Suck'd. Susan Berran
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Название: Suck'd
Автор: Susan Berran
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Учебная литература
Серия: The Freaky Series
isbn: 9780994275479
isbn:
A split-second later she glanced at me, waffled something about veggies running down my socks, turned around and just disappeared! Probably to release the fart.
I found out later that she’d actually taken off for the office to call Jared’s mum to come and get him … which she did!
Hey … WHAT ABOUT ME!?
Did anyone ask me if it was OK for Jared to go home for the rest of the day? NOOO! Pretty inconsiderate don’t you think? So then five minutes later, Jared gets picked-up by his mum and goes off home for a nice little snooze in beddy-byes for the rest of the day. And I’m stuck at school with ‘The Seven Dimwits’. That’s what we call the sixth grade boys who all hang around together: TOFFEE, WHEEZY, Booga and RATTY, the twins DUFAS and DORKY, and worst of all, Itchy.
But then it gets even worse, if that’s even possible … GUESS WHAT!? I tried to call Jared that arvo to let him know what a sucktacular day I’d had, but his mum answered the phone and wouldn’t let me talk to him, cause he’s sooooo sick. And then she tells me he won’t be getting out of bed for school or anything else for maybe a couple of days!
So naturally I headed straight for the SECRET COMPARTMENT in my bedroom. I slid out the bottom drawer of my clothes cupboard and took out my ONE-OF-A-KIND, way cool, very AWESOME and totally secret walkie-talkie to call Jared.
I had to call him straight away because I desperately needed to find out what amazing plan he’d used to sucker his mum so brilliantly. That way I could chuck on the exact same sicky act with my mum. Of course, then when our mums left for work each day me and Jared would be free to hang out and bludge and do a heap of stuff together. Like working on our latest and greatest, MOST INCREDIBLE and absamativalutely awesomest skate ramp in the known UNIVERSE!
But when Jared finally answered his walkie-talkie he just drooled and slurred out a couple of words that I couldn’t understand and then started snoring!
A ha! So that was it! The old ‘SLUR YOUR WORDS SO THAT NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU AND PRETEND TO KEEP FALLING ASLEEP’ trick, eh? But throwing up all the way to school just to set the scene? That was brilliant. GENIUS! He even had me fooled, for a second.
The next morning I leapt out of bed and snuck off to the bathroom to pinch a few ear-buds. Then, pulling the fluff off the ends I rolled it up into two nice, tight little booga-sized fluff-balls. With a fluff-ball shoved up both nostrils, I dragged myself out to the kitchen …
“Mornaaarrrrr Maaaa,” I slurred slowly and painfully.
Mum was busy racing in and out of the kitchen at a hundred miles an hour, shovelling food into Little Miss Food and Fart Factory Melly’s face, and a slice of toast into her own … at the same time grabbing paperwork from all over the table and cupboards and smooshing it into her briefcase … at the same time grabbing stuff from the fridge and chucking it between a few slices of bread … at the same time brushing her and Melly’s hair and yanking clothes over her head … at the same time … WOW, was Mum even listening to me?
COUGH , COUGH , COUGH
“Eerrr Maaaa!” I tried to slur a little louder this time.
“Here’slunchbegoodloveyabye! ” Mum said as she whipped Melly out of her chair, shoved her under one arm, grabbed her case, shoved it under the other arm, headed towards the door, stomping each foot into a shoe, still chewing toast and all the while plastering make-up all over her face but barely throwing a glance anywhere near my direction.
SLAM! And with that she was out the door and gone. DAMN!
Oh well. I grabbed the tweezers and gently reached up each nostril to carefully slide out the soggy, booga-soaked ear-bud fluff. I opened the fridge and took out a huge bottle of soft-drink, unscrewed the lid and put the bottle up to my mouth, gulp gulp gulp gulp, when …
“Oh, and Sam … ”
“ARGH!” I spluttered, turning so fast that the bottle suddenly yanked out of my mouth, fizzy soft-drink instantly flew up one nostril and shot out the other like a fire hose, spilling the sticky drink all the way down the front of my school uniform.
“Yeah, Mum?”
There was Mum’s head sticking around the corner of the front door, still chewing on toast.
“… you didn’t sound very well before. I was about to see if you needed to stay home today. But I see you’re drinking soft-drink, and your voice sounds much better so you’re obviously feeling fine. Make sure you clean up the kitchen before you go to school. ”
“Yes, Mum.”
GREAT! I couldn’t believe it! Jared was going to have so much fun bludging all day, the lucky bugga, and I was going to be stuck at school … alone!
Yep! That was the start of the SUCKIEST week in history. Well actually, I guess it really started the moment after he was sent home from school.
Thanks a lot Jared … NOT!
So here is what happened in every single detail of the suckiest week ever …
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