The Keith Laumer MEGAPACK®: 21 Classic Stories. Keith Laumer

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СКАЧАТЬ to see out through the single dusty window. They seemed to be in a wide street lined with low buildings.

      They passed through a massive gate, up a ramp, and stopped. The door opened. Retief looked out at a blank gray facade, broken by tiny windows at irregular intervals. A scarlet vehicle was drawn up ahead, the Yill reception committee emerging from it. Through its wide windows Retief saw rich upholstery and caught a glimpse of glasses clamped to a tiny bar.

      P’Toi, the Yill interpreter, came forward, gestured to a small door. Magnan opened it, waiting for the ambassador.

      As he stepped to it, a Yill thrust himself ahead and hesitated. Ambassador Spradley drew himself up, glaring. Then he twisted his mouth into a frozen smile and stepped aside.

      The Yill looked at each other then filed through the door.

      Retief was the last to enter. As he stepped inside, a black-clad servant slipped past him, pulled the lid from a large box by the door and dropped in a paper tray heaped with refuse. There were alien symbols in flaking paint on the box. They seemed, Retief noticed, to spell “egg nog.”

      II

      The shrill pipes and whining reeds had been warming up for an hour when Retief emerged from his cubicle and descended the stairs to the banquet hall.

      Standing by the open doors, he lit a slender cigar and watched through narrowed eyes as obsequious servants in black flitted along the low wide corridor, carrying laden trays into the broad room, arranging settings on a great four-sided table forming a hollow square that almost filled the room. Rich brocades were spread across the center of the side nearest the door, flanked by heavily decorated white cloths. Beyond, plain white extended to the far side, where metal dishes were arranged on the bare table top.

      A richly dressed Yill approached, stepped aside to allow a servant to pass and entered the room.

      Retief turned at the sound of Terran voices behind him. The ambassador came up, trailed by two diplomats. He glanced at Retief, adjusted his ruff and looked into the banquet hall.

      ”Apparently we’re to be kept waiting again,” he muttered. “After having been informed at the outset that the Yill have no intention of yielding an inch, one almost wonders….”

      “Mr. Ambassador,” Retief said. “Have you noticed——”

      “However,” Ambassador Spradley said, eyeing Retief, “a seasoned diplomatist must take these little snubs in stride. In the end—— Ah, there, Magnan.” He turned away, talking.

      Somewhere a gong clanged.

      In a moment, the corridor was filled with chattering Yill who moved past the group of Terrestrials into the banquet hall. P’Toi, the Yill interpreter, came up and raised a hand.

      “Waitt heere….”

      More Yill filed into the dining room to take their places. A pair of helmeted guards approached, waving the Terrestrials back. An immense gray-jowled Yill waddled to the doors and passed through, followed by more guards.

      “The Chief of State,” Retief heard Magnan say. “The Admirable F’Kau-Kau-Kau.”

      “I have yet to present my credentials,” Ambassador Spradley said. “One expects some latitude in the observances of protocol, but I confess….” He wagged his head.

      The Yill interpreter spoke up.

      “You now whill lhie on yourr intesstinss, and creep to fesstive board there.” He pointed across the room.

      “Intestines?” Ambassador Spradley looked about wildly.

      “Mr. P’Toi means our stomachs, I wouldn’t wonder,” Magnan said. “He just wants us to lie down and crawl to our seats, Mr. Ambassador.”

      “What the devil are you grinning at, you idiot?” the ambassador snapped.

      * * * *

      Magnan’s face fell.

      Spradley glanced down at the medals across his paunch.

      “This is…. I’ve never….”

      “Homage to godss,” the interpreter said.

      “Oh. Oh, religion,” someone said.

      “Well, if it’s a matter of religious beliefs….” The ambassador looked dubiously around.

      “Golly, it’s only a couple of hundred feet,” Magnan offered.

      Retief stepped up to P’Toi.

      “His Excellency the Terrestrial Ambassador will not crawl,” he said clearly.

      “Here, young man! I said nothing——”

      “Not to crawl?” The interpreter wore an unreadable Yill expression.

      “It is against our religion,” Retief said.

      “Againsst?”

      “We are votaries of the Snake Goddess,” Retief said. “It is a sacrilege to crawl.” He brushed past the interpreter and marched toward the distant table.

      The others followed.

      Puffing, the ambassador came to Retief’s side as they approached the dozen empty stools on the far side of the square opposite the brocaded position of the Admirable F’Kau-Kau-Kau.

      “Mr. Retief, kindly see me after this affair,” he hissed. “In the meantime, I hope you will restrain any further rash impulses. Let me remind you I am chief of mission here.”

      Magnan came up from behind.

      “Let me add my congratulations, Retief,” he said. “That was fast thinking——”

      “Are you out of your mind, Magnan?” the ambassador barked. “I am extremely displeased!”

      “Why,” Magnan stuttered, “I was speaking sarcastically, of course, Mr. Ambassador. Didn’t you notice the kind of shocked little gasp I gave when he did it?”

      The Terrestrials took their places, Retief at the end. The table before them was of bare green wood, with an array of shallow pewter dishes.

      Some of the Yill at the table were in plain gray, others in black. All eyed them silently. There was a constant stir among them as one or another rose and disappeared and others sat down. The pipes and reeds were shrilling furiously, and the susurration of Yillian conversation from the other tables rose ever higher in competition.

      A tall Yill in black was at the ambassador’s side now. The nearby Yill fell silent as he began ladling a whitish soup into the largest of the bowls before the Terrestrial envoy. The interpreter hovered, watching.

      “That’s quite enough,” Ambassador Spradley said, as the bowl overflowed. The Yill servant rolled his eyes, dribbled more of the soup into the bowl.

      “Kindly serve the other members of my staff,” the ambassador said. The interpreter said something СКАЧАТЬ