The Things I Should Have Told You. Carmel Harrington

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СКАЧАТЬ get the words out. I look at the doctor, trying to get a lead on what he’s about to say. Does his countenance have the look of one about to bear bad news? Maybe. What if I’m going to die? What if I’ve done serious damage to myself? Now that the thought takes root, I realise that I don’t want to die, I want to be back home in my bedroom, reading a book. I look at the door and for a second consider bolting for it. But I’m hooked up to drips. I’m not going anywhere.

       ‘She’s going to be okay, though?’ Mam pleads and I’m shocked by her tone. She sounds desperate. I think Dad is half holding her up.

       The doc looks at his clipboard once more but doesn’t answer her straight away. I don’t like him very much. I think he’s enjoying the power of it all.

       ‘Give me another chance. Please give me another chance. Please don’t take our baby away,’ Mam mutters. I don’t think she realises that she’s speaking out loud.

       Oh Mam, don’t cry. I’m sorry.

       The doctor’s face softens a bit and he clears his throat, ‘She’s stable.’

       I’m okay. Oh. My. God. I’m okay.

       ‘When will she wake up?’ Mam asks.

       ‘Any time now.’ He gives a brief smile, but as quick as it appears, the frown returns.

       I realise I haven’t taken a breath for a long time because I feel a bit faint. I exhale, just in time to hear the doctor sharing, ‘Her alcohol blood level was 0.40. Do you know how many drinks that means Evie must have consumed?’

       Oh boy, that doesn’t sound too good. They shake their heads in unison, their mouths lolling open. They look ridiculous and I feel awful, ’cos I know this is all my bad.

       ‘I was only gone for two hours. I don’t understand how she could have gotten into such a state in such a short space of time,’ Dad tells him.

       Mam throws a look of disgust at him. My bad once again.

       ‘Evie said she wanted to stay at home and finish her homework, she didn’t want to come with us to the cinema. I’d promised to bring Jamie as a treat because he nailed that Irish test,’ he explains, looking like he could cry any minute.

       Pops murmurs something to him. I can’t catch what it is. But it seems to help because he doesn’t start blubbering.

       ‘Will you shut up for a minute and let the doctor talk?’ Mam snaps. Shit, shit, shit. They’re going to start fighting again. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should tell them I’m awake, to divert a row.

       ‘Mae,’ Pops snaps.

       ‘I’m sorry, we are all under a bit of strain right now.’ Mam does look sorry to be fair. ‘We had no idea that Evie drank. As far as we both know, she’s never had so much as an alcopop before in her life. How much alcohol are you talking about?’

       ‘Our best estimation is that your daughter had at least thirteen units in quick succession,’ he states.

       Did I have that many? I can’t really remember how many I put into the glass. They kept telling me to put more in.

       ‘How the hell is that possible?’ Mam says to Dad.

       I remember putting the gin and whiskey into the glass. Oh damn, I put some wine from the fridge in too. It tasted horrible. Like petrol. Only I’ve never tasted petrol, but I bet it tastes exactly like my stupid cocktail did.

       ‘As I said, she’s lucky to be alive. We’ll talk again tomorrow.’ He walks out, but not before I catch the look of reproach on his face. Thing is, I don’t feel so lucky right now.

       ‘I was only gone for two hours,’ Dad repeats and he walks towards me.

       I’m so sorry, Dad. Don’t be upset. It’s not your fault. It was all mine.

       ‘We’ve gathered that!’ Mam says. Here we go again. Ding dong! Round nine hundred and nighty-nine between my folks.

       I jump when Pops speaks, his voice raised in anger. ‘What the hell is wrong with you? This is not the time to throw punches at each other. You and Olly need to pull together. For Evie and Jamie, if you can’t do it for each other.’

       I close my eyes quickly, before anyone notices that I am awake. Sleep, I need to sleep some more, I can’t deal with this. With them.

      I still can’t deal with it all. It’s not fair. I hear people talking about getting ‘black-outs’ after they have drunk too much. Why can’t I black out that whole nightmare, then? I jump off the bed. I need to get out of this house. Damn it. I sit back down on the end of the bed. What’s the point? I’ve nowhere to go anyhow. No one to talk to. I’m all on my own and the loneliness hits me smack across my face.

      Ping – another Facebook message.

       AnnMurphy: You there? School was so boring for the last week. You didn’t miss anything. Mrs Byrne actually dozed off on the last day in class. Lol.

      I grin, picturing the scene, and before I can psychoanalyse any further, I answer.

       EvieGuinness: Lol! What about Kent, was she still in that foul mood?

       AnnMurphy: Yep. She had a go at Shauna, proper lost it.

       EvieGuinness: She’s gonna blow any minute.

       AnnMurphy: Like a grenade.

       EvieGuinness: Pow!

       AnnMurphy: LMAO hey what you at?

       EvieGuinness: Nothing.

       AnnMurphy: Are you feeling better?

       EvieGuinness: I’m fine.

       AnnMurphy: I wanted to talk to you about what happened. I feel really bad about it.

       EvieGuinness: I’d rather not discuss it.

       AnnMurphy: K. But I’m sorry.

       EvieGuinness: K.

       AnnMurphy: I better go peel the spuds. Mam has been shouting for me to help get dinner ready for ages. Chat later?

       EvieGuinness: I’d like that. Laterz.

      ‘It’s nice to see you smiling,’ Dad’s voice takes me by surprise. He’s СКАЧАТЬ