All the Romance You Need This Christmas: 5-Book Festive Collection. Romy Sommer

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СКАЧАТЬ that was inside it, taking a sip, closing my eyes as the silky-smooth liquid coated my throat, filling me with a warmth that spread through me within seconds.

      ‘I told you you were gonna love this,’ Zac smiled, taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. ‘Not a bad place to take a tea break, huh?’

      I looked at him, a ridiculous feeling of child-like excitement rising up in me. ‘I can’t believe all this is happening,’ I said, cupping my hands round the mug, loving the cosy feeling being inside this traditional kata was giving me. I’d never experienced anything like this before, and it was opening up a whole new world for me. But I couldn’t stop memories of Jase from invading those thoughts once again, memories of all the plans we’d made to come here, how excited we’d been, the things we’d wanted to do. Had Jase ever mentioned snowmobiling? Why couldn’t I remember something as simple as that? It was only a year ago, for heaven’s sake. Surely my memory wasn’t that bad?

      ‘You’ve drifted off again,’ Zac said, giving me a gentle nudge. ‘Something on your mind?’

      ‘No,’ I smiled, taking another sip of the wonderful hot chocolate we’d been given. ‘I was just thinking about this place – the way it can make you feel… if you let it.’

      Oh, God, I was beginning to sound like Mikku now. But it was true. Since being here I felt as though I’d stepped off the plane into a completely different dimension.

      ‘I know what you mean,’ Zac said, staring straight ahead into the fire, huge red and bright-orange flames leaping up from the wood, sending smoke billowing through the hole in the top of the kata that served as a chimney.

      ‘You do?’ I asked, wondering if he really meant that or if he was just humouring me.

      He turned to look at me, his eyes full of nothing but sincerity. ‘Yes. I do.’

      Neither of us said anything for a few seconds, both of us turning to watch the mesmerising flames in front of us, the sound of chatter from our fellow snowmobilers surrounding us.

      ‘There’s a Christmas Eve party tonight, at my hotel,’ I said, finally breaking our silence. ‘I’d really like you to come with me. If you want to.’

      I was scared to look at him in case his answer was no, he had other plans, or he just didn’t think it was the right time to be going to parties together. Was it the right time to be going to parties together?

      ‘I’d love to,’ he replied, without missing a beat, both of us turning to face the other. ‘I’d love to go to a Christmas Eve party with you.’

      I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. ‘Great. Oh God, I felt so nervous asking you that.’

      ‘Why?’ Zac laughed, taking another sip of his drink. ‘You should have known I was going to say yes.’

      ‘Yeah,’ I said, draining my mug of the last of the heavenly-tasting chocolate. ‘Yeah, I guess I should.’ I looked at him, the way his face looked even more handsome in the glow of the fire, his eyes shining with something I couldn’t explain, but whatever it was it filled me with the most incredible feeling, of what I didn’t know. It just made me feel happy and safe and blessed. Yes, I felt blessed. Blessed to have been sent to this magical place, blessed to have met this wonderful man who was giving me a new sense of hope. For the past year I hadn’t been living, I’d been existing. I’d been grieving. But maybe now it was time to put all those feelings away and start living again. Maybe now it was time.

      *

      My mind was still buzzing after an incredible afternoon of speeding through frozen forests and drinking hot chocolate in a warm and cosy kata. I was on too much of a high to go straight back to the hotel, so, with a few hours to kill before the Christmas Eve party, I decided to take a look around the Christmas market at the bottom of the ski slopes.

      With daylight long gone the dark skies were lit up only with the glow of fairy lights and flashing decorations, giant Christmas trees lining the route to the market illuminating the way like festive street lamps. But the market itself was even prettier now that darkness was here, the rows of little log cabins that acted as market stalls all covered with their own individual lights and decorations. The place smelt of pine needles and mulled wine, hot dogs and doughnuts pervaded the cold air, making me feel all cosy and calm as I walked past the cabins, stopping to see what each was selling, buying myself a mulled wine from a friendly lady in traditional Sami dress. It smelt of cinnamon and spices, and I took a sip, realising I’d never tasted mulled wine like it. Jase and I had always made our own, but it had never tasted like this. I took another sip, standing still in the middle of the little Christmas market, letting everything wash over me as the wine warmed me. Opening my eyes, I looked around me at the tourists checking out the stalls, a little girl talking excitedly to an ‘elf’ who’d come out of the cabin that was decorated as a post office, handing him a letter that she loudly told him must be delivered to Santa Claus straightaway because it was Christmas Eve and she was scared she was too late. I watched as the ‘elf’ reassured her that Santa would get the letter, she wasn’t too late, and the smile that crossed that little girl’s face made me feel incredibly sad that Jase and I had never had children. It wasn’t as though we’d ever made a conscious decision not to have them, it had just never happened. Maybe we’d just been happy enough with each other, but the thought that I had nothing left of him now, no child to carry that part of him on, it hit me like a speeding train, knocking the wind out of me.

      ‘I can’t do this,’ I whispered to myself, watching the child as she ran happily back to her parents, flinging herself into her father’s arms, and all of a sudden I felt tears start streaming down my face, tears I couldn’t stop, they were flooding out of me like a tap I couldn’t turn off.

      ‘It won’t always feel this way,’ a voice from behind me said and I swung around to see Mikku standing there, dressed in his traditional Sami clothing, his eyes sad as he looked at me.

      ‘Mikku, I… I don’t know where this came from, I just… I can’t do this Mikku.’

      ‘You have had a good afternoon, no?’

      I looked at him, frowning slightly. Did he know where I’d been? Did he know I’d been with Zac? Or was he just asking a general question? Everything was suddenly so muddled in my head, I felt like it was full of nothing but cotton wool, I couldn’t think straight. ‘I… I’ve had a good afternoon, yes, but… Mikku, I… I can’t do this, with Zac, I mean. I can’t do it.’

      ‘It won’t always feel this way,’ he repeated, those intense, dark eyes of his boring into mine, sending that now-familiar wave of calm washing over me. ‘I promise you that. But you have to want to move on, Jessie. And I think you need to give yourself a chance, I really do.’

      Standing there, in the traditional blue Sami tunic with its distinctive decorations, the bands of bright red and yellow patterns that adorned the base, neck and cuffs, he looked so young, so handsome – this strange man, this beautiful boy. ‘But what if this grief, this guilt; what if it never goes away, Mikku? Jase, he’s… he’s still so… he’s still so much a part of me, I don’t know if I’m ready to let that go.’

      Mikku just looked at me, his eyes locking onto mine again. It felt as though we were the only two people standing there, in the middle of the little market. It felt as though it was just us and the fairy lights and the Christmas trees and the smell of pine needles and mulled wine. ‘You were ready a long time ago, Jessie. You just need to let yourself realise that.’

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