The Inimitable Jeeves / Этот неподражаемый Дживс. Книга для чтения на английском языке. Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус

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      The man was goggling. His entire map was suffused with a rich blush. He looked like the Soul's Awakening done in pink.

      "Hallo, Mabel!" he said, with a sort of gulp.

      "Hallo!" said the girl.

      "Mabel," said Bingo, "this is Bertie Wooster, a pal of mine."

      "Pleased to meet you," she said. "Nice morning."

      "Fine," I said.

      "You see I'm wearing the tie," said Bingo.

      "It suits you beautiful," said the girl.

      Personally, if anyone had told me that a tie like that suited me, I should have risen and struck them on the mazzard, regardless of their age and sex; but poor old Bingo simply got all flustered with gratification, and smirked in the most gruesome manner.

      "Well, what's it going to be to-day?" asked the girl, introducing the business touch into the conversation.

      Bingo studied the menu devoutly.

      "I'll have a cup of cocoa, cold veal and ham pie, slice of fruit cake, and a macaroon. Same for you, Bertie?"

      I gazed at the man, revolted. That he could have been a pal of mine all these years and think me capable of insulting the old tum with this sort of stuff cut me to the quick.

      "Or how about a bit of hot steak-pudding, with a sparkling limado to wash it down?" said Bingo.

      You know, the way love can change a fellow is really frightful to contemplate. This chappie before me, who spoke in that absolutely careless way of macaroons and limado, was the man I had seen in happier days telling the head-waiter at Claridge's exactly how he wanted the chef to prepare the sole frite au gourmet aux champignons, and saying he would jolly well sling it back if it wasn't just right. Ghastly! Ghastly!

      A roll and butter and a small coffee seemed the only things on the list that hadn't been specially prepared by the nastier-minded members of the Borgia family for people they had a particular grudge against, so I chose them, and Mabel hopped it.

      "Well?" said Bingo rapturously.

      I took it that he wanted my opinion of the female poisoner who had just left us.

      "Very nice," I said.

      He seemed dissatisfied.

      "You don't think she's the most wonderful girl you ever saw?" he said wistfully.

      "Oh, absolutely!" I said, to appease the blighter. "Where did you meet her?"

      "At a subscription dance at Camberwell."

      "What on earth were you doing at a subscription dance at Camberwell?"

      "Your man Jeeves asked me if I would buy a couple of tickets. It was in aid of some charity or other."

      "Jeeves? I didn't know he went in for that sort of thing."

      "Well, I suppose he has to relax a bit every now and then. Anyway, he was there, swinging a dashed efficient shoe. I hadn't meant to go at first, but I turned up for a lark. Oh, Bertie, think what I might have missed!"

      "What might you have missed?" I asked, the old lemon being slightly clouded.

      "Mabel, you chump. If I hadn't gone I shouldn't have met Mabel."

      "Oh, ah!"

      At this point Bingo fell into a species of trance, and only came out of it to wrap himself round the pie and macaroon.

      "Bertie," he said, "I want your advice."

      "Carry on."

      "At least, not your advice, because that wouldn't be much good to anybody. I mean, you're a pretty consummate old ass, aren't you? Not that I want to hurt your feelings, of course."

      "No, no, I see that."

      "What I wish you would do is to put the whole thing to that fellow Jeeves of yours, and see what he suggests. You've often told me that he has helped other pals of yours out of messes. From what you tell me, he's by way of being the brains of the family."

      "He's never let me down yet."

      "Then put my case to him."

      "What case?"

      "My problem."

      "What problem?"

      "Why, you poor fish, my uncle, of course. What do you think my uncle's going to say to all this? If I sprang it on him cold, he'd tie himself in knots on the hearthrug."

      "One of these emotional johnnies, eh?"

      "Somehow or other his mind has got to be prepared to receive the news. But how?"

      "Ah!"

      "That's a lot of help, that 'ah'! You see, I'm pretty well dependent on the old boy. If he cut off my allowance, I should be very much in the soup. So you put the whole binge to Jeeves and see if he can't scare up a happy ending somehow. Tell him my future is in his hands, and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid. Jeeves would exert himself with ten quid on the horizon, what?"

      "Undoubtedly," I said.

      I wasn't in the least surprised at Bingo wanting to lug Jeeves into his private affairs like this. It was the first thing I would have thought of doing myself if I had been in any hole of any description. As I have frequently had occasion to observe, he is a bird of the ripest intellect, full of bright ideas. If anybody could fix things for poor old Bingo, he could.

      I stated the case to him that night after dinner.

      "Jeeves."

      "Sir?"

      "Are you busy just now?"

      "No, sir."

      "I mean, not doing anything in particular?"

      "No, sir. It is my practice at this hour to read some improving book; but, if you desire my services, this can easily be postponed, or, indeed, abandoned altogether."

      "Well, I want your advice. It's about Mr. Little."

      "Young Mr. Little, sir, or the elder Mr. Little, his uncle, who lives in Pounceby Gardens?"

      Jeeves seemed to know everything. Most amazing thing. I'd been pally with Bingo practically all my life, and yet I didn't remember ever having heard that his uncle lived anywhere is particular.

      "How did you know he lived in Pounceby Gardens?" I said.

      "I am on terms of some intimacy with the elder Mr. Little's cook, sir. In fact, there is an understanding."

      I'm bound to say that this gave me a bit of a start. Somehow I'd never thought of Jeeves going in for that sort of thing.

      "Do you mean you're engaged?"

      "It may be said to amount to that, sir."

      "Well, СКАЧАТЬ