The Things I Should Have Told You. Carmel Harrington

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СКАЧАТЬ a toilet, sink and a minuscule shower. It’s spotless and smells of lemons.

      ‘The water and heating system is fantastic. You’ll not be worrying about cold showers in Nomad. But here’s a top tip for you all. It’s easier to shower in the facilities that most campsites offer.’ He winks at Olly and me.

      ‘Oh and don’t worry about being cold. I’ve camped out in the iciest of weathers and been warm and toasty inside Nomad.’ He tells us this with utmost sincerity.

      ‘Right! This here is the master bedroom.’ Aled opens a small door that appears to be floating in the wall. He then pulls down a hatch below it to reveal a little step-ladder. He ushers us to climb up into the master bedroom, which in fact is a closet with a double bed in it. Over the bed are – yes, you guessed right – cupboards right up to the ceiling.

      ‘Lots of storage here too,’ Aled tells me and I stifle a groan.

      ‘I don’t see any wardrobes?’ I say. I mean where are you supposed to hang your dresses?

      Aled lets out a belly laugh and wipes at his eyes theatrically. ‘Wardrobes! You are funny!’

      Olly starts to laugh too, followed by Jamie, who both seem to think that the Welshman is a stand-up comic. I cannot for the life of me see what is so funny about there being no wardrobes in a camper van. I mean it appears to have cupboards in every possible spare inch, why not a bloody wardrobe?

      I feel like the outsider in our family once again, out of sync with the rest of them. I never seem to quite get the same jokes as them these days. I should be used to that feeling by now, but I’m not. Only a few hours ago, when we were driving home, it felt like the old days – us four against the world. But with every peal of laughter that they are all now emitting, I feel more alone.

      Damn you, Pops, what the hell were you thinking? Have you any idea of the trouble you are going to cause with this stupid trip you’ve planned?

      ‘Now the beauty of this model is the large garage you have on board. Come with me and prepare to be amazed.’ Aled walks quickly out of the cabin outside and we all follow. He’s practically skipping with excitement as he disembarks from the van.

      Jamie rushes to get out the door first, so that he doesn’t miss any of the excitement.

      ‘Cracking,’ I say and Evie sniggers. Olly throws a look of irritation my way and shushes me.

      Aled opens a door at the back of the van and I realise that what I would refer to as a large boot, he is in fact calling a garage.

      ‘Proper tidy,’ he boasts. ‘Not all campers have one this size, you know.’

      I’m a bit embarrassed when he catches me throwing my eyes up to the heavens.

      ‘I like to say that there’s room for a lot of junk in your trunk on my Nomad!’ he tells us. He starts to laugh at his own joke again and everyone laughs heartily with him. My smile feels false, who am I trying to kid?

      But then Evie walks over to me and whispers, ‘It’s lush,’ with a mischievous glint in her eye. I could hug her. I wonder, will Olly shush her too? But he just smiles at her. Right, it’s just me who is not allowed to make any jokes.

      I shiver, despite the warm evening. I have this weird sensation, as if I’m looking at my life from a distance. I see Olly and Jamie, with big grins on their excited faces, as they listen to Aled wax lyrical about Nomad. I see Evie, watching me, worried, because she can see that I’m not enjoying myself. And then, there’s me, standing to the left of everyone else. I’m a sorrowful sight with a frown that makes me look twenty years older. And once again I don’t recognise myself. Do I even fit in this family any more? I’ll never leave my children, I couldn’t live without them, but maybe, to be the kind of mother they deserve, I need to leave Olly. Maybe, we’ve come to the end of our road and we should just accept that. Split custody of the kids. Others make that work, we’re reasonable adults, we can too.

      I touch my phone in my jacket pocket, knowing that there are several unanswered text messages from Philip. I haven’t been in touch with him since Evie’s hospitalisation. I swore back then that I’d never talk to him again, that I’d draw a line under the flirtation. Because that’s all it was in fairness. A flirtation that nearly tipped over into dangerous territory.

      But why, then, haven’t I deleted him from my phone? Now there’s million euro question.

      ‘Isn’t this so cool?’ Olly says. No, it’s not one little bit cool, Olly, and if you bothered to look at me, to give me more than a cursory glance, you’d know that. But you don’t care how I feel. You are going to do exactly what you want.

      ‘And you will be delighted to hear that you have a bike rack, too, so no need to use up the garage for that,’ Aled says.

      ‘That’s handy,’ Olly nods with approval at the news.

      ‘We’re not a biking kind of family,’ I say at the exact same time.

      ‘Not yet anyhow,’ Olly jokes at me and the realisation that we are in trouble here solidifies. There’s no doubt about it, he’s totally carried away with the whole farce of us heading off in this van.

      ‘You know, I’ve toured with a two-man canoe, a marquee and a folding table and chairs all in this garage here. You’ll not get a better van for storage than my Nomad,’ Aled tells us.

      ‘Our Nomad, don’t you mean?’ Jamie says and everyone laughs again. We are quite the jolly group.

      I’m about to tell him that we’re not the canoeing type of family, either. But he’s gone before I get the chance and at the other side of the van talking about water tanks and sewage and electrics. I switch off because I have no intention of ever getting my hands dirty with any of that nonsense.

      ‘Is it diesel or petrol?’ Olly asks. Oh boy! He’s taking this way too seriously.

      ‘Diesel. 2.8L turbo. Proper nippy when you get on the open road, let me tell you.’

      Olly nods at him with a goofy grin plastered on his face. He’s picturing himself driving on an open road right now, I can tell.

      I resist the urge to give him a thump.

      Aled then stands up straight and tells us to close our eyes. Seriously, he actually tells us to close our eyes for a big surprise, like we are kids again waiting for a bag of buttons. Olly, Evie and Jamie all do as they are bid, much to my amazement, and I feel I have no choice but to join in the madness. That or once again be the party pooper.

      Maybe I am behaving like a child, but I can’t help myself. I have to take a peek. What on earth is he up to? It takes me a moment to work out what it is, but then I get it and to be fair to Aled, it is quite cool. He’s pulled down an awning from the roof and it transforms the van – doubling its width.

      ‘Ta da!’ He smiles triumphantly at us all. ‘This is the best thing I ever got installed. If it’s raining you can still sit outside and watch the world go by. A whole new room for you to enjoy. Proper tidy. Put your table and chairs out under this and, trust me, you’ll never eat indoors ever again.’

      ‘Can’t you just imagine it? Us all sitting under the stars in front of an open fire,’ Olly says, that dreamy look back again.

      ‘Can СКАЧАТЬ