A Book of Burlesque: Sketches of English Stage Travestie and Parody. Adams William Davenport

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      Orpheus. I have looked back – in your snare I am caught, sir —

      Pluto, thou'st cut a fond pair to the core!

      Oh, have I come all this way to be taught, sir,

      That folks who would thrive must keep looking before?

      Euryd. You have looked back – in the snare you are caught, sir —

      They who cheat him, faith, have none to cheat more!

      A man of the world – have you yet to be taught, sir,

      When your wife flirts behind you, to look straight before?

      Of all the swains that are so smart,

      I dearly love Adonis;

      And pit-a-pat will go my heart,

      Till he bone of my bone is.

      No buckskin'd beau of Melton Mow-

      bray rides so capitàlly.

      Oh, he's the darling of my heart,

      And he hunts in our valley!

      Jupiter and the neighbours all

      Make game of me and Doney;

      But, notwithstanding, I with him

      Contemplate matrimony.

      For he can play on the cornet,

      And sing most musically;

      And not a Duke in all the land

      Can beat him at "Aunt Sally."

      Mighty monarch, stir your stumps as if Old Nick were following:

      A serpent with an awful twist has landed on your shore;

      Our gallant soldiers, guns and all, by regiments he's swallowing;

      And munching up musicians and composers by the score!

      Of counsel learned in the law but brief work he is making —

      Apothecaries just as they were pills, sir, he is taking;

      He snaps the parson right in two, as well as his oration;

      And ere the beadle bolts the door, he bolts the congregation!

      Mighty monarch, stir your stumps, for court and caravansary

      Are emptied of inhabitants all crazy with affright;

      The monster he is longer far than any suit in Chancery,

      And beats the Court of Aldermen, by chalks, for appetite!

      All bones but yours will rattle when I say

      I am the sea serpent from America.

      Mayhap you've heard that I've been round the world;

      I guess I'm round it now, mister, twice curled…

      Of all the monsters through the deep that splash,

      I'm "number one" to all immortal smash.

      When I lie down, and would my length unroll,

      There ar'n't half room enough 'twixt pole and pole.

      In short, I grow so long that I've a notion

      I must be measured soon for a new ocean.

      We met! 'twas at the ball,

      Upon last Easter Monday;

      I press'd you to be mine,

      And you said, "Perhaps, one day."

      I danced with you the whole

      Of that night, and you only;

      Ah, ne'er "cavalier seul"

      Felt more wretched and lonely.

      For when I squeezed your hand,

      As we turned one another,

      You frown'd and said, "Have done!

      Or I'll speak to my mother!"

      They called the Spanish dance,

      And we flew through it fleetly —

      'Twas o'er – I could not breathe,

      For you'd blown me completely.

      I led you to a seat

      Far away from the dancers;

      Quadrilles again began,

      They were playing "the Lancers";

      Again I squeezed your hand,

      And my anguish to smother

      You smiled, and said, "Dear Sir,

      You may speak to my mother."