The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies. Zangwill Israel

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СКАЧАТЬ never know, Manasseh had taken no steps to ascertain if he satisfied the test or not. Such carelessness, he told himself in righteous indignation, deserved fitting punishment. But, on the other hand, he recalled Manasseh's trust in him; Manasseh believed him a man of honour, and the patron's elevation of soul awoke an answering chivalry in the parasite.

      He decided to make the attempt at least, for there would be plenty of time to say he had succeeded, after he had failed.

      Vibrating with tremors of nobility as well as of apprehension, Yankelé lifted the knocker. He had no programme, trusting to chance and mother-wit.

      Mrs. Remorse Red-herring half opened the door.

      "I vish to see de Rabbi," he said, putting one foot within.

      "He is engaged," said the wife – a tiny thin creature who had been plump and pretty. "He is very busy talking with a gentleman."

      "Oh, but I can vait."

      "But the Rabbi will be having his dinner soon."

      "I can vait till after dinner," said Yankelé obligingly.

      "Oh, but the Rabbi sits long at table."

      "I don't mind," said Yankelé with undiminished placidity, "de longer de better."

      The poor woman looked perplexed. "I'll tell my husband," she said at last.

      Yankelé had an anxious moment in the passage.

      "The Rabbi wishes to know what you want," she said when she returned.

      "I vant to get married," said Yankelé with an inspiration of veracity.

      "But my husband doesn't marry people."

      "Vy not?"

      "He only brings consolation into households," she explained ingenuously.

      "Vell, I won't get married midout him," Yankelé murmured lugubriously.

      The little woman went back in bewilderment to her bosom's lord. Forthwith out came Rabbi Remorse Red-herring, curiosity and cupidity in his eyes. He wore the skull-cap of sanctity, but looked the gourmand in spite of it.

      "Good Sabbath, sir! What is this about your getting married?"

      "It's a long story," said Yankelé, "and as your good vife told me your dinner is just ready, I mustn't keep you now."

      "No, there are still a few minutes before dinner. What is it?"

      Yankelé shook his head. "I couldn't tink of keeping you in dis draughty passage."

      "I don't mind. I don't feel any draught."

      "Dat's just vere de danger lays. You don't notice, and one day you find yourself laid up mid rheumatism, and you vill have Remorse," said Yankelé with a twinkle. "Your life is precious – if you die, who vill console de community?"

      It was an ambiguous remark, but the Rabbi understood it in its most flattering sense, and his little eyes beamed. "I would ask you inside," he said, "but I have a visitor."

      "No matter," said Yankelé, "vat I have to say to you, Rabbi, is not private. A stranger may hear it."

      Still undecided, the Rabbi muttered, "You want me to marry you?"

      "I have come to get married," replied Yankelé.

      "But I have never been called upon to marry people."

      "It's never too late to mend, dey say."

      "Strange – strange," murmured the Rabbi reflectively.

      "Vat is strange?"

      "That you should come to me just to-day. But why did you not go to Rabbi Sandman?"

      "Rabbi Sandman!" replied Yankelé with contempt. "Vere vould be de good of going to him?"

      "But why not?"

      "Every Schnorrer goes to him," said Yankelé frankly.

      "Hum!" mused the Rabbi. "Perhaps there is an opening for a more select marrier. Come in, then, I can give you five minutes if you really don't mind talking before a stranger."

      He threw open the door, and led the way into the sitting-room.

      Yankelé followed, exultant; the outworks were already carried, and his heart beat high with hope. But at his first glance within, he reeled and almost fell.

      Standing with his back to the fire and dominating the room was Manasseh Bueno Barzillai Azevedo da Costa!

      "Ah, Yankelé, good Sabbath!" said da Costa affably.

      "G-g-ood Sabbath!" stammered Yankelé.

      "Why, you know each other!" cried the Rabbi.

      "Oh, yes," said Manasseh, "an acquaintance of yours, too, apparently."

      "No, he is just come to see me about something," replied the Rabbi.

      "I thought you did not know the Rabbi, Mr. da Costa?" Yankelé could not help saying.

      "I didn't. I only had the pleasure of making his acquaintance half an hour ago. I met him in the street as he was coming home from morning service, and he was kind enough to invite me to dinner."

      Yankelé gasped; despite his secret amusement at Manasseh's airs, there were moments when the easy magnificence of the man overwhelmed him, extorted his reluctant admiration. How in Heaven's name had the Spaniard conquered at a blow!

      Looking down at the table, he now observed that it was already laid for dinner – and for three! He should have been that third. Was it fair of Manasseh to handicap him thus? Naturally, there would be infinitely less chance of a fourth being invited than a third – to say nothing of the dearth of provisions. "But, surely, you don't intend to stay to dinner!" he complained in dismay.

      "I have given my word," said Manasseh, "and I shouldn't care to disappoint the Rabbi."

      "Oh, it's no disappointment, no disappointment," remarked Rabbi Remorse Red-herring cordially, "I could just as well come round and see you after dinner."

      "After dinner I never see people," said Manasseh majestically; "I sleep."

      The Rabbi dared not make further protest: he turned to Yankelé and asked, "Well, now, what's this about your marriage?"

      "I can't tell you before Mr. da Costa," replied Yankelé, to gain time.

      "Why not? You said anybody might hear."

      "Noting of the sort. I said a stranger might hear. But Mr. da Costa isn't a stranger. He knows too much about de matter."

      "What shall we do, then?" murmured the Rabbi.

      "I can vait till after dinner," said Yankelé, with good-natured carelessness. "I don't sleep – "

      Before the Rabbi could reply, the wife brought in a baked dish, and set it on the table. Her husband glowered at her, but she, regular as clockwork, and as unthinking, produced the black bottle of schnapps. It was her СКАЧАТЬ