Across The Line. Amy Lee Burgess

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      “I…it’s not old. I checked the date first.” My lips were numb. Was I going to pass out? Everything seemed so oddly bright and yet frighteningly dim.

      “It’s all right, Stanzie,” said Murphy. He sounded so kind. So understanding. Could he possibly understand the tumult of emotions gripping me right now?

      My wolf was normal. Free of the yoke of the unactivated pack bond my father forced upon me when I was a baby. I’d shifted three times since it had been lifted. Once when my wolf was out of control because it was the first time she’d ever been free of the pack bond. That had been a giddy, scary, roller coaster of an experience. Once after Paddy’s murder when she and I had been wracked with grief and then again at his funeral. She’d never run free and unfettered just for the hell of it. I’d waited and waited, patient because if anyone understood the grief of losing a loved one, it was me.

      But now a new pack bond would be thrust upon us, While intellectually I understood it wouldn’t hurt her, cold terror settled in my heart.

      “A pack bond right now would be the best thing for Mac Tire.” Murphy stepped around Will’s car seat so he could sit beside me on the sofa.

      “You don’t understand a feckin’ thing,” shouted Fiona and Will, who had been calming down, gave another frightened wail. Fee shushed him by sitting in an arm chair and giving him her breast.

      Paralyzed, I couldn’t turn my head to look at Murphy. I wanted to see his face, but couldn’t move.

      “Stanzie, if you can’t stop stinking up this room with your fear, can you please go somewhere else?” Fee glared at me. I couldn’t see her face, but the burning wrath of her gaze was hot on my cheek. “What the hell are you scared for anyway?”

      “The pack bond, Fee,” Murphy reminded her. He stressed her name as if to jog her memory. Maybe it was a reproach too because she sucked in her breath as if struck.

      “For fuck’s sake,” she snarled. “We don’t have time for your petty little fears right now. Get over it. A pack bond won’t hurt your precious wolf and you know it. Why can’t you sympathize with me and what I’ve got to go through instead of wallowing in your own self-pity?”

      “I’ve been wallowing in yours for three months. Do you suppose I could have two minutes for myself?” The words rushed from my mouth before I could take them back.

      Again I told myself she was grieving. She’d lost Paddy. Sick to my stomach, I remembered what it was like to lose Grey and Elena.

      Shocked silence for a beat, then Fee burst into ugly tears. Will howled and Murphy cursed beneath his breath.

      Tears pricked my eyes. Poor Murphy. I’d made his night even harder because now it would take much longer to talk Fee around. I was such an idiot. Fee was right. I had no time for self-pity or fear. I needed to suck it up and deal. The pack bond would supposedly help everyone. I had no idea how because I thought they were devices from hell, but I was a member of Mac Tire and if they took a pack bond, so would I.

      My lips trembled and I leaped to my feet, brushing away the hand Murphy stretched out to me. He didn’t have time to deal with me too. He needed to concentrate on Fee.

      “I’m sorry, Fee.” My voice was choked. “I’m sorry.”

      She refused to look at me and buried her face in Will’s sweet-smelling hair. I retreated to the bedroom and curled up on the bed.

      * * * *

      “Want to talk about it?”

      I jerked in the bed and rolled over to see Murphy assembling Will’s portable crib. He’d switched on the desk lamp and the yellow light spilled across his tired face as he worked.

      I must have dozed. A glance at the clock on the nightstand revealed it was the middle of the night. Nearly one o’clock.

      “Fee?” I whispered.

      “Sleeping in the chair finally,” he answered. “I’ll carry her in after I settle the baby.”

      “I’ll get him.” I slid to the edge of the bed and rubbed my sleep-encrusted eyes.

      “Will you be all right? Colm’s determined to do this thing tomorrow. I called him and couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Five minutes of impassioned screaming. In stereo. One ear was him, the other Fee.”

      “I must have slept through it.” I yawned guiltily.

      He cast me an amused look, but he looked so damn worn out. “Good for you.”

      He finished setting up the crib and turned toward me. “Will’s in his car seat and they can both sleep where they are for now if you want to talk.”

      “What about?” I tried to find a brave smile, but was fresh out of such luxuries.

      Murphy scrubbed along the edge of his jaw. His fingers rasped against his beard stubble. When was the last time the poor man shaved? He’d verged past sexy stubble two days ago and was now closing in on unattractively prickly.

      “Really, it’s the best thing for the pack,” he said. “All this fucking grief, we’re mired in it. We’re not moving forward. A pack bond will help.” His tone was wistful, as if he only half believed in his own bullshit.

      I swallowed hard and slid off the bed. I wanted to talk to him in the worst way, but it wasn’t fair. It was one o’clock in the morning and he was flat-out exhausted.

      “I believe you,” I said, and his smile turned affectionate. He took a step toward me, as if he meant to hug me, but Will chose that moment to cry out. The poor thing disliked his car seat intensely.

      “I’ll get him.” I darted out the door and across the living room floor to rescue him before he roused Fiona.

      She was sprawled in the arm chair, still with her jacket on, blouse buttoned wrong. Tears had left shiny streaks across her cheeks and her sandy blond hair was lifeless and bedraggled around her shoulders. She looked so pathetically alone, tears rose in my eyes.

      What the hell, Paddy? Why did he fucking have to die? Irrational anger bloomed within me. He was supposed to have given me the pack bond. I trusted him. I loved him. I didn’t know Colm O’Reilly and the thought of drinking his herb-infused blood sickened me. Terrified me.

      I scooped Will from the car seat and bounced him against my shoulder, cradling his little head in my hand.

      As soon as his face pressed against my skin, he quieted. Pack children needed touch. Hell, so did Pack adults.

      Murphy lifted Fee’s limp body and moved ahead of me into the bedroom. He set her down gently on the bed while I placed an already sleeping Will in his crib. As I looked at him, he gave a hitching, little sigh that tore at my heartstrings. This little boy would never know his father. He’d hear stories and see pictures, but he’d never, ever know his father’s touch.

      Anger bloomed inside me again and I beat it down. Pointless. Useless. What was done was done and now it was time to pick up the pieces and move on.

      By the time I turned away from Will and the crib, Murphy was stretched across СКАЧАТЬ