Anecdotes. Humor from Russia. Михаил Курсеев
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Название: Anecdotes. Humor from Russia
Автор: Михаил Курсеев
Издательство: Издательские решения
Жанр: Юмор: прочее
isbn: 9785449306487
isbn:
***
A married couple comes to a store/
The wife says:
– Give me 10 kilos of red offals.
The surprised butcher asked:
– Why do you want so much?
The wife:
– It’s for the dog!
The husband:
– But we don’t have a dog.
The wife:
– Don’t yap!
***
Human brain is a unique device. It functions non-stop the whole day. Until you switch on TV set.
***
A young lady drove in her car to a repair shop.
A mechanic opens the moto hood and sees a message inside:
– She cannot handle the stick. I won’t pay for repairs. Her husband.
The mechanic closes the bonnet and says:
– Sorry, we cannot help you anyhow.
The surprised lady reacted:
– Very strange, but this is the seventh shop with no skilled technician….
***
A young Jew comes to a firm about to go bankrupt and applies for a job. He doesn’t ask for any salary and is ready to work for the moderate sale fee. The firm has nothing to lose and they employed him. In a week the firm’s proceeds from sales increased in dozens times. The CEO comes personally to see how the new employee works and sees the following:
– You need a hooklet… (the employee says to the client). And do you have an angling line?
– No.
– Then take this, it’s thicker… and do you prefer fishing rod or spinning reel?
– Fishing rod.
– Then take this, it’s the best one. But with this it’s better to angle from a boat. Do you have one?
– No.
– Now, I recommend this two-seat rubber boat.
– Good.
– Heigh, how you will carry all that, you need a good car trailer, multi-purpose, will this do?
– It will.
– What car will you fix it to?
– Mercedes 600.
– Come on, it’s not a car to go angling, you need a jeep, off-roader with full speed across country… and we have Land Cruiser, will you take it?
– I will.
– Your bill comes to USD 62,000, please, pay at the desk.
The boss comes close to him.
– That’s a good boy. Wow, starting with the hooklet you upsell the fisher that way!
– Actually, he came to buy pads for his wife. But I told him that if his wife has a period, there is no use sitting home for three days.
***
A mental physician at the asylum decided to follow up his work. He got three nutters together and asked the first one:
– Tell me, buddy, what do 1 +1 make?
– One thousand….
– Nuff said! Three months’ work down the plughole.
Then he asks the second of the same:
– May be you know what is 1 +1?
– A brick…
– Now we know with you too. He refers to the third person
– Now, what would you say?
– 2…
– Say that again?
– 2…
– Attaboy! Good for you! Tell me, how did you make it?
– Doc, it’s very simple. I divided one thousand by a brick.
***
– Mom, are you an Indian?
– What’s that, sonnie?
– Why the sculp lies on your bedside table?
***
A surgeon tells to an inmate who awaked after general anesthesia:
– The operation was effective, you shouldn’t have cried and boiled over so.
– But what have I got to do? Doc, I’ve come to the hospital to do the windows.
***
– Dear, I have a naughty dream of you.
– And what I’ve been up to with you?
– You came and screwed everything up.
***
A small boy comes to music class, opens the violin case, and wow… there is a machine gun!
A teacher got a shock:
– What does it all mean?
The boy drew a sigh:
– Only that my father went to a bank with the violin.
***
Odessa, a Jew meets a friend and tells him:
– I decided to make the birthday gift to my Sarah. I will present her with an opera!
– She seemed to dream of Mercedes.
– Well, where, on Earth, I can find a fake Mercedes?
***
A Russian СКАЧАТЬ