The Paris Sketch Book of Mr. M. A. Titmarsh. William Makepeace Thackeray

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СКАЧАТЬ my dear sir, you can't refuse—can't refuse.”

      “It's not that,” said Pogson, wagging his head passionately.

      “Her husband the Baron seemed quite as much taken with Pogson as his lady was, and has introduced him to some very distingué friends of his own set. Last night one of the Baron's friends gave a party in honor of my friend Pogson, who lost forty-eight pounds at cards BEFORE he was made drunk, and heaven knows how much after.”

      “Not a shilling, by sacred heaven!—not a shilling!” yelled out Pogson. “After the supper I 'ad such an 'eadach', I couldn't do anything but fall asleep on the sofa.”

      “You 'ad such an 'eadach', sir,” says British, sternly, who piques himself on his grammar and pronunciation, and scorns a cockney.

      “Such a H-eadache, sir,” replied Pogson, with much meekness.

      “The unfortunate man is brought home at two o'clock, as tipsy as possible, dragged up stairs, senseless, to bed, and, on waking, receives a visit from his entertainer of the night before—a lord's son, Major, a tip-top fellow—who brings a couple of bills that my friend Pogson is said to have signed.”

      “Well, my dear fellow, the thing's quite simple—he must pay them.”

      “I can't pay them.”

      “He can't pay them,” said we both in a breath: “Pogson is a commercial traveller, with thirty shillings a week, and how the deuce is he to pay five hundred pounds?”

      “A bagman, sir! and what right has a bagman to gamble? Gentlemen gamble, sir; tradesmen, sir, have no business with the amusements of the gentry. What business had you with barons and lords' sons, sir?—serve you right, sir.”

      “Sir,” says Pogson, with some dignity, “merit, and not birth, is the criterion of a man: I despise an hereditary aristocracy, and admire only Nature's gentlemen. For my part, I think that a British merch—”

      “Hold your tongue, sir,” bounced out the Major, “and don't lecture me; don't come to me, sir, with your slang about Nature's gentlemen—Nature's tomfools, sir! Did Nature open a cash account for you at a banker's, sir? Did Nature give you an education, sir? What do you mean by competing with people to whom Nature has given all these things? Stick to your bags, Mr. Pogson, and your bagmen, and leave barons and their like to their own ways.”

      “Yes, but, Major,” here cried that faithful friend, who has always stood by Pogson; “they won't leave him alone.”

      “The honorable gent says I must fight if I don't pay,” whimpered Sam.

      “What! fight YOU? Do you mean that the honorable gent, as you call him, will go out with a bagman?”

      “He doesn't know I'm a—I'm a commercial man,” blushingly said Sam: “he fancies I'm a military gent.”

      The Major's gravity was quite upset at this absurd notion; and he laughed outrageously. “Why, the fact is, sir,” said I, “that my friend Pogson, knowing the value of the title of Captain, and being complimented by the Baroness on his warlike appearance, said, boldly, he was in the army. He only assumed the rank in order to dazzle her weak imagination, never fancying that there was a husband, and a circle of friends, with whom he was afterwards to make an acquaintance; and then, you know, it was too late to withdraw.”

      “A pretty pickle you have put yourself in, Mr. Pogson, by making love to other men's wives, and calling yourself names,” said the Major, who was restored to good humor. “And pray, who is the honorable gent?”

      “The Earl of Cinqbars' son,” says Pogson, “the Honorable Tom Ringwood.”

      “I thought it was some such character; and the Baron is the Baron de Florval-Delval?”

      “The very same.”

      “And his wife a black-haired woman, with a pretty foot and ankle; calls herself Athenais; and is always talking about her trente-deux ans? Why, sir, that woman was an actress on the Boulevard, when we were here in '15. She's no more his wife than I am. Delval's name is Chicot. The woman is always travelling between London and Paris: I saw she was hooking you at Calais; she has hooked ten men, in the course of the last two years, in this very way. She lent you money, didn't she?” “Yes.” “And she leans on your shoulder, and whispers, 'Play half for me,' and somebody wins it, and the poor thing is as sorry as you are, and her husband storms and rages, and insists on double stakes; and she leans over your shoulder again, and tells every card in your hand to your adversary, and that's the way it's done, Mr. Pogson.”

      “I've been 'AD, I see I 'ave,” said Pogson, very humbly.

      “Well, sir,” said the Major, “in consideration, not of you, sir—for, give me leave to tell you, Mr. Pogson, that you are a pitiful little scoundrel—in consideration for my Lord Cinqbars, sir, with whom, I am proud to say, I am intimate,” (the Major dearly loved a lord, and was, by his own showing, acquainted with half the peerage,) “I will aid you in this affair. Your cursed vanity, sir, and want of principle, has set you, in the first place, intriguing with other men's wives; and if you had been shot for your pains, a bullet would have only served you right, sir. You must go about as an impostor, sir, in society; and you pay richly for your swindling, sir, by being swindled yourself: but, as I think your punishment has been already pretty severe, I shall do my best, out of regard for my friend, Lord Cinqbars, to prevent the matter going any farther; and I recommend you to leave Paris without delay. Now let me wish you a good morning.”—Wherewith British made a majestic bow, and began giving the last touch to his varnished boots.

      We departed: poor Sam perfectly silent and chapfallen; and I meditating on the wisdom of the half-pay philosopher, and wondering what means he would employ to rescue Pogson from his fate.

      What these means were I know not; but Mr. Ringwood did NOT make his appearance at six; and, at eight, a letter arrived for “Mr. Pogson, commercial traveller,” &c. &c. It was blank inside, but contained his two bills. Mr. Ringwood left town, almost immediately, for Vienna; nor did the Major explain the circumstances which caused his departure; but he muttered something about “knew some of his old tricks,” “threatened police, and made him disgorge directly.”

      Mr. Ringwood is, as yet, young at his trade; and I have often thought it was very green of him to give up the bills to the Major, who, certainly, would never have pressed the matter before the police, out of respect for his friend, Lord Cinqbars.

THE FÊTES OF JULY.

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IN A LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF THE “BUNGAY BEACON.”

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      PARIS, July 30th, 1839.

      We have arrived here just in time for the fêtes of July.—You have read, no doubt, of that glorious revolution which took place here nine years ago, and which is now commemorated annually, in a pretty facetious manner, by gun-firing, student-processions, pole-climbing-for-silver-spoons, gold-watches and legs-of-mutton, monarchical orations, and СКАЧАТЬ