The Keith Laumer MEGAPACK®: 21 Classic Stories. Keith Laumer

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СКАЧАТЬ watched, listening to the whispers around him. The Yill at the table were craning now to watch. The soup ladler was ladling rapidly, rolling his eyes sideways. He came to Retief, reached out with the full ladle for the bowl.

      “No,” Retief said.

      The ladler hesitated.

      “None for me,” Retief said.

      The interpreter came up and motioned to the servant, who reached again, ladle brimming.

      “I…DON’T…LIKE…IT!” Retief said, his voice distinct in the sudden hush. He stared at the interpreter, who stared back, then waved the servant away.

      ”Mr. Retief!” a voice hissed.

      Retief looked down at the table. The ambassador was leaning forward, glaring at him, his face a mottled crimson.

      “I’m warning you, Mr. Retief,” he said hoarsely. “I’ve eaten sheep’s eyes in the Sudan, ka swe in Burma, hundred-year cug on Mars and everything else that has been placed before me in the course of my diplomatic career. And, by the holy relics of Saint Ignatz, you’ll do the same!” He snatched up a spoon-like utensil and dipped it into his bowl.

      “Don’t eat that, Mr. Ambassador,” Retief said.

      The ambassador stared, eyes wide. He opened his mouth, guided the spoon toward it——

      Retief stood, gripped the table under its edge and heaved. The immense wooden slab rose and tilted, dishes sliding. It crashed to the floor with a ponderous slam.

      Whitish soup splattered across the terrazzo. A couple of odd bowls rolled across the room. Cries rang out from the Yill, mingling with a strangled yell from Ambassador Spradley.

      Retief walked past the wild-eyed members of the mission to the sputtering chief. “Mr. Ambassador,” he said. “I’d like——”

      “You’d like! I’ll break you, you young hoodlum! Do you realize——”

      “Pleass….” The interpreter stood at Retief’s side.

      “My apologies,” Ambassador Spradley said, mopping his forehead. “My profound apologies.”

      “Be quiet,” Retief said.

      “Wha—what?”

      “Don’t apologize,” Retief said. P’Toi was beckoning.

      “Pleasse, arll come.”

      Retief turned and followed him.

      The portion of the table they were ushered to was covered with an embroidered white cloth, set with thin porcelain dishes. The Yill already seated there rose, amid babbling, and moved down the table. The black-clad Yill at the end table closed ranks to fill the vacant seats. Retief sat down and found Magnan at his side.

      “What’s going on here?” the second secretary said angrily.

      “They were giving us dog food,” Retief said. “I overheard a Yill. They seated us at the bottom of the servants’ table——”

      “You mean you know their language?”

      “I learned it on the way out. Enough, at least.”

      The music burst out with a clangorous fanfare, and a throng of jugglers, dancers and acrobats poured into the center of the hollow square, frantically juggling, dancing and back-flipping. Black-clad servants swarmed suddenly, heaping mounds of fragrant food on the plates of Yill and Terrestrials alike, pouring a pale purple liquor into slender glasses. Retief sampled the Yill food. It was delicious.

      Conversation was impossible in the din. He watched the gaudy display and ate heartily.

      III

      Retief leaned back, grateful for the lull in the music. The last of the dishes were whisked away, and more glasses filled. The exhausted entertainers stopped to pick up the thick square coins the diners threw.

      Retief sighed. It had been a rare feast.

      “Retief,” Magnan said in the comparative quiet, “what were you saying about dog food as the music came up?”

      Retief looked at him. “Haven’t you noticed the pattern, Mr. Magnan? The series of deliberate affronts?”

      “Deliberate affronts! Just a minute, Retief. They’re uncouth, yes, crowding into doorways and that sort of thing….” He looked at Retief uncertainly.

      “They herded us into a baggage warehouse at the terminal. Then they hauled us here in a garbage truck——”

      “Garbage truck!”

      “Only symbolic, of course. They ushered us in the tradesman’s entrance, and assigned us cubicles in the servants’ wing. Then we were seated with the coolie class sweepers at the bottom of the table.”

      “You must be…. I mean, we’re the Terrestrial delegation! Surely these Yill must realize our power.”

      “Precisely, Mr. Magnan. But——”

      With a clang of cymbals the musicians launched a renewed assault. Six tall, helmeted Yill sprang into the center of the floor and paired off in a wild performance, half dance, half combat. Magnan pulled at Retief’s arm, his mouth moving.

      Retief shook his head. No one could talk against a Yill orchestra in full cry. He sampled a bright red wine and watched the show.

      There was a flurry of action, and two of the dancers stumbled and collapsed, their partner-opponents whirling away to pair off again, describe the elaborate pre-combat ritual, and abruptly set to, dulled sabres clashing—and two more Yill were down, stunned. It was a violent dance.

      Retief watched, the drink forgotten.

      The last two Yill approached and retreated, whirled, bobbed and spun, feinted and postured—and on the instant, clashed, straining chest-to-chest—then broke apart, heavy weapons chopping, parrying, as the music mounted to a frenzy.

      Evenly matched, the two hacked, thrust, blow for blow, across the floor, then back, defense forgotten, slugging it out.

      And then one was slipping, going down, helmet awry. The other, a giant, muscular Yill, spun away, whirled in a mad skirl of pipes as coins showered—then froze before a gaudy table, raised the sabre and slammed it down in a resounding blow across the gay cloth before a lace and bow-bedecked Yill in the same instant that the music stopped.

      In utter silence the dancer-fighter stared across the table at the seated Yill.

      With a shout, the Yill leaped up, raised a clenched fist. The dancer bowed his head, spread his hands on his helmet.

      Retief took a deep gulp of a pale yellow liqueur and leaned forward to watch. The beribboned Yill waved a hand negligently, spilled a handful of coins across the table and sat down.

      The challenger spun away in a screeching shrill of music. Retief caught his eye for an instant as he passed.

      And СКАЧАТЬ