The Keith Laumer MEGAPACK®: 21 Classic Stories. Keith Laumer

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СКАЧАТЬ expanding dust cloud used to be the satellite of Groac, Shluh,” he said. “Looks like something happened to it.”

      The police chief stared at the picture.

      “Too bad,” Retief said. “But then it wasn’t of any importance, was it, Shluh?”

      Shluh muttered incomprehensibly.

      “Just a bare hunk of iron, Shluh. That’s what the foreign office told me when I asked for information.”

      “I wish you’d keep your prisoner out of sight,” the captain said. “I have a hard time keeping my hands off him.”

      “Shluh wants to help, Captain. He’s been a bad boy and I have a feeling he’d like to cooperate with us now. Especially in view of the imminent arrival of a Terrestrial ship, and the dust cloud out there.”

      “What do you mean?”

      “Captain, you can ride it out for another week, contact the ship when it arrives, get a tow in and your troubles are over. When your films are shown in the proper quarter, a task force will come out here. They’ll reduce Groac to a sub-technical cultural level, and set up a monitor system to insure she doesn’t get any more expansionist ideas. Not that she can do much now, with her handy iron mine in the sky gone.”

      “That’s right; and—”

      “On the other hand,” Retief said, “there’s what I might call the diplomatic approach….”

      He explained at length. The captain looked at him thoughtfully.

      “I’ll go along,” he said. “What about this fellow?”

      Retief turned to Shluh. The Groacian shuddered, eye stalks retracted.

      “I will do it,” he said faintly.

      “Right,” Retief said. “Captain, if you’ll have your men bring in the transmitter from the shuttle, I’ll place a call to a fellow named Fith at the foreign office.” He turned to Shluh. “And when I get him, Shluh, you’ll do everything exactly as I’ve told you—or have terrestrial monitors dictating in Groac City.”

      * * * *

      “Quite candidly, Retief,” Counsellor Pardy said, “I’m rather nonplussed. Mr. Fith of the foreign office seemed almost painfully lavish in your praise. He seems most eager to please you. In the light of some of the evidence I’ve turned up of highly irregular behavior on your part, it’s difficult to understand.”

      “Fith and I have been through a lot together,” Retief said. “We understand each other.”

      “You have no cause for complacency, Retief,” Pardy said. “Miss Meuhl was quite justified in reporting your case. Of course, had she known that you were assisting Mr. Fith in his marvelous work, she would have modified her report somewhat, no doubt. You should have confided in her.”

      “Fith wanted to keep it secret, in case it didn’t work out,” Retief said. “You know how it is.”

      “Of course. And as soon as Miss Meuhl recovers from her nervous breakdown, there’ll be a nice promotion awaiting her. The girl more than deserves it for her years of unswerving devotion to Corps policy.”

      “Unswerving,” Retief said. “I’ll sure go along with that.”

      “As well you may, Retief. You’ve not acquitted yourself well in this assignment. I’m arranging for a transfer. You’ve alienated too many of the local people….”

      “But as you said, Fith speaks highly of me….”

      “Oh, true. It’s the cultural intelligentsia I’m referring to. Miss Meuhl’s records show that you deliberately affronted a number of influential groups by boycotting—”

      “Tone deaf,” Retief said. “To me a Groacian blowing a nose-whistle sounds like a Groacian blowing a nose-whistle.”

      “You have to come to terms with local aesthetic values,” Pardy explained. “Learn to know the people as they really are. It’s apparent from some of the remarks Miss Meuhl quoted in her report that you held the Groaci in rather low esteem. But how wrong you were! All the while, they were working unceasingly to rescue those brave lads marooned aboard our cruiser. They pressed on even after we ourselves had abandoned the search. And when they discovered that it had been a collision with their satellite which disabled the craft, they made that magnificent gesture—unprecedented. One hundred thousand credits in gold to each crew member, as a token of Groacian sympathy.”

      “A handsome gesture,” Retief murmured.

      * * * *

      “I hope, Retief, that you’ve learned from this incident. In view of the helpful part you played in advising Mr. Fith in matters of procedure to assist in his search, I’m not recommending a reduction in grade. We’ll overlook the affair, give you a clean slate. But in future, I’ll be watching you closely.”

      “You can’t win ’em all,” Retief said.

      “You’d better pack up. You’ll be coming along with us in the morning.” Pardy shuffled his papers together.

      “I’m sorry,” he said, “that I can’t file a more flattering report on you. I would have liked to recommend your promotion, along with Miss Meuhl’s.”

      “That’s okay,” Retief said. “I have my memories.”

RETIEF OF THE RED-TAPE MOUNTAIN

      Originally published in Worlds of If Science Fiction, May 1962.

      “It’s true,” Consul Passwyn said, “I requested assignment as principal officer at a small post. But I had in mind one of those charming resort worlds, with only an occasional visa problem, or perhaps a distressed spaceman or two a year. Instead, I’m zoo-keeper to these confounded settlers. And not for one world, mind you, but eight!” He stared glumly at Vice-Consul Retief.

      “Still,” Retief said, “it gives an opportunity to travel—”

      “Travel!” the consul barked. “I hate travel. Here in this backwater system particularly—” He paused, blinked at Retief and cleared his throat. “Not that a bit of travel isn’t an excellent thing for a junior officer. Marvelous experience.”

      He turned to the wall-screen and pressed a button. A system triagram appeared: eight luminous green dots arranged around a larger disk representing the primary. He picked up a pointer, indicating the innermost planet.

      “The situation on Adobe is nearing crisis. The confounded settlers—a mere handful of them—have managed, as usual, to stir up trouble with an intelligent indigenous life form, the Jaq. I can’t think why they bother, merely for a few oases among the endless deserts. However I have, at last, received authorization from Sector Headquarters to take certain action.” He swung back to face Retief. “I’m sending you in to handle the situation, Retief—under sealed orders.” He picked up a fat buff envelope. “A pity they didn’t see fit to order the Terrestrial settlers out weeks ago, as I suggested. Now it is too late. I’m expected to produce a miracle—a rapprochement between Terrestrial and Adoban and СКАЧАТЬ