The Rules 2: More Rules to Live and Love By. Ellen Fein

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ him for dinner and he never calls again, he may not have felt a strong enough spark. Maybe he thought about it, but never got around to picking up the phone. Men can be that way. Maybe he’s involved with someone else, but didn’t tell you and met you for old time’s sake.

      We know of several women who contacted old boyfriends for various reasons—to make amends for the past, to discuss a business problem, or to try to start over. In each case, these men met them for drinks, said they had a great time and hoped they could stay good friends, and then never called again.

      We can only say that if this happens to you, you must try to accept that it’s over for him and move on.

      Now what if this man happens to be your ex-husband and you’ve decided you want him back?

      Again, it depends. If he initiated the divorce, you can make “One Call for Closure” and then follow the plan (outlined above) for getting back an ex-boyfriend. But don’t start making room in your closet. When a man initiates a divorce, he’s usually gone! It’s over and out.

      However, if you initiated the divorce but are now sorry and miss him, there is hope, especially if you are still in contact with your ex and sense that he would be open to a reconciliation—maybe you have kids together and he lingers a while when he comes by on weekends to pick them up or just seems to find reasons to call you, to be friends, to be in your life. But you’re wondering, how do you go about telling him you want him back without making a fool of yourself or risking rejection?

      We suggest you simply weave the following question into a friendly conversation the next time you see him or he calls: “Have you ever had second thoughts about our divorce?”That’s it. Don’t say another word. Don’t get sentimental and weepy and pour your heart out. He must take it from there, give you some indication that he would also like a reconciliation, whether it be then or at some point in the future when he’s had a chance to sort it out. Whatever you do, don’t rush him. Let him proceed at his own pace. He may suggest having dinner or drinks to talk things over, but these must be his overtures. You’ve done your part. Now it’s up to him.

      We’ve outlined our suggestions for getting back an ex. But don’t be too upset if your old boyfriend or ex-husband just won’t come back. Remember, there was a reason the relationship didn’t work out before, so don’t romanticize it. Also, comfort yourself with the knowledge that it’s usually easier to do The Rules on a new man than an ex.

      Sometimes trying to rekindle an old flame works, but frequently the best advice we can give a woman who thinks she’s still in love with her ex is Next!

Chapter 4

       Don’t Waste Time on Fantasy Relationships

      If you have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer, or accountant, you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. You’re not alone, but you may not be seeing the situation for what it is. How can you know for sure? It’s simple. Has he ever asked you out? Has he ever suggested having a drink, coffee, lunch, or dinner? If the answer is no, then he’s not!

      This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised how many women tell themselves it’s romance when a man pays them the slightest attention out of professional courtesy. We wrote this chapter to smash any delusions you might have about a fantasy relationship of your own. Unless he asks to spend time with you in a nonprofessional capacity, a relationship beyond business does not exist—and Rules girls don’t waste their time on nonexistent relationships!

      The fact is, when a man is interested in a woman—including a female patient or client, employer or employee—he finds some way to ask her out. He may invite her to work out at his gym, attend a fund-raiser with him, or to play tennis over the weekend. He may not necessarily ask her out for a Saturday night date since that might be too obvious, or awkward, or forward, but he’ll figure out some way to see her outside of the office. This behavior is different from the professional courtesy of a physician or financial advisor, who might say, “Call me anytime,” which women mistakenly interpret as romantic interest.

      Let’s examine three fantasy relationships and The Rules’s answers to remove any doubt you might have about a similar situation in your life.

      Fantasy Relationship #1: Your internist of two years told you “beep me anytime” if your asthma acts up. He once told you to call him by his first name. He puts his arm around your shoulders when he escorts you out of his office. You just know he would ask you out if you weren’t his patient. And, naturally, you want to have a “talk” with him or ask him out!

      The Rules answer: If a doctor is friendly, affectionate, concerned, and kind, then he’s doing his job. It’s not a come-on for a doctor to tell a patient to beep him or call the office “day or night” if his patient has asthma—people can die of asthma, and it’s his job to make sure his patients stay alive and well. Some doctors are informal (it’s okay to call them by their first name) and others are touchy-feely (they kiss all their patients hello and goodbye). It’s just good bedside manners—and good business—for a doctor to show warmth and caring. If he were romantically interested in you and uncomfortable about dating a patient, he would refer you to his associate and then ask you out.

      Sure, it’s a little more complicated for a doctor, lawyer, or CEO to pursue a patient, client, or associate. But it’s not impossible. We’ve heard about bosses who’ve dated and even married their employees, even though it was frowned upon by the company. At first they kept the relationship a secret and then they voluntarily decided he or she would transfer to another division or another company so they could date freely.

      Fantasy Relationship #2: Your accountant called you over the weekend to remind you to send in your tax forms before April 15. You think because he called you on Saturday at home instead of during the week at work there might be something there.

      The Rules answer: Accountants work on the weekends, especially during the busy tax season. The lines between work and home, during-the-week, and weekends can be very blurry in business. Unless he suggested brunch, don’t read into it.

      Fantasy Relationship #3: You think the waiter at the restaurant you go to twice a week likes you because he always remembers how you like your eggs and that you take your coffee light with two sugars. You think he’s more attentive to you than other customers—refills your coffee before you ask—and always makes conversation with you. You want to let him know you’re not seeing anyone seriously and would go out with him if he asked. The problem is, he hasn’t. What to do?

      The Rules answer: Waiters are in the service business. It’s normal for a waiter to remember a regular customer’s preferences. He works for tips so it’s in his interest to be friendly, make conversation, get your order right. If he liked you beyond this, however, he would suggest having drinks one night.

      The point bears repeating: When a man is really interested in a woman, he figures out some way to ask her out.

      Don’t be insulted. We’re not suggesting. that your doctor, broker, or accountant isn’t fond of you, just that it’s not a Rules relationship until he asks you out.

      Also keep in mind that many men, including professionals, like to flirt with women. Looking at lab results, contracts, and financial statements all day can get pretty boring, so it’s fun for them to make small talk, СКАЧАТЬ