The Changing Face of Sex. Wayne P. Anderson PhD

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СКАЧАТЬ Some of the material in this book is based on reports I have received from students over the years about their observations on sex in their environment, including a chapter on their fantasies about sensuous encounters.

      Two of my goals in writing this book are to give the general reader (1) a broad view of what accurate information has been gained recently in the sexual area and (2) what changes have happened in sexual attitudes and behavior during my work as a professor, researcher and therapist.

SECTION ONE - THE PANDORA’S BOX OF SEX IS PRIED OPEN

      CHAPTER ONE

      CURRENT SEXUAL ATTITUDES / BEHAVIOR

      Student behavior today in 2011 is very different from student behavior when I started teaching a human sexuality course in 1969. Many changes had to take place in society’s attitudes before we reached the point I will be discussing in this chapter. The two chapters that follow will discuss sexual behavior and norms of the 20th century and explore the people and factors that caused the radical changes in behavior we have seen.

      The sexual behavior of college students today has evolved into something very different from what we knew in the early 1960s and continues to evolve into a more open and on some levels more satisfying sex life for many.

      One of the changes has been more students moving in the direction of hook-ups rather than dating. The exact meaning of hooking up seems to be purposely kept vague. It can mean anything from kissing and touching to oral sex or intercourse. For example, when a girl says, “I hooked up with so-and-so last night,” no one knows exactly what she did. Using the term protects the students’ reputation and makes them a player at the same time.

      There appears to be several levels of hooking up. The most basic is that a couple meet at a party, are sexually attracted to each other and find a place to have sex. Other times it means making out without intercourse. At whatever level it takes place, it would have been shocking and in many cases illegal in an earlier generation.

      In the honors course that I continue to teach for university juniors and seniors, I ask the students to record three observations a day for two weeks on sex in their environment. The instructions are open-ended in that they may report their observations on advertising, movies, books they’re reading, what is on TV, what they observe others doing or, if they wish, their own behavior.

      Part of the goal of the assignment is to make them aware of how totally surrounded they are by sexual material; partly it is to make them more comfortable with discussing sex in class, and finally it is to keep me up-to-date on what in going on in an environment that I have little direct contact with. Without this feedback I would have scant knowledge of what their standards were or what students were doing sexually.

      I have chosen some representative observations to show their reactions to what they are seeing and doing.

      “In many ways we are living in a sexual golden age. Instead of being vilified, promiscuity can be talked about and even joked about. People usually see homophobia as a problem, not homosexuality. We are exploring the connection between love and sex and realizing that, yes they are fantastic when put together, but they can also be enjoyed separately. Our increased discussion has resulted in some of the best and most satisfying sex humans have ever had. Sex is finally thought of and appreciated in and of itself.”

      (Male university student)

      “When talking with two of my guy friends, they shared some less-than-philosophical thoughts about sex. According to their experiences, there exist three types of girls in this world: those who hate giving blow jobs and almost always refuse to do it, those who don’t really enjoy it, but will put out when necessary, and finally, those who intrinsically enjoy giving head and will comply whenever asked.”

      (Female student)

      You will note from that last quote that there is an assumption that all women will agree to have sex—they may just be a little choosy about how they do it. I find that women in my classes are more inclined to see problems with their present behavior.

      “The one observation I found from my log that best summarizes my feelings toward these issues is “sex is the opiate of the masses.” I wrote it in one of my more bitter moments, but I have later found it to be more hopeful than it really sounds. A reality that I could not help but face during these initial two weeks was that everyone of us needs sex or relates to sex, or at least in some way identifies with it. It was a little disheartening to realize that this was an essential part of me no matter how high my I.Q. or level of worldly success, and it made me no different from the bum on the corner or the plumber that fixes my toilet. The other thing to remember is that every animal requires this to continue existing, so it really can not be that bad a thing to share with everyone else. Like the need for food or water, the knowledge that no one is exempted from indulging in sex keeps us humble. Aside from all other life functions, it is the one thing that keeps us completely equal and truly human.”

      “Men can be so pathetic when they want sex, like they’re a starving infant whining for milk.”

      “My brother is talking about one of his best girly friends from high school who is a rigid Christian. She wants to be a virgin until she’s married, but according to my brother, she and her boyfriends do ‘everything but sex.’ This includes some stuff that is ‘gross’ (my brother’s words). It’s interesting to see how many people cling to the idea of being labeled a ‘technical’ virgin without thinking twice about the other acts they participate in, i.e.‘I’ll do anything but have vaginal sex.’”

      “I find it completely remarkable that my roommates and I can talk so openly about our sex lives, yet when one roommate hears the other actually having sexual relations they are ‘grossed out.’ Where is the line? Talking about sex is ok but in practice it’s off limits?”

      “I had a boy ask me at a bar if I was in a relationship, I told him yes. He said ok ’cause he didn’t want to chase tail that was taken. Is that all a bar is for?”

      “My roommate just completed training to help lead a workshop given to freshman girls in sororities about alcohol and sexual safety. She thought the program overall was good, but she was concerned that girls might feel uncomfortable talking about birth control and planned parenthood and thought they should take that part out.”

      “A friend was talking about how she’s only slept with virgins. She says she didn’t plan it, but she liked that they were virgins. It gave her three advantages.The first was that they were disease free.The second was that they didn’t have any weird moves that their last girlfriends liked. The third reason is that they were easy to train.”

      “I think some people use alcohol as an excuse to get drunk and have sex with people they would be embarrassed to be seen with otherwise.”

      “While sitting in Brady Commons today I overheard some guys talking a few tables over. One was explaining to the others that he just moved into his apartment and the bed he has is an old one a friend of his sold him cheap. The problem is the bed makes a horrible squeaking noise when he is having sex that distracts both him and his girlfriend. Immediately two guys suggested putting a pillow behind the headboard to help with the squeaking. Another suggested using rubber washers. I was entertained by the apparent familiarity the other guys had with the problem. I wonder if any of their ideas helped.”

      In the student reports I pick up clues that a double-standard of sexuality still exists to some extent. That is men are very happy СКАЧАТЬ