Manners and Rules of Good Society; or, Solecisms to be Avoided. Anonymous

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СКАЧАТЬ to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper.

      In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without offending any in their several circles.

      With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject to wide exceptions.

      It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other, unless some special reason exists for so doing—some reason that would commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined.

      When Introductions are made between Ladies, an unmarried lady should be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed.

      The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank. "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person making the introduction should take into consideration.

      When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each other, and either lady should make a slight remark.

      It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this rule.

      When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her part.

      When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only.

      The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate friends of an engaged couple; as also should the relations of the two families on being introduced to each other.

      It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands, in every case, when a gentleman is introduced to her.

      A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own house—that is to say, whether the person is brought by a mutual friend, or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend.

      At Dinner-parties, both small and large, the hostess should use her own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make. It is not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party; but in sending guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, the host or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take down to dinner. It would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's permission before doing so. It would be sufficient to make the introduction a few moments before dinner was announced, and the usual formula is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A bow is the recognition of this introduction.

      When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other, a host or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each other, when time allows of its being done before dinner is served; such introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town dinner-parties.

      A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to each other in the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers, and she considers it advisable to do so.

      As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the dining-room after dinner, as they address each other as a matter of course on such occasions.

      A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other, at five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," etc.—that is to say, gentlemen to ladies—for the purpose of their taking the ladies to the tea-room. In this case also, the introduction should be made without previously consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of the introduction, should at once proffer the expected civility.

      At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any general introductions she thinks proper to make, and should introduce any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her.

      When introducing ladies to each other, she should give married ladies, and ladies of rank, the option of the introduction; but should introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper.

      When Callers arrive simultaneously, the hostess should introduce them directly or indirectly to each other, if there is no social reason to the contrary.

      When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the introduction is not altogether a suitable one, agreeable to both persons, she should not make it, but converse with each visitor in turn, at the same time not allowing the conversation to become too general.

      At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each other's acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance without coming into direct contact with one another, providing the host and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to effect a rapprochement between them.

      At Country-house Parties, the hostess should introduce the principal ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival; but if it is a large party, introductions should not be generally made, but should be made according to the judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and it rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship ripens into subsequent intimacy or not.

      The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and "at homes." The guests converse with each other if inclined to do so. The act of so conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might, under some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship, especially between gentlemen.

      Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, unless there were some particular social link between them to warrant their so doing, in which case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative.

      Introductions at Public Balls.—It is erroneous to suppose that it is the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls; it is the exception, and not the rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each other who are strangers to themselves.

      Society objects, and the stewards object, to making promiscuous introductions, on the following grounds: first, as regards the chaperon, whether mother or relative, who has the charge of a young lady; then as regards a young lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the position occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally СКАЧАТЬ