The Bad Things: A gripping crime thriller full of twists and turns. Mary-Jane Riley

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ had to give him some hope.

      He opened one eye, reached out for her, pulled her down into his arms. ‘Honey, I know how you feel, but…’

      No, he didn’t know how she felt, not really. He couldn’t know the way her mouth went dry and her heart beat hard and fast whenever she thought about becoming pregnant, giving birth, having to look after another person who would totally depend on her. The emotional attachment scared her; the knowledge that, at some point, the child would leave and tear her heart out. Or worse, something – anything – could happen to him or her that would not only tear her heart out but stamp on it and throw it away. She knew it could happen. She’d seen it before.

      ‘Can’t we just adopt?’ Even as she said the words, she knew she didn’t mean them, and she knew what his answer would be.

      ‘Surely we ought to find out first if there’s any reason why we can’t have our own?’ His voice was gentle, and she felt hot tears gather at the back of her throat.

      ‘Maybe it is all down to me. Maybe I’ll never be able to conceive. Maybe I’m too old.’ Or maybe she should just stop taking the pill.

      ‘No, you’re not. And if it doesn’t happen soon, there is so much we can do. I just think it’s a good idea to be checked.’

      ‘Aren’t we happy as we are?’ she asked, guilt heavy on her shoulders.

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Aren’t I enough for you?’

      ‘Darling, it’s not about that.’

      ‘I know,’ she said into his neck. ‘I know.’

      He had gone by the time she woke in the morning – he often went for an early morning run, summer or winter, when he needed to clear his head, to give himself some thinking time.

      As soon as she could, Kate rang the doctor’s surgery.

      Which was why she was now sitting on a plastic chair, flicking through a magazine without seeing any words, and wishing she was at the station, drinking filthy coffee out of a flimsy cup and enjoying the banter between colleagues.

      The buzzer sounded and Kate saw her name on the electronic noticeboard. She got up, and the woman with the baby gave her an encouraging smile.

      She was nervous because she knew she was going to have to say something to the doctor, but she hadn’t worked out what yet.

      She knocked on the door and went in.

      The young woman GP, the appropriately named Dr Bones, looked up from her screen and smiled. ‘Take a seat, Kate. What can I do for you today?’

      Kate sat and blinked. What was she supposed to say?

      ‘Kate?’

      She cleared her throat. ‘The thing is Doctor…’ She thought of Chris and his kind face, the hands that worked so hard for her, the fact that he didn’t ask anything of her, just this one thing. ‘My husband wants a baby.’ She stopped, feeling helpless.

      ‘And?’ Doctor Bones prompted her gently, her head cocked to one side.

      ‘And I’m not sure I can.’

      The doctor nodded. ‘Okay. So you’re…what —?’ She looked at her computer screen, ‘Thirty-eight and on the pill. No reason why you shouldn’t get pregnant, you know. A lot of women are having children later these days—’

      ‘It’s not that,’ Kate said. ‘Sometimes I think that if you’re not meant to have children then you shouldn’t go down that route.’

      Doctor Bones nodded. ‘That’s certainly a view.’ She was waiting, wrists resting on the edge of her desk, for Kate to give her more.

      What else? ‘I think there is so much misery in this world that I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do.’

      ‘The right thing?’

      Kate looked at the walls, avoiding the doctor’s eyes. Saw the brightly coloured children’s paintings stuck up with Blu Tack, the height charts, the posters about healthy eating, even a chart to test eyesight. She gazed around the surgery, at the box of children’s toys in the corner, a child’s chair, everything catering for children. She refused to let the tears reach further than the back of her eyes.

      ‘You know, getting pregnant just because I…we…want a baby. It seems a bit selfish, you know.’ She shrugged, aware of how useless she was sounding.

      ‘And what does your husband think?’

      ‘Chris? Oh, he’s desperate for them. I mean, he doesn’t put it like that, obviously, but I know that’s what he thinks.’

      ‘But you’re not sure?’

      ‘No.’ Her eyes began to fill with tears. For God’s sake. She blinked furiously.

      ‘Kate,’ the doctor started gently, ‘I’m not sure what I can do for you.’

      ‘I only came because Chris…’ She tailed off and stood up. ‘Sorry, I don’t know why I came really, I—’

      ‘Sit down, Kate.’

      ‘No. I’ve got to go back to work. Thank you for your time.’

      Dr Bones looked at her computer screen. ‘You have a stressful job, Kate. Are you coping?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Look, I’m going to give you some very mild antidepressants. You don’t have to take them, but they could help. And I’m going to put you on the waiting list for some counselling.’

      Kate opened her mouth to object.

      Doctor Bones held up her hand. ‘It’s just a waiting list. Have a think. It might be good to talk to someone other than your husband. An outsider. Okay? And I want to see you in a month.’

      Kate could only nod.

      Outside the doctor’s room she leaned against the wall and took deep breaths. The air was stifling. It had been a mistake to come here, but at least she’d done it and she would be able to tell Chris. And she would tell him that the doctor thought she was a bit down about things. It would buy her some time. Things would resolve themselves, wouldn’t they?

      She hurried along the corridor and out into the waiting room. Luckily the woman and her baby weren’t there. She made her way to the swing doors at the back.

      ‘Ms Todd?’

      Kate turned round. It was the pharmacist.

      ‘I’ll have your prescription ready in a minute, if you’d like to take a seat.’ The pharmacist smiled at her from through the hatch.

      ‘Right, thank you.’

      Kate stared at the television still murmuring in the corner, sitting up when she saw the breaking news headline running across the bottom of the screen.

       СКАЧАТЬ