Jonah and Co. Yates Dornford

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      Coldly Berry regarded him.

      "I fail," he said stiffly, "to see the point of your mirth. I gather that it is proposed to enjoy my services for the propulsion of one of the automobiles—that, while you will be responsible for the 'shoving' of Ping, these delicate hands will flick Pong across France. Very good. Let the Press be informed; call forth the ballad-mongers. What would have been a somewhat sordid drive will become a winged flight, sublime and deathless."

      "I trust so," said Jonah. "Six hundred miles with a fool at the wheel is a tall order, but, if your companions survive the first two days, they ought to pull through. Try not to do more than five pounds' worth of damage to the gallon, won't you?"

      "Sour grapes," said Berry. "The professional reviles the distinguished amateur."

      "Seriously," said I, "it's no laughing matter."

      "I agree," said Daphne. "You'll have to just crawl along all the way. After all, we've got six months to get there in. Promise me you won't try and pass anything."

      "I promise," replied her husband. "Should another vehicle approach,

       I'll stop the engine and go and hide in a wood till it's gone."

      "Fool," said his wife. "I meant 'overtake anything' of course. You know I did. Promise you won't try and rush past things just to get in front of them."

      I took up the cudgels.

      "We've got to get along, darling, and he can't give a promise like that. You wouldn't want to do fifty miles behind a traction-engine, would you? Remember, I shall be by his side. He may be holding the wheel, but I shall be driving the car. Make him promise to obey me implicitly, if you like."

      "That's right," said Jill. "You will, won't you, Berry?"

      The latter looked at Adèle.

      "Do you also subscribe to my humiliation?" he said.

      Adèle smiled and nodded.

      "Unquestionably," she said. "By the time you get to Pau, you'll be an expert. And then you can teach me."

      "The pill-gilder," said my brother-in-law. "Well, well. So far as in me lies, I'll do as I'm told. But I insist upon plain English. I'm not going to be suddenly yelled at to 'double-clutch,' or 'feel the brake,' or 'close the throttle,' or something. It makes me want to burst into tears. That fellow who was teaching me asked me, without any warning and in the middle of some sheep, what I should do if one of my 'big ends were to run out.' I said I should consult a specialist, but the question upset me. Indirectly, it also upset the shepherd. … Which reminds me, I never knew a human being could jump so far. The moment he felt the radiator. … "

      "You never told us this," said Daphne reproachfully. "If I'd known you'd knocked somebody down——"

      "I never knocked him down," said Berry. "I tell you he jumped. … We stopped, of course, and explained. He was a little nettled at first, but we parted on the best of terms."

      "It's all very well," said my sister, "but I'd no idea——"

      "Every dog must have his bite," said I, laughing. "He won't do it again. And now, since I'm tethered, will somebody give me some beer?"

      Then and there supper was consumed.

      A vigorous discussion of the turn events had taken, and the advancement and scrutiny of a variety of high speculations regarding the probable style of our progress to Pau, prevailed until past twelve o'clock, but at length the others were evicted, and Adèle, Nobby, and I were able to prepare for the night.

      Out of the luxurious silence of a hot bath Adèle's voice came floating into the bedroom.

      "Boy!"

      "Yes, lady?"

      "I wish I was going with you to-morrow instead of Daphne."

      "So do I," I said heartily.

      Adèle sighed. Then—

      "It can't be helped," she said. "I think, on the whole, she would have worried more than I shall."

      "Not a doubt of it," said I cheerfully. "As she said, Berry's the only husband she's got."

      Adèle choked. Presently—

      "The real reason," she said, "is because she mistrusts her husband even more than I trust mine."

      When I had worked this out—

      "Aha," I said pleasedly.

      "But then, of course," said Adèle, "she's been married much longer."

      * * * * *

      With Rouen as our objective, we left Boulogne the next morning at ten o'clock. To speak more accurately, we left the hotel at ten o'clock and Boulogne itself some forty minutes later. The negotiation of an up-gradient leading out of the town was responsible for the delay.

      My sister and I shall remember that hill so long as we live. So, I imagine, will Berry. We were half-way up when he stopped the engine for the first time. We were still half-way up when he stopped it for the eighth time. Indeed, it was at this juncture that I suggested that he should rest from his labours and smoke a cigarette.

      My brother-in-law shook his head.

      "Shall I slide down backwards and begin again?" he inquired.

      "No, thanks," said I. "I have a foolish preference for facing death."

      "D'you think we could push it up?" said Daphne.

      "Frankly," said I, "I don't. You see, she weighs over a ton without the luggage."

      Berry cleared his throat.

      "I am not," he said, "going through the farce of asking what I do wrong, because I know the answer. It's not the right one, but you seem incapable of giving any other."

      "I am," said I.

      "Well, don't say it," said Berry, "because, if you do, I shall scream. No man born of woman could let in that clutch more slowly, and yet you say it's too fast. The truth is, there's something wrong with the car."

      "There soon will be," I retorted. "The starter will fail. Then every time you stop the engine you'll have to get out and crank. That'll make you think."

      "'Make me think'?" yelled Berry. "D'you think I haven't been thinking? D'you think I'm not thinking now? Haven't I almost burst my brains with thinking?" Daphne began to laugh helplessly. "That's right," added her husband savagely. "See the humorous side. I may go mad any minute, but don't let that stop you." And, with that, he set his foot upon the self-starter.

      When he had stopped the engine another three times, he applied the hand-brake with unnecessary violence, sank back in his seat, and folded his hands.

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