The Panda Theory: Shocking, hilarious and poignant noir. Pascal Garnier
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Название: The Panda Theory: Shocking, hilarious and poignant noir

Автор: Pascal Garnier

Издательство: Ingram

Жанр: Контркультура

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isbn: 9781908313232

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СКАЧАТЬ wife, Marie, makes it, but I’m the one who taught her. I’m Portuguese, she’s Breton. All she could cook was pancakes. She still makes them. You’ve got to make crêpes in Brittany! Are you a Breton?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘I thought not.’

      ‘Why?’

      ‘A Breton downs his glass in one. But you haven’t.’

      ‘Is it serious?’

      ‘What? Not being a Breton?’

      ‘No, your wife.’

      ‘No, it’s a cyst. She’s tough. She’s never been ill before. I drove her to the hospital this morning. The kids are at their grandmother’s. It’s best for them.’

      … NO ONE WAS KILLED IN THE ACCIDENT. FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT IN CAIRO, LAURENT PÉCHU …

      ‘How many do you have?’

      ‘Two, a boy and a girl, Gaël and Maria, seven and five.’

      … IT COULD JUST BE HUMAN ERROR …

       ‘How about you? Do you have any children?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Are you a sailor?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘I only ask because of your reefer jacket.’

      ‘It’s practical.’

      … AT HALF-TIME, THE SCORE WAS 3–2 …

      The salt cod hadn’t been soaked for long enough. He didn’t like the vinho verde. He would have preferred water, but there wasn’t any on the table. He only had to ask. The owner would have given him some, like the beer he had not drunk. Stupid.

      ‘Do you know Portugal?’

      ‘I’ve been to Lisbon.’

      ‘What a beautiful city! It’s huge! I’m from Faro myself. It’s also pretty, but smaller. I came to France in ’77, to Saint-Étienne, as a builder. And then …’

      … TRIUMPH AT THE OLYMPIA. LET’S HEAR WHAT THE FANS ARE SAYING …

      ‘… I left the building trade to open the restaurant with Marie. Would you like coffee?’

      ‘No, thank you.’

      ‘Okay.’

      … OVERCAST BUT WITH SUNNY SPELLS IN THE LATE AFTERNOON …

      ‘That was very tasty. How much do I owe you?’

      ‘Ten euros? I won’t charge for the beer.’

      ‘Thank you.’

      … WONDERFUL EVENING AND STAY WITH US HERE ON CHANNEL ONE …

       ‘I thought I’d be eating alone tonight. I’m José by the way. And you are?’

      ‘Gabriel. See you tomorrow.’

      ‘Yes, tomorrow, but as long as Marie is in hospital I’m not opening the restaurant.’

      ‘That’s fine.’

      ‘Do you have a fridge?’

      ‘Er, yes.’

      ‘Could you put this in it until tonight?’

      ‘What is it?’

      ‘Meat.’

      ‘Of course, that will be fine.’

      ‘Thank you.’

      The hint of moustache on Madeleine’s lip was effaced by her warm smile as she took the five hundred grams of boned lamb shoulder. Anyone watching would have found the scene somewhat biblical. Today, Madeleine looked beautiful.

      The flimsy wire hanger was designed for summer outfits and it sagged pitifully under the weight of the wet reefer jacket. It had been raining since early morning, a light rain that was perfectly in keeping with the town and gave it a certain elegance, a veneer of respectability. Gabriel had delighted in it from the moment he had opened his eyes; it was like a kind of salutary grief, an unobtrusive companion, an intimate presence.

      There were people about, mothers taking their children to school and housewives weighed down by bulging shopping baskets. Mainly women. The men were digging holes in the road and replacing the rotten, rust-eaten pipes with new grey plastic ones. They seemed to revel in making a lot of noise and wheeling their big orange diggers in and out of the pus-yellow mud. It was a typical Monday. The shops showed off their best wares with the clumsy vanity of a girl getting ready for her first dance: bread, flowers, fish, funeral urns, medicines, sports equipment, houses for rent or sale, every kind of insurance, furniture, light fittings, shoes and so on.

      He had tried on a pair of shoes just because the shop assistant seemed bored all alone in her pristine shop. But he had not bought them. He had apologised, saying that he was going to think about it. Not a sale, but a glimmer of hope at least. It didn’t take much to make people happy.

      After that he had stopped at a café for a hot chocolate and found himself sitting next to two young men in ill-fitting suits who talked business with the seriousness of a pair of children playing at being grown-ups. From what he could gather, their problem was how to get rid of two hundred pallets of babies’ bottles and as many unfortunately incompatible teats.

      ‘Africa. It’s the only way …’

      On leaving the café he had found himself outside the butcher’s gazing longingly at a rolled shoulder of lamb garnished with a cute sprig of parsley. It made him think of baby Jesus.

      The radiator continued to pump out a suffocating heat. He felt overcome by a kind of tropical fever. The bed morphed into a hammock and a mangrove swamp of memories closed in on him, incoherent, tangled.

       There had been toys scattered about the empty house there as well.

       ‘You can see, can’t you, Gabriel, she had everything. EVERYTHING!’

       His friend Roland made a sweeping gesture that encompassed the vacant space. It still smelt of fresh paint.

       ‘You can’t tell me we wouldn’t have been happy here!’

       Gabriel had not been able to think of a response. He had merely shaken his head. It was sadder to see it like this, virtually unlived in, than it would have been if a bomb had hit it. Nadine, Roland’s wife, had left with the kids barely a week after moving in. Everything was achingly new. Most of the furniture was still wrapped in plastic.

       ‘“I don’t like chickens.” That was her only explanation! Christ! She could have said earlier! I could have kept pigs. Or something else. You’ve seen СКАЧАТЬ