The Lost Diary of Queen Victoria’s Undermaid. Alex Parsons

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СКАЧАТЬ 1851

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       February 1853

       Spring 1853

       28th March, 1854

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       Autumn 1856

       Autumn 1851

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       25 June, 1857

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       Summer 1865: Osborne House

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       1897

       January 22nd, 1901

       Historical Note

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       About the Publisher

MESSAGE TO READERS

      The diaries of Mrs Flora Porter, née Flossie Ramsbotham, were found beneath the floorboards at Hampton Court Palace, during recent building works. The little notebooks were tied with pink ribbon and wrapped in a pair of red tartan knickerbockers. Whilst the knickerbockers were graciously received on behalf of the nation by the Victoria and Albert Museum, the diaries themselves met with nothing but scorn. The eminent historian, Professor Dullas Ditchwater (author of dozens of long and extremely dusty volumes about Queen Victoria) dismissed Flora’s diaries as ‘worthless gossip’ and ‘scandalous tittle-tattle’.

      When Professor Ditchwater lobbed Flora’s diaries out of his window, they fell into the hands of Alex Parsons, a not-so-eminent or expert historian. She immediately realised that important issues were revealed in the diaries, namely that even Kings and Queens wear underpants, and someone has to wash them. Now, thanks to Ms Parsons’ timely catch, you too can view Queen Victoria’s life and times from the unique perspective of the wash tub.

      THIS DIARY BELONGS TO:

January 1st, 1837

      Snobby Manor, Snootyshire.

      ‘Do not forget, gentle reader; servants are also human beings,’ it says in this book of Household Management I dug out of Lady Snobby’s library. Oh yeah! That’ll come as news to Lady La-di-dah Bossy Boots. Since when do I have time to be a human being, I’d like to know? Sixteen hours a day up to my elbows in soap suds, and life not made easier with the wretched butler trying to kiss me. (I wouldn’t mind so much but he’s got a wart on the end of his nose with three wiry hairs sticking out of it, yeeuch!) Miserable wages, miserable household, and the Snobbies are unbearable. Flossie Ramsbotham, you were born for better things.

      Since this is the day to make New Year’s resolutions here are mine:

      That should do it, I reckon.

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