Chipped blockheads. Fedor Laburchenko
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Название: Chipped blockheads
Автор: Fedor Laburchenko
Издательство: Издательские решения
isbn: 9785006280656
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IVAN: No, I never drink at work… I mean… I don’t drink tea either. I have a headache after that… Also… Although no, not also… It just aches.
Ivan Alekseevich blushed.
MARIA (taken aback): Some water?
IVAN: Well, yes! I’ll drink some water. Our water is fine. Did you notice?
MARIA (smiles): Of course, Ive grown up here!
IVAN: Well, what did we have at that time? And now, we are even preparing to receive tourists. Now, we’ll come to an agreeement with your grandfather Stepan Fyodorovich, and he will let people visit his spring, and pilgrims will come to us!
Ivan Alekseevich kept silence for a while, dreaming with his chin raised high. Maria scooped up water from the bucket with a glass and handed it to the chairman. He took a sip and sat down on a stool at the table opposite Maria, who had returned from the kitchen with sandwiches.
IVAN: Maria, pardon my asking the indiscreet question, but how long will you stay here? You know what the BBC said? “For life”.
MARIA (surprised): BBC?
IVAN: Yes, BBC. It’s real name is Grandma Shura.
MARIA (smiling): Ah, Grandma Shura! Well, Grandma Shura seems to know more than I do, because I haven’t decided yet.
IVAN: Get used to it, Grandma Shura really knows a lot. She often teaches me how to deal with state affairs. I’ll make notes!
MARIA: Well, I haven’t decided how long I’ll stay in the village yet. I’m having a tough time right now. I need to take a breath…
IVAN (jabbers): I see, I see! No need to explain it to me, I understand. And I even know how I can help you. Occupational therapy is the best cure for stress. It’s checked, tested, and patented!
MARIA (smiles): Good idea! I’m intrigued!
IVAN: So let’s go straight to the point. I know what kind of education you have, and they also whispered to me about your previous working place. Now, I want to invite you to continue your career on our collective farm as a leading vet.
MARIA (spreads her hands, shaking her head): Oh, no, being a vet is not my thing at all. I prefer to disable animals… I mean, I can… instead of treating them.
IVAN: Calm down, Maria. You will neither treat nor maim anyone. You will be just a salaried vet. All your job duties Semenych will perform; in the spring, he is like that wolf from a child’s game: he only manages to catch eggs. Do you know how many bulls we have?
Maria choked on her sandwich, cleared her throat and sipped tea.
IVAN (embarrassed): Sorry for God’s sake, I forgot that you are having breakfast. Well, for you, Maria, I have a completely different plan. Based on your CV…
MARIA (interrupts the chairman): Where, I’m afraid to ask,
did you get this piece of knowledge about me? Did BBK tell you it, too?
IVAN (corrected): BBC.
MARIA: Sorry, BBC. Is the data really from her?
IVAN: No, no, God forbid, Grandma Shura works in a slightly different direction. However, I personally track valuable specialists who stray into our village by mistake. How else? With our alcoholics you can’t raise the collective farm from its knees!
Maria remembered Nikolai and sympathized with the chairman.
IVAN: Oh, what am I doing? I chat too much. I think you should see everything for yourself. This way, you will decide whether to agree on my offer or send chairman Ivan Alekseevich to hell. I invite you to an exciting journey on our farm, Maria!
Ivan Alekseevich smiled mysteriously and winked at the girl. The man’s face won her favor, and Maria accepted the invitation without thinking twice.
MARIA: Please wait for me outside, Ivan Alekseevich. I’ll tidy myself up and join you.
IVAN (smiles): But don’t overdo it! I don’t want anyone to take you straight to the registry office on the way to the farm! We haven’t seen such beautiful girls since Perestroika!
Maria smiled shyly, and the chairman left the house.
Scene 3
The road to the farm wasn’t short. Ivan Alekseevich kept apologizing to Maria now and then for the discomfort of going on foot.
IVAN (without noticing it, he became less formal): You see, Maria, my driver, Vitalka, is the best of guys! (The chairman stretched a thumb up on his right hand). But he has a problem: when a drop gets into his mouth, that’s the end, welcome to the rodeo. God knows what I did to fight his addiction, but he still periodically reaches for the glass. What can I do? Can I sew his mouth shut? You and I are going on foot now, Masha, because Vitalka is on drink.
MARIA (calmingly): That’s all right, Ivan Alekseevich. Hiking benefits the whole body, by the way. As for your driver, such things happen even to the best of us. He will sleep, get up sober and return to work. He knows that your patience is limited. After all, you can fire him.
IVAN (shakes his head): You’re a bit wrong here, Maria. Well, I’ll fire Vitalka, and what comes next? Do you think there is a queue of drivers on my farm? Far from it! There is only one problem in rural areas these days: personnel. Earlier, there were two problems: money and people. It’s different with money now – take as much as you can take away, just don’t forget to report. But as for the staff, things didn’t change much. The young and promising fled to the city. Well, let’s take you, for example. Only alcoholics and addicts are left here. Your brother, for example… uh…
The chairman blushed terribly. He felt awkward calling Maria’s brother an alcoholic.
IVAN (returning to a more formal manner): Sorry, Maria.
MARIA (sighing sadly): Don’t apologize, Ivan Alekseevich. Unfortunately, you are telling the truth. It’s painful for me to watch that such a gifted child became this third-rate wnen adult.
IVAN (can’t decide whether he should use formal or informal style and begins to alternate them): I’ll tell you the following, Masha. He is far from a mediocre person. Nikolai has enormous potential! It’s all the fault of vodka, it interferes with everything. If you succeed in helping him fight this evil habit, you will get a completely different brother. He is communicative, the makings of a leader are also present, and I don’t have to tell you about his brainpower. It’s a pity, of course, it’s a great pity! Do you know how many such guys we have in the village? Everyone has his talent. If something happened that could make everyone stop drinking one day, that would be just wonderful! We would arrange an extraordinary collective farm here! Not a collective farm but no less than a corporation!
Meanwhile, the chairman and Maria had already reached the farm. Here the girl saw something she didn’t expect at all: new buildings, renovations, all clean and tidy, and modern equipment.
MARIA (returns to the conversation): You know, Ivan Alekseevich, it’s possible СКАЧАТЬ