Mentoring Minutes. Robin Cox

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      Mentoring tip: Continue to develop your mentee’s cognitive skills through open, honest communication, and effective listening (lots of it!).

      Day 2: Ways to connect with mentees (1)

      The development of a meaningful and positive relationship with your mentee is a work in progress through the early stages of the mentoring journey. Much will depend on whether you are involved in a program within a community, or a school-based program. The latter will have some limitations. Some of these ideas will not be relevant in such situations.

      •Encourage your mentee to write a journal in which they express personal thoughts, which they may or may not wish to share with you. Girls, more than boys, enjoy an activity like this.

      •Encourage your mentee to join a local youth club, or faith group, or sport club, or cultural group.

      •Find out who your mentee’s friends are. You could do something as a group, which promotes a positive peer support group.

      •Encourage inspirational reading (join the local library). Sometimes short articles, rather than books, will be of interest to a young person who does not enjoy reading.

      •Share a recipe. Teach your mentee to bake or cook something. Exchange a cultural dish (where applicable).

      •Do not impose your values on your mentee, but ‘do’ respect their family values (unless, of course, the family is involved in substance abuse, or some other antisocial behavior).

      •Make a scrapbook of inspirational articles from newspapers, and magazines. Present it to your mentee at the end of the formal mentoring journey, or at another appropriate time.

      •Spend time together and research careers your mentee is interested in, qualifications needed, subjects needed, and job opportunities available once qualifications are received. This activity often helps to encourage new goal setting ideas and gives meaning and purpose to a young life.

      •Share photographs of your family, or pets, or travels with your mentee and their family. Share other photographs which might be relevant to discussions with your mentee.

      •Talk about your respective choices of music—listen to each other’s favorite songs or styles of music.

Remember at all times that mentoring must be fun. Laugh lots and take note of clinical professor of psychiatry and author Daniel J. Siegel’s15 wise words: “When we have supportive relationships, we are not only happier, we are healthier and live longer.”

      Mentoring tip: Create new opportunities and learning experiences for your mentee when you spend time together. You enrich a young life.

      Day 3: Ways to connect with mentees (2)

Well-known Australian psychologist Andrew Fuller16 wrote: “Feeling that you belong at your school was thought to be one of the major factors promoting wellbeing, self-esteem, and resilience in young people.”

      A key role of a mentor, where this is relevant, is to make sure that your mentee feels connected to the school community and with positive people within and outside of that community.

      A connection with your mentee remains a work in progress. Do not be afraid to try new ideas or strategies. You soon discover whether or not these strategies contribute positively to the development of a positive mentoring relationship. Here are a few thoughts and ideas.

      •Frame an accessible motivational saying that has inspired you and give it to your mentee. Share at least one of your life experiences in which this saying sustained you.

      •Avoid embarrassing your mentee in front of their peers. Many mentees in some cultural groups prefer not to be praised publicly.

      •Never criticize or rebuke your mentee in public.

      •Affirm the uniqueness of your relationship with your mentee.

      •Spontaneously send your mentee a message to indicate that you are thinking about them.

      •Some research states that teenagers are less likely to share similar interests with their mentors. This will differ from relationship to relationship from what I have observed over the years. Some mentees select their mentor because the mentor does have a shared interest. Be patient and tolerant.

      •Do not give medication to your mentee.

      •Respect your mentee’s faith or spiritual doctrines, and values.

      Mentoring tip: Great mentors commit to see through the mentoring journey and are determined to make a positive contribution to their mentees’ lives.

      Day 4: The young person’s brain

      Mentors continually remember that the adolescent brain undergoes a significant time of development that is only completed in their mid-twenties. The brain acts like a sponge as it soaks up new information and constantly changes to make room for it, a concept referred to as plasticity.

      Plasticity assists youth to pick up new skills. For example, the potential novelist starts to write with vigor; the future basketball or netball stars start to achieve great things because of their positive attitude to the team or to practicing; the musician starts to develop new musical abilities, and the tech wizard starts to create new games.

      A youth’s brain needs more time and experience to develop, so continually affirm the “efforts” of your mentees.

      Ronald E. Dahl from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Centre describes the teenage years of brain development: “. . . like turbocharging an engine without a skilled driver.” Think of a mentor who takes on the role of the skilled driver and makes sure their mentees are safe. This allows vulnerable youth to move out of their comfort zones and to fail while daring greatly. Mentors provide the safety net.

      Mentoring tip: Coach your mentees to be teachable, and never to quit when the going becomes tough.

      Mentoring moments

      Sheilah Wolfe was my grade one teacher a couple of years before she retired. She put clear boundaries in place, which seven-year-old boys needed, yet we felt safe and secure in her company at all times.

      Sheilah had a magnificent Alsation dog, Allanah, which accompanied her to class on a few occasions. Sheilah never married, adored her dog, and was an inspiring teacher who never accepted a second-rate effort.

      When I underwent my operations to remove cancer, Sheilah followed my progress. She gave me a wonderfully illustrated book on wild animals which I treasured for over fifty years.

      At the end of my school career, ten years after Sheilah had taught me, she sent a card wishing me well: “Congratulations on your successes this year. I felt most proud of you . . . From Sheilah Wolfe with love and very happy memories.”

      Sheilah guided me through my first year of junior school. She believed in me, and encouraged me to chase my dreams and reach my potential. She was the wise guide on the side throughout my school career, a mentor, and a cherished friend.

      Mentoring tip: Consistently strive to encourage your mentee to exercise excellence at all times—this builds resilience.

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