Five Television Plays (David Mamet). David Mamet

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      WINNIE: Thank you.

      RALPH: What?

      WINNIE: Thank you.

      RALPH: That is alright. Now, you take your time, and whatever you . . .

      WINNIE: I don't have to take time. I am going to wish . . .

      RALPH: Oh, oh, oh. I forgot: (pause) First you have to guess my name. Nothing to it. (Pause.) You have to guess my name and then I grant your wishes. Understand?

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: Think that you can do it?

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: Alright, then. Now: what are your wishes?

      WINNIE (pause): I wish that everything was just the way it was before the congressman came in the restaurant . . .

      RALPH: . . . alright . . .

      WINNIE: And I wish my son and I were in Yellowstone Park. (Pause.)

      RALPH: Good. You tell me my name your wishes shall be granted.

      WINNIE: Your name is Ralph Blum. (Pause.)

      RALPH: I'm very sorry, Miss.

      WINNIE: That's not your name?

      RALPH: I'm very sorry. (Pause.) I'm very sorry.

      WINNIE: Do I get another chance?

      RALPH: No. It is not within my power. (Pause.) I'm very sorry. (Pause.) I . . . you and the boy. Feel free to stay here tonight. I, I'm sure everything will, will look brighter in the morning. (Pause.) I hope that everything works out. I'm very sorry.

      (The MAGIC WOODSMAN leaves the cabin. WINNIE waits. Sits down at the table, smokes a cigarette.)

      RANGER: The false dawn came, that time before the dawn, and, after it, the dawn, and Winnie sat at the table smoking her cigarette while her son slept.

      (WINNIE sings a song of remorse, how, standing on principle, she has sacrificed the well-being of her child. She finishes. DOUG wakes up.)

      DOUG: Where are we . . . ?

      WINNIE: Come on. Get up, Sweetheart, we . . .

      DOUG: What's that . . . ?

      RANGER: They heard the baying of dogs. Drawing closer.

      WINNIE: They're coming to get us.

      (Through a megaphone we hear a TROOPER.)

      TROOPER: We know you're in there . . .

      SECOND TROOPER: Be careful, she's dangerous.

      TROOPER: You have one minute to come out, you and the boy . . .

      DOUG: What are we going to do?

      WINNIE: I have to give myself up . . .

      DOUG: No! What will they do to . . .

      WINNIE: I'm sure everything will be al . . .

      TROOPER: Alright, we're coming in . . .

      WINNIE (she embraces DOUG): Sweetheart, I'm sure that everything will be al . . .

      (The door opens. She shields DOUG. It is RALPH BLUM.)

      RALPH: Wait a second. Did you say “Ralph Blum"?

      WINNIE: What?

      RALPH: Did you say “Ralph Blum"? My name?

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: You did.

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: Cause, that is my name. It's on, you know, it's on a sign right outside the door.

      WINNIE: I, I, I know.

      RALPH: What?

      WINNIE: I said that I know.

      RALPH: I thought you said “Brown.” But you said “Ralph Blum.”

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: Word of honor?

      WINNIE: Yes.

      RALPH: Well, then you get your wish! I'm sorry . . . such a silly . . . I don't hear so . . .

      (They are transported. WINNIE is back in the restaurant with the CONGRESSMAN.)

      RANGER: And they were magically transported back in time. To the time before she saw the congressman take the tip from the table.

      (At the restaurant.)

      CONGRESSMAN: Miss.

      WINNIE: Yes, sir, I'm coming.

      CONGRESSMAN (of check): What is this? Ninety-five cents for a substitution?

      WINNIE: You had beans instead of the creamed spinach.

      CONGRESSMAN: I'm not going to pay it.

      WINNIE: Then I will pay it for you. ‘Cause I bet you've had a hard day.

      CONGRESSMAN: Uh. You will?

      WINNIE: Yes.

      CONGRESSMAN: That's, uh, you know, it's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

      WINNIE: I know that it is.

      CONGRESSMAN: That's very kind of you.

      WINNIE: Just Pass it On.

      (Another WAITRESS and she talk.)

      WAITRESS: That fellow giving you a hard time?

      WINNIE: Well, you know, it takes all kinds.

      WAITRESS: Hey: your vacation starts tomorrow.

      WINNIE: You bet. Me and my Son are going to Yellowstone.

      WAITRESS: I bet that you wish you were there right now.

      WINNIE: I surely do.

      RANGER: And they were all instantly transported to Yellowstone Park, the Congressman, the Judge, the Bailiff, the Guards and the Prisoners, and Winnie and her Son. For two weeks of life in the Great Outdoors.

      They all sing a chorale. To wit:

      Always tell the truth.

      Never insult a congressman.

      Don't go to court without a lawyer.

      Be calm at Roadblocks.

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