if it is not a company code, bosses have no problem dating employees and even their own secretaries if they want to. On the other hand, don’t count on working for the same company to be the spark that will unite you. Don’t stay at the company hoping that one day he will notice you and ask you out. We know women who waited in vain for years for that to happen. Rules girls don’t hold themselves back for a fantasy relationship.

      Now assuming you are dating a coworker or even your boss, how should you act? Below are fourteen rules for office dating. Do them to the letter because you might have to see this man on a daily basis. There’s nothing worse than having to work with a man you dread seeing or who dreads seeing you everyday because you broke rules—or working with him after he drops you! These rules are not just good for the relationship, but for your company and your career. You’ll be a better worker if you’re not figuring out ways to be with him all day!

      1. Do not go to work everyday, motivated by the prospect of seeing him or spending time with him, or you might act out on your feelings. Go to work thinking, how can I work hard today and contribute to my company—or at the very least, how can I not break The Rules. Try to be busy, as opposed to day-dreaming at your desk or, worse, finding reasons to talk to him or see him. (When the urge to stop by his office hits you, begin a new project or stop by a friend’s desk to say hello.) If he stops by your desk, be nice, but end the conversation after five or ten minutes unless it’s business-related. Just pick up the papers on your desk and say, “I’d better get back to work!”

      2. Work hard, but don’t be such a tireless worker that you don’t care about your appearance. Don’t spend so much time at the office that you have no time for such mundane tasks as taking your clothes to the dry cleaner or getting a manicure. We know women who are smart and attractive, but you can’t help but notice the coffee stains on their blazers, their scruffy shoes, and untweezed eyebrows. Don’t be like that. You’re a Rules girl! Make sure you’re wearing fashionable suits and shoes—you want to look as good as you can! Don’t wear pantyhose with runs in them—keep extra pairs in your desk drawer in case they rip at work. Shine your shoes. Wear makeup and perfume, but not too much. (It’s an office, not a disco!) Remember, you’re a creature unlike any other and you care about your looks. Do all of this for yourself, but also because you could run into him or someone else at the office.

      3. Do not agree to see him on a moment’s notice just because you work together. If he stops by your desk and casually asks you to have lunch with him that day or to have drinks after work that evening, say you’d love to, but can’t. Even if you are free for lunch or drinks, don’t see him on short notice. He should be asking you out in advance for the weekend.

       If you see him on a whim, СКАЧАТЬ