This Naked Mind. Annie Grace

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СКАЧАТЬ to alcohol and that it is simply common sense to stay away from the source of our allergy.38

      “Us” and “Them”

      While A.A. saves many from alcoholism, I must point out the danger of the physical-flaw theory. Given the widespread drinking in our society, this theory can be dangerous. We continue drinking unchecked, often overlooking the danger of addiction, because we have come to believe alcoholism can only happen to other people. By the time we realize we have a problem, we are faced with self-diagnosing a fatal and incurable illness or admitting to being weak-willed and lacking self-control. We tend to avoid this horrific diagnosis until things have gotten so out of control we can no longer avoid the problem. In some ways this approach has defined alcoholism as a disease of denial. It is standard practice for drinkers to hit rock bottom before they seek help. When I told a friend I had stopped drinking, her immediate response was, “I can’t imagine what you must have been through in order to make that decision.” The assumption was clear: I must have had a rock-bottom experience.

      We see this physical-flaw theory play out in every A.A. meeting. The meeting starts with a round-robin of, “Hello, my name is ______, and I am an alcoholic.” By forcing me to name the problem—I am an alcoholic, a person with a physical flaw that gives alcohol unreasonable control over me—they make the affliction easier to deal with. Members of A.A. enjoy the fellowship of like-minded people fighting a similar battle, and through that community and support they find sobriety. But how does this physical-flaw theory affect drinkers who don’t (or won’t) consider the possibility that they have an incurable illness? Those who don’t (or won’t) consider themselves alcoholics?

      Instead of treating alcohol with caution because we know it to be dangerous and addictive, we reassure ourselves that we are different from those flawed people we know as alcoholics. I speak from experience. And no one treats this as an insult. The alcoholics themselves confirm they are “different” from the normal population. So, millions of “regular” drinkers go through their drinking lives with no fear that they might become alcoholics.

      We also believe that addiction to alcohol varies from other addictions because the rate of addiction happens differently for each person. We see many people who seem to “control” their drinking and can “take it or leave it.” So it’s difficult to understand why some people’s first sips launch them into full-blown dependence while others never reach that point. But it is not just alcoholics who systematically increase the amount they drink. Regular drinkers start off with just a few drinks and are soon consuming a nightly glass of wine. In fact, alcoholics start off as “regular” drinkers. In many cases it takes years for them to cross the indistinct line into alcoholism.

      The Blame Game 3.0: Alcoholic Genes

      The Big Book claims that alcoholism “is limited to this class [of people] and never occurs in the average temperate drinkers.”³⁹ The idea is that alcohol is not a problem for normal people and that many people can drink and suffer no physical, mental, or social ill effects, implying that alcohol is not a problem for normal people. Since 87% of the population drinks,⁴⁰ with those drinkers ranging from the person who only drinks during toasts at weddings to the degenerate sleeping in the gutter, it is not hard to see why society struggles to understand this disease.

      A.A. members describe themselves as a group of men and women who have discovered they cannot control their drinking.⁴¹ While I don’t agree that alcoholics have lost control due to a physical, mental, or emotional defect, I concur that an alcoholic should be defined as someone who no longer has the ability to restrain their drinking.

      I realize under this definition many alcoholics don’t recognize that they have lost control. Many more drinkers dwell in limbo. Usually, years separate the point where you start to wonder if you have a problem and the moment you accept it. Ten years after a tiny voice in my head began to question my nightly drinking I determined I had to stop denying it and change how much I drank. It saddens me to think of the damage I did to my body, the havoc I wreaked in my relationships, and the pain I caused my husband. I want This Naked Mind to be a life raft, a wake-up call well before we reach “rock bottom” and our drinking becomes unmanageable.

      If about 87% of people drink, it seems fair to assume that the majority believe themselves to be in control.⁴² To be clear, I am not saying that everyone who drinks has developed a physical and neurological dependence on alcohol. It is not that everyone who sips alcohol is addicted but that everyone who drinks alcohol has a chance of becoming addicted. Furthermore, the point of addiction or dependence is unknown to the drinker and is generally not known until the drinker attempts to cut back. The obvious problem is that you can’t know when you are in control. Nothing seems different, and in fact as humans we tend to feel in control until something significant shows us that we are not. Even then we will vehemently deny we have lost control.

      The End of the Blame Game

      Why is it hard for us to admit that alcohol itself is the primary issue? That alcohol, like any other drug, is addictive and dangerous? That life circumstances, personality, and conditioning lead some victims down into the abyss of alcoholism faster than others, but that we are all drinking the same harmful, addictive substance? That alcohol is dangerous no matter who you are? Have you heard the saying, “When you hear hoof-beats, think horses, not unicorns?” Perhaps we need to take another look and realize the simpler answer makes more sense.

      If you are not convinced, that’s OK. We will talk more about this. What is important now is that you entertain the idea that you might not be fully in control of your drinking. After all, you cannot solve a problem you don’t realize you have.

      So that begs the question, when exactly did we lose control?

3.

       THE DRINKER OR THE DRINK? PART 2: THE DRINK

       “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”

       —F. Scott Fitzgerald

      A Dangerous Delight: The Nectar of Death

      Allen Carr, an author and addiction expert best known for helping smokers overcome nicotine addiction, uses a perfect analogy for how addiction works: the pitcher plant.⁴³ This analogy is powerful, both in making sense of addiction in your conscious mind and in reconditioning your unconscious mind.

      Have you heard of a pitcher plant? It’s a deadly, meat-eating plant native to India, Madagascar, and Australia. Imagine you are walking by a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop, and you smell the doughnuts frying. It’s hard to resist the smell of doughnuts. A pitcher plant is like Krispy Kreme for insects. You are an unsuspecting bumblebee flying through the woods. Suddenly, you fly through blissfully perfumed air. It makes your little bee tummy start to rumble, and you want to get a taste.

      You fly closer to the plant; it looks like a delicious treat of fresh nectar. It smells great. To get a taste you must fly inside the rim. You land in the nectar and start to drink. But you don’t notice the gradual slope under your feet. You are caught up in the moment, enjoying the treat. You begin to slide down into the plant without realizing it. You only notice the intoxicating nectar. Then you begin to sense the slight slide; gravity conspiring against you, but you have wings. You are confident you can fly out of the plant at any time. You need just a few more sips. The nectar is good, so why not enjoy it?

      You think, as most drinkers do, that you are in control; you can leave the plant at any time. Eventually the slope becomes very steep, СКАЧАТЬ