The It Girl: Superstar Geek. Katy Birchall

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       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Now I’m really depressed

      Wait. I replaced a guy in a chicken suit who sang songs from the West End?

      THAT’S WHO I REPLACED IN YOUR LIFE?

      I should have set myself on fire today.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: Now I’m really depressed

      You know, if you really wanted to fill the gap left by the chicken-suit man, you could sing songs from musicals in lunch breaks.

      My personal favourite is Fame because I’m fun and amazing. Danny’s is My Fair Lady because he’s basically an old man and apparently it’s based on some play that no one cares about.

      Just a tip if you really want to win us over.

      J x

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: HA

      My stage career started and ended when I was forced to be a shepherd in a nativity play. I walked on to the stage, saw everyone staring, burst into tears and ran straight back off. Into a tree.

      Why, I have to ask, was there even a tree involved in the production? Last time I checked, there were no trees in stables at Bethlehem. Our drama teacher was clearly an idiot.

      Also I can’t sing. Not one note. Sorry to be a disappointment in comparison to chicken-suit man. So as much as I want to stay your friend for the rest of time, I can guarantee you - never going to happen.

      I am, however, naturally gifted at setting people on fire.

      Maybe my career lies in some kind of flame-inspired capacity. Ooo! Maybe I’ll be really good at welding metal with blowtorches or something! THEN I COULD MAKE A SUIT JUST LIKE IRON MAN!

      That would be so cool. I need to speak to our DT department. I’m guessing they’ll have access to blowtorches? They need to take advantage of my skill set now while I’m young and malleable.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: HA

      What’s Iron Man? Is it one of those Marvin comic book characters that you’re obsessed with? Like that stretchy person?

      J x

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: HA

      OK, firstly it’s Marvel, not Marvin.

      Secondly, please do not refer to Mr Fantastic as ‘that stretchy person’.

      And lastly, yes, Iron Man is a comic book character. Tony Stark develops an iron suit with repulsor beams and flight ability so he can take on bad guys.

      Everyone would want to be my friend if I had one of those!

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: HA

      Now, you see, it’s times like this when I genuinely worry that you’re being serious.

      J x

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Trust me

      I am being serious.

      I’ve just sent Dog on a mission to find Dad’s tool kit. He might have something in there I can experiment with.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: You’ve lost it

      You can’t send dogs on missions. They can’t understand what you’re saying. They’re DOGS.

      Judging by today I think it might actually be best if you avoid any tools that produce flames.

      What are you up to tonight, anyway? Let me guess . . . you’ve finished your homework already (geek) and you’re going to watch some film that was made before we were born (nerd). Am I correct?

      J x

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: You’re right

      Pretty much. Dog came back with a lampshade instead of a tool kit. No idea where that came from. Anyway we are now watching this movie Dad is always going on about by that famous guy called Hitchcock. Bit of a slow start but Dad’s recommendations are usually good. This one’s meant to be a classic.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: IMPORTANT

      What film have you put on, Anna? I mean it - this is important!

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: IMPORTANT

      Chill out - it’s called Psycho. Gotta go, it’s starting.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected] СКАЧАТЬ