Toe Jamm'd. Susan Berran

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      Its mouth widened into a huge snarl. Green, hairy, mouldy teeth with slime dripping from them were coming closer and closer, suddenly it leapt at me … BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

      I slammed my hand into the alarm clock and sent it crashing to the floor.

      What a NIGHTMARE! I woke up sweating like the armpit of a hippie crossing the desert in the middle of summer.

      Reaching across and taking the shoe box from the table, I felt more than a little nervous. Of course I knew it was in there, where else would it be? There was no need to look inside. Well maybe just a quick peek. Lifting the lid just a crack, I put my eye against the box …

      Nooo!! It wasn’t in there!

      I threw back the bed cover, grabbed my leg and pulled it up towards me … Aaaaahhh!!

      It was back!!

      There it was, right between my toes. Moister, smellier, FLUFFier and even bigger than before. I panicked, I didn’t know what to do … Jared!

      Grabbing the walkie-talkie, I called Jared straight away.

      “Get over here … now!! ” I screamed. He was still in bed but he could tell by the urgency in my voice that I meant business.

      I slipped on a pair of socks so the shock wouldn’t be too much for him. He’s a big wuss when it comes to ‘yucky’ things. Like when we were building our skate park. We were piling the hay when a rat ran up his trouser leg and started chewing on his undies. He screamed like a girl whose just found her first zit. His arms and legs were flipping about everywhere, like an octopus trying to dance on ice wearing roller-skates. Anyway by the time he got to my place, I was totally freaking out.

      “What’s going on?” he said, looking more confused than usual. Jared then sat on my bed in silence as I replayed the last few days’ events in every detail. Right up until the moment I’d called him. His face showed no emotion as he listened intently to my every word. When I finished he sat motionless for a moment, as if in a trance or something. Then, without a word, he suddenly threw himself backwards onto the bed and broke into fits of laughter, like some loony hyena on pep pills.

      “Good one Sam,” was all he managed to splutter out as he held onto his sides and continued to roll about uncontrollably.

      Calmly I sat down on the bed beside him … “Ok,” I said pulling my knees up and resting my feet on the cover … “I tried to tell ya.” And with that I yanked off my socks. As Jared began to wipe away the tears of laughter from his eyes, he caught a blurry glimpse of my feet …

       Aaaahhhh!!!

      He leapt back so suddenly that he fell straight off the other side of the bed … THUMP!! … landing on the floor, flat on his back with only his feet poking up.

      And he wasn’t laughing any more.

      A few seconds later he peeked up over the edge of the bed cover. But only just enough to sneak another look at my feet. “Wow!! ” was all he kept saying. And he definitely looked green and pale. So I thought I better leave the joy of smelling them until later.

      He eventually pulled himself together. “S-s-so what d-d-do you want me t-t-to do?” he said with a nervous stutter. “Help me get rid of it of course,” I said. Boy, sometimes Jared could be thicker than a stale loaf of bread buried in concrete.

      I went and ‘borrowed’ Smelly Melly’s toothbrush and Mum’s eyebrow tweezers for the job. Then we both sat down on the bed, face to face and worked out our plan of attack. Jared thought it would be as simple as picking a runny nose; but he was wrong as usual, very wrong.

      Holding my first two toes apart, Jared dug in with Mum’s tweezers. But it just seemed to moosh in further. Then he tried scrubbing it out using the toothbrush. But that just seemed to push it about. Finally he managed to scrape a whole heap out using his own long, thin, bony fingers. His fingernails were like little BULLDOZERS and actually worked pretty well. He had chunks of my toe-jam under just about every fingernail on his hands by the time we’d finished. It seemed to take hours. It was like the toe-jam didn’t want to come out. It seemed to be almost … hanging on somehow. But finally with one foot done and clear, I placed it down onto the floor. Then I pulled up the other foot to go through the same process. Jared stuck his finger between my toes . . . ouchh!!

      He shoved that toe-jammed finger straight into his mouth and started sucking it like a baby as he just about fell off the bed again.

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