Love Among the Chickens. Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус

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СКАЧАТЬ increased momently, until now, when, from the snorting of the engine, it seemed likely that the train might start at any minute, the crowd's excitement was extreme. Shrill cries echoed down the platform. Lost sheep, singly and in companies, rushed to and fro, peering eagerly into carriages in the search for seats. Piercing cries ordered unknown "Tommies" and "Ernies" to "keep by aunty, now." Just as Ukridge returned, the dreaded "Get in anywhere" began to be heard, and the next moment an avalanche of warm humanity poured into the ​carriage. A silent but bitter curse framed itself on Garnet's lips. His chance of pleasant conversation with the lady of the brown hair and the eyes that were either gray or blue was at an end.

      The newcomers consisted of a middle-aged lady, addressed as aunty; a youth called Albert, subsequently described by Garnet as the rudest boy on earth—a proud title, honestly won; lastly, a niece of some twenty years, stolid and seemingly without interest in life.

      Ukridge slipped into his corner, adroitly foiling Albert, who had made a dive in that direction. Albert regarded him fixedly for a space, then sank into the seat beside Garnet and began to chew something grewsome that smelled of aniseed.

      Aunty, meanwhile, was distributing her weight evenly between the toes of the Irish gentleman and those of his daughter, as she leaned out of the window to converse with ​a lady friend in a straw hat and hair curlers. Phyllis, he noticed, was bearing it with angelic calm. Her profile, when he caught sight of it round aunty, struck him as a little cold, even haughty. That, however, might be due to what she was suffering. It is unfair to judge a lady's character from her face, at a moment when she is in a position of physical discomfort. The train moved off with a jerk in the middle of a request on the part of the straw-hatted lady that her friend would "remember that, you know, about him" and aunty, staggering back, sat down on a bag of food which Albert had placed on the seat beside him.

      "Clumsy!" observed Albert tersely.

      "Albert, you mustn't speak to aunty so."

      "Wodyer want sit on my bag for, then?" inquired Albert.

      They argued the point.

      Garnet, who should have been busy ​studying character for a novel of the lower classes, took up his magazine and began to read. The odor of aniseed became more and more painful. Ukridge had lighted a cigar, and Garnet understood why Mrs, Ukridge preferred to travel in another compartment. For "in his hand he bore the brand which none but he might smoke."

      Garnet looked stealthily across the carriage to see how his lady of the hair and eyes was enduring this combination of evils, and noticed that she, too, had begun to read. And as she put down the book to look out of the window at the last view of London, he saw with a thrill that it was "The Maneuvers of Arthur." Never before had he come upon a stranger reading his work. And if "The Maneuvers of Arthur" could make the reader oblivious to surroundings such as these, then, felt Garnet, it was no common book—a fact which he had long since suspected.

      ​The train raced on toward the sea. It was a warm day, and a torpid peace began to settle down on the carriage. Soon only Garnet, the Irishman, and the lady were awake.

      "What's your book, me dear? " asked the Irishman.

      "'The Maneuvers of Arthur,' father," said Phyllis. "By Jeremy Garnet."

      Garnet would not have believed without the evidence of his ears that his name could possibly have sounded so well.

      "Dolly Strange gave it to me when I left the abbey," continued Phyllis. "She keeps a shelf of books for her guests when they are going away. Books that she considers rubbish and doesn't want, you know."

      Garnet hated Dolly Strange without further evidence.

      "And what do you think of it, me dear?"

      "I like it," said Phyllis decidedly. The ​carriage swam before Garnet's eyes. "I think it is very clever. I shall keep it."

      "Bless you," thought Garnet, "and I will write my precious autograph on every page, if you want it."

      "I wonder who Jeremy Garnet is?" said Phyllis. "I imagine him rather an old young man, probably with an eyeglass and conceited. He must be conceited. I can tell that from the style. And I should think he didn't know many girls. At least, if he thinks Pamela Grant an ordinary sort of girl."

      "Is she not?" asked her father.

      "She's a cr-r-reature," said Phyllis emphatically.

      This was a blow to Garnet, and demolished the self-satisfaction which her earlier criticisms had caused to grow within him. He had always looked on Pamela as something very much out of the ordinary run of feminine character studies. That scene ​between her and the curate in the conservatory. … And when she finds Arthur at the meet of the Blankshire. … He was sorry she did not like Pamela. Somehow it lowered Pamela in his estimation.

      "But I like Arthur," said Phyllis, and she smiled—the first time Garnet had seen her do so.

      Garnet also smiled to himself. Arthur was the hero. He was a young writer. Ergo, Arthur was himself.

      The train was beginning to slow down. Signs of returning animation began to be noticeable among the sleepers. A whistle from the engine, and the train drew up in a station. Looking out of the window, Garnet saw that it was Yeovil. There was a general exodus. Aunty became instantly a thing of dash and electricity, collected parcels, shook Albert, replied to his thrusts with repartee, and finally headed a stampede out of the door.

      ​To Garnet's chagrin the Irish gentleman and his daughter also rose. Apparently this was to be the end of their brief acquaintanceship. They alighted and walked down the platform.

      "Where are we?" said Ukridge sleepily, opening his eyes. "Yeovil? Not far now, old horse."

      With which remark he closed his eyes again and returned to his slumbers. Garnet's eye, roving disconsolately over the carriage, was caught by something lying in the far corner. It was the criticized "Maneuvers of Arthur." The girl had left it behind.

      What follows shows the vanity that obsesses our young and rising authors. It did not enter into his mind that the book might have been left behind of set purpose, as being of no further use to the owner. It only occurred to him that if he did not act swiftly the lady of the hair and eyes would ​suffer a loss beside which the loss of a purse or a hand bag were trivial.

      He acted swiftly.

      Five seconds later he was at the end of the platform, flushed but courteous.

      "Excuse me," he said, "I think——"

      "Thank you," said the girl.

      Garnet made his way back to his carriage.

      "They are blue," he said.

      The Arrival

      ​ IV

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      FROM Axminster to Lyme Regis the СКАЧАТЬ