Five Plays. Samuel D. Hunter

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СКАЧАТЬ No way. Scorpio.

      EDDIE: / No.

      TROY: Or Max.

       (Max enters.)

      MAX: What am I doing?

      TROY: You’re cleaning the bathrooms from now on.

      MAX: / The fuck I am.

      ISABELLE: Sagittarius.

      EDDIE: Isabelle—

      ISABELLE: I’m right aren’t I?!

      EDDIE: No.

      TROY: Why do I have to do it every time I close?!

      EDDIE: Okay, okay, we’ll figure out a schedule at staff lunch on Thursday.

      ISABELLE: I don’t even use our bathrooms, I use the ones in the Men’s Warehouse.

      TROY: Are they nice?

      ISABELLE: They are so fucking nice.

      MAX: Hey Eddie, table eight left half a carafe.

      EDDIE: / Yeah okay.

      TROY (To Isabelle): So what’s my sign?

       (Max exits.)

      ISABELLE: Douchebag.

      TROY: Nah I think that’d be the guy who dropped you off this morning.

      ISABELLE: His name is Alex and he’s younger and better looking than you, so.

      TROY: You’re saying that guy is better looking than me?

      ISABELLE (To Eddie): Eddie you’ve seen Alex, tell him.

       (Eddie struggles to add up the receipts while talking.)

      EDDIE: Oh I don’t know, I just—

      ISABELLE: Oh Eddie, I meant to tell you, some of the track lighting over table twelve is broken or something.

      TROY: So change the bulbs.

      ISABELLE: I’m sorry, was I talking to you?

       (Max reenters with a half-full carafe of wine and four glasses. He sets them down and begins to pour everyone a glass.)

      TROY: Eddie, can we get rid of the Famiglia Week stuff?

      EDDIE: Just—give it a few days.

      TROY: I love my family, but I don’t need them at work.

      ISABELLE: I wanted to kill myself today. Sometimes I’m glad that my parents are dead.

      MAX: Jesus.

      ISABELLE: I’m just kidding, calm down.

      TROY: When I was still working at the paper mill we had a bring-your-daughter-to-work day. Becky almost lost her damn hand.

      MAX: Why didn’t you guys move after the mill closed? Everyone I knew who worked there is in Boise or Oregon now.

      TROY: Tammy didn’t want to make Becky switch schools. And so, I’m a fucking waiter.

       (Max is about to pour Eddie a glass. Eddie waves him away.)

      EDDIE: Oh, no, thanks.

      MAX: C’mon buddy, long day.

      EDDIE: Maybe—maybe in a bit, I’m just / trying to—

      ISABELLE (To Troy): Hey what’s with your daughter?

      TROY: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

       (Max mimes throwing up on the table. Isabelle laughs.)

       Very funny, assholes.

      EDDIE: GUYS. PLEASE.

       (Silence. They stare at Eddie, shocked at the outburst.)

       Sorry. I’m—sorry.

       (Pause.)

      ISABELLE: You okay?

      EDDIE: I’m fine, I—. (Pause) I lost count, I just—. I got frustrated, I’m sorry.

      MAX: I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you raise your voice.

      EDDIE: Am I a terrible boss now?

      TROY: You kidding? My last job at the Best Buy, my supervisor used to pour coffee in my backpack. You can shout once in a while, it’s fine.

      ISABELLE: Oh my God I worked there three years ago.

      TROY: I hated it.

      ISABELLE: Yeah I know. Five percent employee discount?

       (Max tries again to pour Eddie some wine.)

      EDDIE: No, really, I’m fine.

      MAX: C’mon, it’s a special occasion.

      TROY: What, you got some new hair gel?

      MAX: No, Eddie hired me six months ago today.

      EDDIE: Oh. Wow, it’s really been that long?

      MAX: Yep.

      TROY: I’ve been here eight years, you never hear me making a big deal out of it.

      MAX: Anyway, Eddie, thanks. This was the only place in town that was willing to hire me.

      EDDIE: Oh I don’t believe that.

      MAX: Seriously. I interviewed everywhere, the moment I said anything about drug court, they just fucking—. Anyway thanks for giving me a chance.

      EDDIE: Well, we’re lucky to have you. Really.

      MAX: Thanks. (Pause) So, okay—maybe this is totally stupid of me, but—I thought maybe we could all— . . .

       (Max reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bag of weed and a pipe.)

      ISABELLE: Hello.

      EDDIE: Wait, what / is—?

      MAX: It’s just pot.

      TROY: Six months working here and you want some big party?

      EDDIE: Why do you / have that?

      MAX: I know it’s stupid, but it helps me stay off the other stuff.

      EDDIE: That doesn’t seem like a good idea to me?

      MAX: СКАЧАТЬ