Plays by Anton Chekhov, Second Series. Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

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СКАЧАТЬ for everybody to sit down to supper. Don’t keep on shoving your fork into the lobsters… They’re for the general. He may come yet…

      ZHIGALOV. And are there lobsters in Greece?

      DIMBA. Yes… zere is everysing.

      ZHIGALOV. Hm… And Civil Servants.

      ZMEYUKINA. I can imagine what the atmosphere is like in Greece!

      ZHIGALOV. There must be a lot of swindling. The Greeks are just like the Armenians or gipsies. They sell you a sponge or a goldfish and all the time they are looking out for a chance of getting something extra out of you. Let’s have another, what?

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. What do you want to go on having another for? It’s time everybody sat down to supper. It’s past eleven.

      ZHIGALOV. If it’s time, then it’s time. Ladies and gentlemen, please! [Shouts] Supper! Young people!

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. Dear visitors, please be seated!

      ZMEYUKINA. [Sitting down at the table] Give me poetry.

      “And he, the rebel, seeks the storm,

      As if the storm can give him peace.”

      Give me the storm!

      YATS. [Aside] Wonderful woman! I’m in love! Up to my ears!

      [Enter DASHENKA, MOZGOVOY, GROOMSMEN, various ladies and gentlemen, etc. They all noisily seat themselves at the table. There is a minute’s pause, while the band plays a march.]

      MOZGOVOY. [Rising] Ladies and gentlemen! I must tell you this… We are going to have a great many toasts and speeches. Don’t let’s wait, but begin at once. Ladies and gentlemen, the newly married!

      [The band plays a flourish. Cheers. Glasses are touched. APLOMBOV and DASHENKA kiss each other.]

      YATS. Beautiful! Beautiful! I must say, ladies and gentlemen, giving honour where it is due, that this room and the accommodation generally are splendid! Excellent, wonderful! Only you know, there’s one thing we haven’t got – electric light, if I may say so! Into every country electric light has already been introduced, only Russia lags behind.

      ZHIGALOV. [Meditatively] Electricity… h’m… In my opinion electric lighting is just a swindle… They put a live coal in and think you don’t see them! No, if you want a light, then you don’t take a coal, but something real, something special, that you can get hold of! You must have a fire, you understand, which is natural, not just an invention!

      YATS. If you’d ever seen an electric battery, and how it’s made up, you’d think differently.

      ZHIGALOV. Don’t want to see one. It’s a swindle, a fraud on the public… They want to squeeze our last breath out of us… We know then, these… And, young man, instead of defending a swindle, you would be much better occupied if you had another yourself and poured out some for other people – yes!

      APLOMBOV. I entirely agree with you, papa. Why start a learned discussion? I myself have no objection to talking about every possible scientific discovery, but this isn’t the time for all that! [To DASHENKA] What do you think, ma chère?

      DASHENKA. They want to show how educated they are, and so they always talk about things we can’t understand.

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. Thank God, we’ve lived our time without being educated, and here we are marrying off our third daughter to an honest man. And if you think we’re uneducated, then what do you want to come here for? Go to your educated friends!

      YATS. I, Nastasya Timofeyevna, have always held your family in respect, and if I did start talking about electric lighting it doesn’t mean that I’m proud. I’ll drink, to show you. I have always sincerely wished Daria Evdokimovna a good husband. In these days, Nastasya Timofeyevna, it is difficult to find a good husband. Nowadays everybody is on the look-out for a marriage where there is profit, money…

      APLOMBOV. That’s a hint!

      YATS. [His courage failing] I wasn’t hinting at anything… Present company is always excepted… I was only in general… Please! Everybody knows that you’re marrying for love… the dowry is quite trifling.

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. No, it isn’t trifling! You be careful what you say. Besides a thousand roubles of good money, we’re giving three dresses, the bed, and all the furniture. You won’t find another dowry like that in a hurry!

      YATS. I didn’t mean… The furniture’s splendid, of course, and… and the dresses, but I never hinted at what they are getting offended at.

      NASTASYA TIMOFEYEVNA. Don’t you go making hints. We respect you on account of your parents, and we’ve invited you to the wedding, and here you go talking. If you knew that Epaminond Maximovitch was marrying for profit, why didn’t you say so before? [Tearfully] I brought her up, I fed her, I nursed her… I cared for her more than if she was an emerald jewel, my little girl…

      APLOMBOV. And you go and believe him? Thank you so much! I’m very grateful to you! [To YATS] And as for you, Mr. Yats, although you are acquainted with me, I shan’t allow you to behave like this in another’s house. Please get out of this!

      YATS. What do you mean?

      APLOMBOV. I want you to be as straightforward as I am! In short, please get out! [Band plays a flourish]

      THE GENTLEMEN. Leave him alone! Sit down! Is it worth it! Let him be! Stop it now!

      YATS. I never… I… I don’t understand… Please, I’ll go… Only you first give me the five roubles which you borrowed from me last year on the strength of a piqué waistcoat, if I may say so. Then I’ll just have another drink and… go, only give me the money first.

      VARIOUS GENTLEMEN. Sit down! That’s enough! Is it worth it, just for such trifles?

      A GROOMSMAN. [Shouts] The health of the bride’s parents, Evdokim Zaharitch and Nastasya Timofeyevna! [Band plays a flourish. Cheers.]

      ZHIGALOV. [Bows in all directions, in great emotion] I thank you! Dear guests! I am very grateful to you for not having forgotten and for having conferred this honour upon us without being standoffish And you must not think that I’m a rascal, or that I’m trying to swindle anybody. I’m speaking from my heart – from the purity of my soul! I wouldn’t deny anything to good people! We thank you very humbly! [Kisses.]

      DASHENKA. [To her mother] Mama, why are you crying? I’m so happy!

      APLOMBOV. Maman is disturbed at your coming separation. But I should advise her rather to remember the last talk we had.

      YATS. Don’t cry, Nastasya Timofeyevna! Just think what are human tears, anyway? Just petty psychiatry, and nothing more!

      ZMEYUKINA. And are there any red-haired men in Greece?

      DIMBA. Yes, everysing is zere.

      ZHIGALOV. But you don’t have our kinds of mushroom.

      DIMBA. Yes, we’ve got zem and everysing.

      MOZGOVOY. Harlampi Spiridonovitch, it’s your turn to speak! Ladies and gentlemen, a speech!

      ALL. [To DIMBA] Speech! speech! Your turn!

      DIMBA. СКАЧАТЬ