The One and Only Bob. Katherine Applegate

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      bed boogie: circular “dance” performed by dogs before settling into bed, probably a primitive nesting behavior

      copilot: dog riding in car, often with head poking out of an open window (see also: drool flag)

      crazy mutt: exuberant greeting ritual

      drool flag: visible tongue protrusion, frequently displayed during copiloting or meal preparation

      FRAP: frenetic random activity period (synonym: zoomies)

      full wag: the happiest tail position, a relaxed circular swish, sometimes including hip wiggles

      fur on alert: raised hair on a dog’s neck and back, an involuntary reaction often caused by fright or aggression

      head tilt: quizzical look employed to charm gullible humans

      LEAVE IT: the world’s worst command, especially when applied to food

      me-ball: dried excrement thrown at observers (origin: Gorilla, informal)

      playbow: body position with elbows down and rear up, signaling an invitation to have fun

      rhymes-with-pet-threat: vet, an otherwise kind human armed with thermometers and needles

      tailspin: (1) chase involving the flexible appendage attached to the rear of most canines; (2) (informal) an embarrassing or quixotic effort

      toe-twitcher: dream (often squirrel-focused) resulting in foot movement

      tug-of-war string: a long (though never long enough) piece of fabric or leather used to lead humans during walks

      UFO: (1) unidentified food object, often found under kitchen tables or couch cushions; (2) unidentified floor object, hopefully edible; (3) unidentified flying object, ideally a stick, flying disk, or slobber-covered tennis ball

      water bowl of power: (1) jumbo-sized ceramic dish; (2) uncomfortable human chair, generally found in bathrooms

      zoomies: sudden bursts of energy, usually involving chaotic dashes through the house (informal; see also: FRAP)

One

confession

      Look, nobody’s ever accused me of being a good dog.

      I bark at empty air. I eat cat litter. I roll in garbage to enhance my aroma.

      I harass innocent squirrels. I hog the couch. I lick myself in the presence of company.

      I’m no saint, okay?